Dehradun Trip - 1

Well my blog is going to sound more and more like a travel log for some time. So be prepared for phrases like ' When i was in ___ recently' or ' On my recent trip to ___ '. Thats b'coz I have been traveling a bit these days. Though not exactly like living out of the suitcase thing.

But hey I have slept in 5 different beds in past 2 weeks. (Not alone , but I won't say I had likable company).

So I'll start with my first trip to Dehradun.

A trip to Dehradun in Jan ?? Are u f***ing kidding me ? Well yes , my genius friend just so happens to get married that time in Dehradun, and well a promise is a promise.

So off to Dehradun. And when it is a trip with these people there has to be some adventure.

So I board the train along with the Kadai chicken that Lion has asked to get for him as he wanted something spicy. I had trimmed my hair and shaved before leaving as i though i was going to Ankur's home. But then i see Lion standing on the platform with a bushy French beard and a Pony tail. Super start to a super trip !

DAY 1 -

We get down on Delhi station at 4 a.m. on one of the coldest days of its history. Temp 1.5 C.
Mr E also joins us shortly.

We board the Dehradun Shatabdi. We eat the breakfast twice in the train. Then Mr E has to go to the loo to unload. As the train is about to pull on Saharanpur station he returns from the loo with some sort of paper with a hand drawn map on it. "We are getting down in Saharanpur" he announces "We will reach faster that way, I'm bored of sitting in the train".

Ok. So we get out of he train on Saharanpur and start hunting for a taxi. Apparently the dudes want to see UP. The adventure begins (we had tickets till Dehradun) . We call Ankur to ascertain where he is. I faintly remember 'Clement town, Turner road' as his address, had filled quite a no of his forms. Lion remembers something about C-21 and Kashi Ram stores (Read Kripa Ram stores). Mr E remembers a green house (though the house was all white as we found out shortly) on the left side.

So we surprise Ankur by reaching his house, that too two hours early. And sit down for the 3rd breakfast.

Then to the hotel to freshen up. Then the soon to be groom to be arrives with a Santro. "Aao laundon tumhe dehradun dikhata huun" (Come on guys I'll show u Dehradun). Ok so we pass in front of IMA, FRI, and a few other places which will be showed to us while coming back.

So we buy a couple of beers and head off to Mussouri road. We find his favorite Maggi point and sit down for Maggi while telling the guy we want a very spicy Maggi. "Ye ladke baahar ke hai" (these guys are outsiders) Ankur says to the maggi guy. While i am sitting there admiring the view in the bitter cold and thinking that I would have never passed if I would have been studying in Dehradun, because I would be sitting whole day long drinking beer at some place like this the other guys realize that they underestimated the Maggi guy. The maggi was too spicy for all of us.
And I think the most expensive clubs and pubs can't give this view and ambiance (If god is not a DJ he atleast a good pub interior designer). Then my phone alarm goes off to remind me that I have to check my SIIB result. So a few calls to few of my idiot friends to check my result.

After finishing or beers we start going up further till the guys with me start shouting "Enough, lets go back". So we are taken to deer park while coming back as soon as we park Cheetoz says "Ab tum log Deer park dekhoge ? " We all shake our head in disapproval. So we are get back to Dehradun city (whatever happened to the things we were supposed to see while coming back ?)

"Bhaai mujhe tie - tui leni hai aur shirt, aur haan jutte bhi" (Brothers I need a tie, a shirt and yes shoes too) Mr Walia remembers while coming back. The genius has his engagement tomorrow and he's buying clothes now. So we get into Planet Fashion. The dude looks for his tie and shirt while we randomly browse stuff. Which is interrupted in every two minutes by either "Bhaai ye kaisi lag rahi hai ?" or "Saalon yahaan mere liye kapde dekhne aaye ho ya apne liye ?". He doesn't like anything so we get out, though I did like one Grey shirt. So we get into one store which seemingly is his family store, all his brothers had bought there ties from there. He keeps asking " Arey jaisi tie Monu (Bunty, Sonu) bhaiya ko dikhaai thee waisi dikhaao na". Thank god he finally likes a tie. Then in search of his shoes. He likes some ugly shoes in first sight, good for us though. We start heading back to the car when he remembers he even has to buy Juutiyan for his wedding day. Lion and me start walking towards the car while Cheetoz and Mr E go back in to hunt for them. A good news while walking back , got a call from SIIB. (I forgot to mention that we had eaten twice again while in the market, once in McDonald's and once in a bakery)

After sometime in the hotel we get back to his house. "Kya piyoge laundon ?" Though we were planning for Bacardi at first but then we settle for VAT 69 (My favorite). And Mr E wants Vodka so cheeetoz says ok.
"Pay piyenge kahaan ?" I ask .
"Yahi" pat comes the reply.
"Abey paagal hai kya ? Yahaan to Uncle Aunty sab hai.
"Dikkat hee nahi hai"
"Par yahan kahaan?"

"Chatt par"
"Abey chatt par thand se marr jayenge !"
"Angeethi laga lenge. Tum load mat lo Andy bhaai." "Aur apne pass Scotch to hai hee garmi ke liye"
I agree.

So on the terrace it is. Four chairs and four glasses, a bottle of VAT 69. Some snacks and bitter cold. A better setting could not be asked for. "Bahut din ho gaye tumhaare saath peeye hue Andy Bhaai" I agree, thinking that might be our last, atleast in the near future. So we start with Mr E getting a glass of Vodka (Read Jungle King) from downstairs. His brothers and one of his brother-in-law keep coming and going. Taking one or two pegs in the process. We take around 2 hours and bottle is still not finished. 3 of us couldn't finish a bottle (counting all his brother as 1 guy). Earlier we 2 might have been enough. "Ab hum log laundein nahi rahe" I couldn't help thinking . This will become our dialog later in the trip along with "Himachali Sabe" (Apple). And yes we eat dinner (our 8th meal in the day). "Lag raha hai kee hum log baraati hai" I mention. And yes Mr E is told he was drinking 'Jungle King'. Off to sleep all of us (All in 1 bed).

DAY 2 -

I get up at 4 o'clock once with severe Nausea, I think I'm about to puke. Its been a long time since I ate or drank so much. I fight back the urge (It'll spoil my record in the past 4 years). So then back to sleep again. These idiots are first to get up, apparently they are in the habit of waking up early. So watch TV till then but stay in bed, even afraid to even put a finger in the water. And through my state of half sleep my blanket is snatched "Ab to uth jao Andy Bhaai". So finally I get out of bed cursing these guys, only to see after that Lion went back to sleep again and Mr E went back to watching TV. I was the first idiot to get ready. And the bravest one to take a bath first.

2.

Again for breakfast to his house. On the way we pass in front of Cheetoz's old school 'Raja Ram Mohan roy academy'. Which i remember because I had filled that too in his forms. We pass in front of a 'Chaat' shop. And Lion habitually has to stop there to eat 'Puchkas'. It is my idea to walk till his house. Part of my all new 'Get fit/Lose weight program', for which i get sufficiently cursed. Though we did pass along a few apples on the way so in a way i was forgiven, of which one's scooty almost even hit me. "Andy bhaai aap se ladkiyan hee nahi ladkiyon kee gaadi bhi duur nahi rah sakti" Mr E comments. Right.

So after breakfast we convene at the 'Wedding Point'. A sort of Banquet hall owned by the Walia's only. We all wonder that what kind of engagement is this where there is no bride to be.
"Abey yahaan Bhabhi kahaan hai ?"
"Wo nahin aai"
"To sagai kaise hogi'
"Hamare yahaan isi ko sagai bolte hai"
Brilliant. Its a 'Teeka' ceremony by the way. Our dude gets a gold chain, a watch along with a few other goodies. Mr E had earlier asked " Waise ye to bataao kee ladke ka sauda kitne mae tay hua hai ?"
"Teri Sir kee kasam ek rupya nahi le raha hai bhaai".
Ok.
And we also realize that Ankur has no idea whatsoever what are the functions going to be in his wedding. It seems its like a 4 day booze party for the Men in the house.

Gupta also arrives by lunch time. But by that time we had already hogged. So it was him to give Cheetoz company. Despite him being the Groom he has to get up and get everything for himself and others. "Bichaara ye to bahut gareeb type Dulha hai", Gupta remarks.

We have the cocktail party in the party in the night, Cheetoz reminds us. Good, something to look forward to, i think.

By the way Gupta had arrived in his Honda CR-V along with a driver(read Chauffeur) . But thats typical Gupta for you, can't help not showing off. "Bhaai main Malaysia jaa raha huun" He ed while we were talking of something else. "Badhiya hai Guptajee", I reply.

So in the evening we go out to shop. We enter in the same Planet Fashion again. While I start looking for my Grey shirt for the interview these people start looking for something else. Lion looks for Jackets/Blazers. he tries several of them, few look good too but he in the end doesn't buy anything. While i ask for advice about two grey shirts from the guys. 'Naah' is the reply. Why dont you try this , Mr E points for a blazer, shirt, tie which had been put for display. The store guy brings me the shirt. I try it on. "Bahut sahi lag rahi hai bhaai" the crowd reacts. "Bhaai wo tie bhi try karke dekho". Ok i try the tie too. "Arey ultimate lag rahe ho, interview main selection pakka" Ok . Pack them both I tell the guy.

Getting back on the first floor me and Mr E both go in the changing room to try on a shirt. When i get out i see that Mr E had tried the same shirt i did in maroon color and Gupta is holding the same shirt in purple, while i have black on (though i wanted to buy silver, had just tried the black for size). Brilliant ! "Bhaai hai, choice to milgei hee" is the explanation given by Lion. And i wish the thing doesn't go for wives now.

So we buy that shirt. I in silver, Mr E in red and Gupta drops the plan. I pay my share of 4500/- bucks with card and walk out of the store. While coming back Lion is going through the stuff he reads the bill and exclaims "Andy Bhaai aapki Tie 2500 ke hai"
"WHAT ???"
"Haan ye dekho bill 1 shirt so much, 2 shirts so much and 1 tie 2500"
"Abey kya baat kar raha hai" "Theek se dekh, 250 hoga. Kal bhi to Allen Solly kee tie lee thi wo to 300 kee thee"
"Nahi bhaai 2500 hai. Aapki tie shirt se mehngi hai"
WTF !!!
I see the tag - 'Louie Phillipe' - 'Gods and Kings collection' - "Hand made silk ties by master craftsmen..........."
"Lag gaye L*$#"

By the time Gujju also arrives. Straight from Dabaai ! (Dubai). The dude has come from delhi to here in a rented taxi from Hertz. Rich Guy ! Not to mention along with a bottle of 'Jo Daniels' (Jack Daniels for others, but we know each other from along time). A bottle of gold tequila. And a big packet of toblerone.

So we all enter the cocktail party. Surprise. There are tables neatly laid out everywhere with 5 types of snacks on everyone. Bottles. Glasses. Cold drinks, soda, water, the whole works. I hate to say it but I think the cocktail party was the most elaborate and well planned event in the whole marriage.

We are given a separate table inside with a bottle of 100 pipers, Smirnoff, and my favorite VAT 69 ! So we start . Gujju takes out his collections of Cigars. One real cuban. And davidoffs are also offered to everyone. After a few pegs only the guys start losing team. Ankur starts shouting "Bahut pee liya saalon, ab aa jao Dance karne" So say his Jiju from Bangalore. Ok so we all leave our stuff there and get near the DJ (if u can call him that). We start dancing , in full Baraati style. Baccha also arrives by now, and we go and Pick up Moksh baba too.

Back to dancing. Then we realize we need to rest a while and wet our throats. So we go back to ur table to see everything has been taken. Booze, cigarettes, food, Cigars, even the matchbox. Gujju is stunned. " Ha ha ha ... welcome to India gujju" I say. Thank god we smoked the Cuban. Well gujju get his bottle of JD which is again distributed among the crowd there, I am the only lucky one to pour myself a 90 quickly from it. Anyways we get back to dancing . On the beat of the dhol this time.
Mr Ankur's younger bro is also dancing near me, wielding something black black in his hand.
Shit its a pistol ! (German made as i was told later)
Other people see it too , so they run and try to snatch it from his hand.
And yes now the Gun is pointed at me.
"Beta Andy aaj ho gaya tera kaam" "Cheetey kee shaadi mae teri maut bhi likhi thee".
Thank god it was taken from his hand.
Though it was fired outside after an hour or so. And i was given to offer too but i declined. Which i regret now.

Anyways afterwards we return back to the hotel.
"Panchon bhaai ek hee bister mae soyenge"
(Though gupta was more like one and half but u can count Gujju as half only so we were effectively 5 only)
Super !

To be continued.....

ADVICE, LIKE YOUTH, PROBABLY JUST WASTED ON THE YOUNG

Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 2 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '08:

Drink wine

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, Wine would be it. The long-term benefits of drinking wine have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 5 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Do one thing every day that scares you. The adrenaline is best high and aphrodisiac Nature can offer you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Read.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love SMS. Delete all the hateful messages from your cell phone.

Remember that no one has control over what happens tomorrow so make the best decision upon the facts you have now but don’t worry about the consequences.

Think.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance.

Even if you have nowhere to do it but your bathroom.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. And you’ll be surprised to know how less you knew about the person you know from more than 20 years.

Take a trip alone with your dad.

Be nice to your siblings. No matter how much you hate them now. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Make friends on not much fun you have, but who lessens your discomfort the most. Honesty among friends is a highly underrated virtue. Look for it.

Don’t smoke.

Remember that picking up a bad habit is easy but kicking it is very difficult. That all habits begin with just once and just once more. Don’t force anyone to quit too. Don’t let anyone force you too.

Live in Bombay once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Dehradun once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

No matter what Jhumpa Lahiri said about traveling by books without moving an inch. Traveling is the best way to know the country you were born in. And the strange people living in it.

Do an MBA, or at least try to do one. You’ll never realize how much there is to know about yourself otherwise.

Go to a good college. Otherwise you’ll never know what the phrases ‘Shining India’ and ‘Fire in the belly’ really mean.

Play.

Learn to play at least one musical instrument. You’ll realize how much music there is inside you.

Advise.

But be careful whose advice you buy, and be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the Wine.

-- Anirudh Singh Chauhan
Feb 4, 2008

P.S. Original Idea taken from Mary Scmich's article of the same name. Read it here .

De Brevitate Vitae - The Shortness of Life

Ok this is a song sung at university convocations mostly. Though the students sing it as a beer song. I found it the latter too. And quite good too so couldn't refrain from posting it.

Latin - English


Gaudeamus igitur - Let us rejoice therefore

Juvenes dum sumus - While we are young
Post jucundum juventutem - After a pleasant youth
Post molestam senectutem - After the troubles of old age
Nos habebit humus. - The earth will have us.

Ubi sunt qui ante nos - Where are they
n mundo fuere? - Who were in the world before us?
Vadite ad superos - Go up to heaven
Transite in inferos - Or cross over into hell
Hos si vis videre. - If you wish to see them.

Vita nostra brevis est - Our life is brief
Brevi finietur. - It will be finished all too soon.
Venit mors velociter - Death comes quickly
Rapit nos atrociter - We are cruelly snatched away.
Nemini parcetur. - No one is spared.

Vivat academia! - Long live the academy!
Vivant professores! - Long live the teachers!
Vivat membrum quodlibet - Long live each student!
Vivant membra quaelibet - Long live all the students!
Semper sint in flore. - May they always flourish!

Vivant omnes virgins - Long live the virgins
Faciles, formosae. - Easy and beautiful!
Vivant et mulieres - Long live mature women also,
Tenerae amabiles - Tender and lovable
Bonae laboriosae. - And full of good labor.

Vivant et res publica - Long live the state as well
et qui illam regit. - And those who rule it!
Vivat nostra civitas, - Long live our city
Maecenatum caritas - And the charity of benefactors
Quae nos hic protegit. - Which protects us here!

Pereat tristitia, - Let sadness perish!
Pereant osores. - Let haters perish!
Pereat diabolus, - Let the devil perish!
Quivis antiburschius - Let whoever is anti-student
Atque irrisores. - Who laughs at us, perish!



Oh and by the way this song is a hymn by Strada - Bishop of Bologna (Italy) in 1267

.

.

I remember

I remember when i was a kid we used to play this game, in the college pool.
Who would dive, touch the bottom and get up the fastest to the surface.
I remember I used to cheat. I never would touch the bottom, go only half the way and then tried to come back to the surface fast !
I always lost.

I was surprised. Though a hopeless swimmer, I used to be good at this games , find the coin, catch the pebble etc. Or maybe I used the play these games all the time,thats why I was hopeless swimmer. But I couldn't learn one important thing from his little game.

I remember in my first year I saw my friend Ashutosh go through a real bad time. He had a fight with his friends, his love life went awry, his grades were down in the dumps.
And then, I saw his meteoritic rise. He consistently scored more than 70 % , lost oodles of weight, went from a meager 60 percentile in mock cats to a dizzying 97 percentile in CAT 2006. He maybe never had it so good. But I couldn't pick a simple clue from his life.

And the that one small thing was -

You can't rise up until you've hit the bottom

???

कितनी बातें कहनी की हैं ।
होंठो पर जो सहमी सी है

Straight from the Shipot

As I sit on a shitpot,
Engulfed in a aura of thought,
Sweat dripping down my cheeks,
I think what a man seeks.

Is it money, is it trust,
Is it love, is it lust,
Or what is it that is must?
As the light through the window recedes,
I sit on a shitpot looking for what a man seeks.

I’m not satisfied he chants,
But he doesn’t even know what his heart wants
Working for a dollar, killing for a cent,
I wonder if he’s screwing up the present.
But always in the future he peeks,
Sitting on the shitpot I wonder what a man seeks.

He does anything for power
Spills blood for a shower.
He rapes, he kills,
He robs and still he chills.
With nature’s laws he tweaks
Sitting on the shitpot I look for what a man seeks.

He earns and earns,
And still for peace he yearns.
He people around him he shuns,
And still after their love he runs.
The question that baffled the Romans and Greeks
I sit on the shitpot and ponder what a man seeks.

Something is wrong, somewhere down the lane.
It’s his desires that are causing all the pain.
He doesn’t know he lingers on,
He doesn’t look back to see what is it that he won.
As the days turn into weeks,
I’m still sitting on the shitpot looking for what a man seeks.

Drinks

Well I thought there has been too much Melancholy and booze in my blog and also after the Fiasco a few days back I rather write (and think) about anything but booze.

So no booze in this post (none in my life too for sometime)

So I’ll write abut Non alcoholic drinks and how useful they are. I think alcohol and its uses have been done to death anyways.

Let’s first start from the drink that makes life possible in this planet. Water. H₂O. Well it’s a compound of hydrogen and Oxygen having Molecular weight 18 and common by product in Red-Ox reactions. Earth surface is majorly made up of water (70%). More than 62 % of our body weight is made up of water. It’s been known as a very good thirst quencher (although a distant second to beer). Its uses are many, it can be used as to mix with whiskey, or with rum, brandy, some with people even mix it with vodka but I wonder how it would taste. It can be used as a cure for acute dehydration i.e. a hangover though it’s better if you mix it with lemon juice first (first hand experience). And of course it’s a major ingredient of ice cubes. The small translucent solids we use to chill our drinks, to keep beer cold in ice boxes and they are the rocks in ‘On the rocks’ drinks.

Second would be Soda. Carbonated water, also known as sparkling water, fizzy water, soda water, club soda, seltzer water, or pop water is plain water into which carbon dioxide gas has been dissolved, and is the major and defining component of most "soft drinks". It’s a complex drink made with water (the aforementioned drink), carbon di oxide (CO₂), common salt (NaCl) and lot of other complex chemicals. Common uses are as a mix with whisky, with Vodka and lime. Or just with lime and salt. Also told to be curing acidity by a few stupid friends of mine, though soda itself contains Carboxylic acid.

Third would be Soft drinks or Cold drinks as they are popularly known in this side of the world. Again carbonated water with Sugar (lots and lots), artificial flavoring substances and Permitted class II preservatives. They come in many flavors viz. Cola, Orange, Lemon, Mint (yes yes it did, in the movie Corporate) and lots of other flavors. Uses would be to gain a beer belly without drinking beer, ruin your teeth, gaining Osteoporosis. Though it’s chiefly used by teetototallers to give company to alcoholics and by alcoholics to give company to their drinks (I mean who drinks neat?? Except drunkards beyond help, although you can drink a whole bottle with water and still call yourself a sensible drinker) Also used by big shots to sweeten their drinks as they can’t handle the bitter whisky otherwise, but under the disguise that it gives color to the drink, or my personal favorite it brings out the flavor of whisky (You morons!! Whisky is supposed to be golden brown and it has all the flavors it needs). Though mixing with Vodka and white rum (read Bacardi) is socially acceptable in most parts of the country.

And last but couldn’t be further from Least is Milk. (Perverts behave!!) Yes Milk it is. This drink of course needs no introduction and doesn’t require a run through of composition. It’s the stuff which Ice creams are made of. The thing we use to cure hang over induced acidity and to as few of my friends put it to form a layer in the stomach before the expected onslaught of more alcohol. Though I heard it’s mixed with vodka to form a cocktail known as Doug or something (It was the movie brick. Awesome movie... Neo noir and… Naah, never mind). But its best and most generic use is with Bhang. A little bhang with cardamom milk mixed in a brass urn and ample amount of sweets later can certainly do the trick (Honeymoon travels anyone??). A very popular drink, especially in the countryside.

So you see alcohol is not the only thing in this world. There are other drinks far more useful than liquor. And as I realized today and I’m sure you would too that without these drinks life would be impossible.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems (but then so doesn’t milk).

And please excuse the guy who wrote in the brackets it’s the alcoholic in me.