City of People

I remember once in my first year I asked my friend Ashutosh "Do you like Bangalore ?". He said "ya I do, but not the people here, I wished the city was Bangalore but the people were of Lucknow only".
To that I replied " The people only make the city, if it had people from Lucknow they would have made this Lucknow only"
He agreed.

But now I am confused.
Maybe the its the other way around. Maybe Bangalore would have made them 'Bangalore people' only.

So now I ask do the people make the city or its the city that makes the people ?

When I entered Bangalore around 5 years back I was a different person from what I left it as. It molded me, sometimes hammered me into shape. And I am not the same I was, I can't think of anything I did to the city but I know of hell lot of things the city did to me.

From a wide eyed and naive boy of 19 to a guy which gets shocked by nothing its been a quite a change.

But the years I was there I influenced a lot of people around me, sometimes subtly sometimes dramatically, sometimes knowingly sometimes unknowingly. And they might have influenced others around them. Thus maybe causing a small dent in this great city's Armour.

When I went to Bangalore I was surprised to see my brother and his friend's lifestyle. I thought how did they lived the way they did, said the things they said.
But after 4 years I became somewhat like them, rather we became somewhat like them.
We got 'Bangalored' in our own way.

But how did we change ? Or how does anyone change ?
There was nothing in the water there. No magic ingredient in the food. It was the people around us that change us. What they say, what they do and what they show they did. And those people make the city and makes us too.

So do we make the the city ? Or it is the city that makes us ?

P.S. - Comments awaited. Maybe we can debate on this and find out. I know this all is very vague and confusing so will try to clarify whatever I can.

Pity us men.........

Problems -

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your but and find something better.

If you don't act nice to her friends, you hate her friends.
If you do, you are a pathological flirt.

If you do not call every once in a while, it means that you do not care.
If you do that means you are acting possessive.

If you get in a fight with someone who passed a comment on her, you are a hot headed jerk.
If you ignore it, you are a coward.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you go out with your guy friends once in a while she is second priority
If you ask her to come along everywhere, you have no life.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you hold the door open for her you are a Chauvinist.
If you do not, you don't have any manners.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you offer to help in a thing she is having trouble with that is demeaning her.
If you not, you simply do not care for her.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're a fag.

If she asks you out thats her boldness.
If you do then "you men are all the same !"

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you use a facewash you are panzy.
If you do not you have no idea how to take care of yourself.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.

And you still think that women need empowerment ?


P.S. - The only thing guys have is that the world is their Urinal !!!

In an Absolut world - MBA Interview

Well inspired from the Absolut Vodka's campaign I will be writing about some of my own thoughts for a perfect world.

I'll start from what has become a living nightmare for me these days MBA Interviews.

MBA Interview

Professor : So Mr Chauhan come in and please sit down.....

Me : I already am in Sir and I figured that these chairs are for me only to sit down so I did

Professor : Ok. So tell me something about yourself.

Me : Well I'm crazy about music. I love to party. I have a huge music collection. In fact I secretly wished to be a DJ but I thought I'll earn more money being a manager so I am here. I'm a engineer, from correspondence, now don't ask how. I was a average student in school and had no idea about MBA but started preparing for IIT as it was a big thing in my city. Nearly missed it the 2nd time. So I figured as you are in a average college so its better to have fun.

Professor : So what was your favorite subject in college ?

Me : You seem to have a short memory sir. I said I was busy having fun in college. And nobody likes any subject which they have to study forcefully.

But you can ask me anything about Automobiles because I'm sure that I have 5 times more knowledge in it then any old man can have. And I have mugged up the names of the CEOs of the big companies, their turnover , no of cars produced etc.

Professor : Naah, never mind. you scared me already. Now I will have to ask some HR questions to save face.

Me : Shoot.

Professor : So tell me about your strengths and weaknesses ?

Me : Well sir my strength is that I can drink most guys under the table. I never puke. I never get into fights, or into accidents or majorly embarrass the people with me. I once drank 14 bottles of beer after my breakup and lived to tell the tale.

Weakness, that would again be Booze, I can't resist it. Come exam the next day or Hell or High water. And also I can't get up early in the morning.

Professor : So what are u doing about your weaknesses ?

Me : Sir if I have to get up early then nowdays I don't sleep only and catch up with the missed sleep on the way or in class or at work.

Professor : Hmmm... So tell me an example where you took charge of a difficult situation and came out of it.

Me : Sir once my friend Tarun took me to a place where about 30 guys were ready to bash my bones and it was just the 2 of us. My friends had gone elsewhere and we were alone. But I showed courage in the face of danger and patted the opposite group's leader on the back and said
"Bas yahi ? Jaa apne baap ko bhi bula le hum log tab aate hai" and coolly drove out of there.

Professor : Very good. Now show me an example of your managerial skills.

Me : Sir once my friends had planned a huge party at my place and didn't even tell me about it. But I was asked by one of my friends if I'm having a party at my place (PR). Then i confirmed it the people who had planned the party and started preparing. First I got rid of my flatmate and girl friend (HR) because I knew what ruckus it was going to be (Long term vision). Then I made a list of things required such as plastic glasses, snacks, plates, chilled water and cold drinks and told them where to get it from (material resource planning/logistics). Then I messaged everyone to come at my place for the party, I messaged because it was free (Marketing on a budget). We were a little short of cash so arranged for the money from other people. Interest free loans with no repay period (finance). After we started drinking I made sure that everybody had his glass full and everybody was close to a bottle (Operations). People who asked for whiskey got whiskey, vodka for vodka and beer lovers got beer (Quality control/Six Sigma). Everybody not only got drunk in the end and but some people were totally smashed (Moving from Consumer Satisfaction to Customer delight). I even asked if anybody was drunk that night the next day (Marketing research).

So you see I was born to be a manager.


Professor : Impressive but can you work under stress ?

Me : Well I have studied on the night before the exam every time during my engineering so this can tell you loads about my stress management capabilities.

But I'll give you an even better example. You see sir when I was in my 3rd year my Parents made a surprise visit to Bangalore. They just called me an hour before they were about to reach. And I had just woken up at 4 o clock and was hung over from the night before due to drinking like an maniac. And not to mention that my house was filled with empty liquor bottles and cigarette stubs. From the bed to the curtains everything stank of cigarette. And yes sir I also lived in with my girl friend which my parents didn't knew.

But in that one hour i cleaned out the house, changed the bed sheets, removed the curtains. Threw away the bottles and cigarettes, washed my Dust bin. Removed my girl friend and her stuff. And got a new room mate complete with his books and clothes. And my parents still don't have a clue.

Professor : Wow ! And whom do you consider your Idol ?

Me : Sir Mithunda. In the epic movie Gunda he was one step short of god. Not only was he a good son and a good brother but also a good husband and father. He showed us how to combat evils like flesh trade, Prostitution, Corruption and the value of citizen partnership in law upkeep and benefits of adoption. And not to forget the value of being punctual by his dialogue "Do chaar cheh aanth dus... bus !!!"

And he was not only a dancer, choreographer, musician, poet rolled in one but also a race car driver, weight lifter, boxer, karate expert, Jodoka and expert in all firearms including pistol, sniper rifle and bazooka.

And all the while he was working as a Coolie at the Airport.

Professor : So do u read ?

Me : Yes sir.

Professor : So what was the last book you got to read ?

Me : Well actually sir the last book I read was "Letters to Penthouse" where the Crazy Americans share their all sex stories but I would rather quote something from V.S Naipaul or Salman Rushdie. I have never read any of there books because I can't fathom why anybody would go through 500 pages about a story that is boring, consult a dictionary every two mins to reach a ending which doesn't make any sense or conclude. But I have read their plot summaries and tens of their reviews on the net and mugged all of them up.


Professor : So why this Institute ?

Me : Well after no calls from IIMs or XLRI and getting the shaft from all the top level institutes I have no option to come to you. Also that the college is in a hip locality and I also the heard the chicks in the nearby colleges are hot. Also your website quotes though fake but a high maximum package for last year.

Professor : And why should we take you ?

Me : Duh... I'm willing the pay the fees. And after clearing a challenging exam like CAT i have crammed up truck loads of data about our GDP growth rate, Purchasing power parity, Sub prime crisis, stock markets and difference between bonds and debentures. And facts that I'm never going to use like President of Uganda, editor of outlook business, Finance minister of china, people below poverty line in the US of A.

And the fact that I have traveled 1000 kms to get here, staying in sidey hotel for 2 days now, dressed up in a business suit in the July heat and have dealt with Insane amounts of stress since morning without eating anything. So if that doesn't convince you, nothing will.

Professor : Ok Anirudh, last question. Why do you want to a MBA ?

Me : Well Sir i will be really honest on this one. Well I have seen my parents my whole life taking orders from people who were not even half as competent as them. My friends being tortured by their bosses, while the boss took the credit for everything and the blame always went to the employees. So I thought I better bypass this step and directly enter at higher in the food chain. I would rather dish out shit than take shit from someone.

Also that managers get better paid, promoted faster. Have power lunches, get to travel a lot on company money for sitting in an A/C room passing around vague terms , buzzwords and weasel terms and then get drunk in the night in the post meeting dinner. And videos like 'Naughty Office' where the boss gets lucky with the secretary have made my conviction even stronger.

And lastly the thing is that I made a complete mess of my engineering. And the only way to purge my sins and not spend 10 years of my life sitting in front of the comp typing codes was to do a MBA.

Professor : Well that'll be all. Thank you Anirudh.

Me : Thank you sir.

Manipal Trip - 2 (Manipal Part)

Got up and nice and early the next morning too. Didn't want to be late for the bus. Reached there before time too.

Tragedy 2 -

Again tried to sleep in the bus as was kind of Hung-over but realized that it was futile. The road was very bad and was full of twists and turns. A/C and a Volvo bus were not able to help me. Two guys puked on the way.

Way to go!

Stopped once in between for Oota (Food). Had Idli-Sambhar in some restaurant (if it could be called that) . After 4 years in Bangalore and being in such pissed off state I had lost all my desire for good food.

Realized that I had forgotten my 2500 buck tie in Bangalore. It was hanging neatly in the closet where I left it so as not to get crushed.

Reached Mangalore at 6:15. 15 minutes too late it seemed. The next bus for Udupi will leave at 7. Had nothing to do so sat in the bus disgusted and thinking what to do about the tie. The bus left at 7:15. It was one and half hour ride which I spent looking 0utside. Saw Surathkal (of NIT Surathkal fame) was on the way and returned about 5 phone calls explaining why I am not n Manipal despite leaving at 9 in the morning.

Finally reached Udupi and then further Manipal at around 9. A full 12 hours after I had left. Rendezvoused with Anubhav, he was waiting for me outside the hotel

It was Humid as Hell! Thank god the room was A/C. Met the other dude who was with him. He was actually a DUDE. While we were reading the budget and C++ he casually rolled up a joint and smoked away.

Went out to eat and me and Anubhav were both surprised that the roads were nearly deserted and nothing was open here. Although guys boozing standing out of a rather well stocked 'Wine shop' and a couple intimately chatting in the night sitting at a bus stop lifted my spirits a little. And the best thing was 'No cops in sight anywhere' !

The next day was the GD/PI day or 'Hell day' as I will refer it to from now.

I got to sleep in middle of the bed and was worried a little too much so couldn't sleep.

Tragedy 3 -

I got up at 5:30 after sleeping at 1:30 (it would have generally meant me waking up at 5:30 in the eve, rather late by my standards too but this time it was 5:30 in the morning). I was the first to get up and get ready.

There was no hot water so had to take a bath from cold water only. This was one thing I thought I would not be able to do, but I guess 'time teaches you everything'.

Reached TAPMI, registered ourselves and sat for the the boring presentation. Saw a senior of our college there too.

We all 3 had different panels. So we went to our respective rooms for GD. A nice, friendly girl Renuka sat near me (at least she seemed friendly before the GD started). Got talking to her for a few minutes, then the faculty arrived. One lady (hereby referred to as the evil HR lady or EHL), the Snobbish Admission In charge (SAI) and one young idiot (YI).


Tragedy 4 -

The topic was "Are news channel losing their credibility ". We were 17 people in all and the GD started as a fish market. Our friendly Renuka butchered a lot of people's points and silenced many with her shrill voice. Yours truly was largely unfazed though, and tried to make a few good points. Few people were hogging all the Airtime and some people didn't even bother speaking up. The discussion lost steam and went banal in the last few minutes. Some idiot tried to play leader and invited the audience to speak, but they again repeated the points and some people couldn't shut up now too after howling for last 10 mins.

Then we were asked to write the summary of the GD in 10 mins. I wasted a few mins trying to compose the summary in my head, and then got to writing. But time was called before I got to finish it, I could have sworn it wasn't ten mins yet but no one else resisted. And anyways couldn't do anything about it.

Then we got to Extempore. The first guy spoke well. But after that many people fumbled. I was sitting in my chair comfortably criticizing everyone's performance. Then I got my two topics

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

It isn't over till its over.

Though I selected to speak on the 2nd one I was about to feel the former first hand very soon. I started off in style -

"When Thomas Alva Edison tried to invent the light bulb a hundred years back....."

But then fumbled and lost my chain of thought. Did umm, ahem... aaa.... umm.... for around 10 secs, was ready to throw in the towel there and but thought hey "It isn't over till its over". Picked up from there but the damage was done and couldn't conclude it.

We were asked to come after 2 PM. I asked EHL where would our room be but she got mad. Started ranting about how this is not Lucknow's bhool bhulaaiya and all, totally uncalled for. I stated hating the Inst and her then and there.

Went back to the Hotel to find that Anubhhav had the keys and there was no spare key in the hotel. So went off to some place to eat something. Got the keys after sometime and went back to the room. Anubhav came back after sometime and told the interview was very casual, no problem.

But I was soon about to find that won't be the case in my case.

Renuka was the first one to go in and soon returned all smiles and said they just casually talked. I was about to go in she stopped me and asked me to go in smiling. Little did she realize that was the last time I got to smile in that interview.

I was asked t0 explain my extraordinary performance in B.E. and my 4 backlogs. And then all hell broke loose on me. EHL, YI and SAI took turns punching at me. And I got to know what does a Pizza undergoes in the oven while we are waiting for it outside. SAI did one bad thing he started asking me about Automobiles, and soon realized that I was the boss there. But they soon got back to grilling me on my performance in BE and what was I doing in those 4 years in Bangalore. The YI read my SOP and laughed at it, and then I really lost my nerve. I will never get to know that was it a routine 'Stress Interview' or they started grilling me because they thought I was lying or maybe they didn't really like me. But the end result was I got badly grilled and I'm sure I must have made some mistakes due to the stress I was in.

Anyways went out fuming, and warned my panel mates about the grilling I received.

Went back to the Hotel and went out to eat. Was very much bugged already. Though got pleasantly surprised to learn that my Director's interview was today only and I was the last but one candidate.

Went to TAPMI at 6 to realize that the guy from 4 o clock hasn’t got his turn.

Got my turn at 8. I was in only for 2 mins, the Director kept reading from my form and I just got to say 'Yes Sir' to every question.

Was so bugged in the end that I took the first bus out at 9 of this God-Forsaken place without even eating dinner.

Tragedy 5 –

Was feeling a bit relieved after sitting in the bus, thinking that I would be in my beloved Bangalore in the morning. But my miseries were not to end soon. They guy in my next seat puked, and I got to sit beside him in the A/C bus for hours. And if that was not enough the bus broke down in the middle and I had to take a bus to Mysore and then a bus to Bangalore from there. Finally reached Bangalore at 10 in the morning.


No more tragedies from here on. Ate to my heart's content in Razzmatazz. Drank to my body's content in Bush & Bull. Drank some more in Ujwal that night. Had to good chat, though only for 5 mins in the night and dozed off.

Got up early again in the morning next day and was in Kota by night fall. Back to Home food and my own bed and no worries.

I'm loving it!

Manipal Trip 1 (Bangalore part)

This is a continuation of my travelogue. Only have 2 more trips to go. And after the experience I had on this one I am sick of them.

I was very excited on the eve of leaving, couldn't sleep. And party due to that I have to get that LOR (Letter of Recommendation) ready before leaving. So I was up for whole night packing my things and got the letter edited from Sonell. Started getting ready at 5, had to catch a bus at 7. Didn't realize that this was my first of many sleepless nights to come.

Was before time for my bus. Dad doesn't generally trusts me on this sort of stuff so was extra careful packing my things and reaching before time. Sat on the bus, was hoping to sleep on the bus but couldn't sleep due to some problem or the other. Just had bread omelet before leaving. Reached Airport before time too. Couldn't find anything to eat on the stupid Airport. Went through check in and security check quickly. Sat int waiting area for an hour as the flight was late. Couldn't find anything to eat there, found duty free booze shop there but wasn't allowed to carry anything on domestic flight. Damn Indian Government !

As soon as the flight landed somebody's phone rang and he started speaking in kannada
'yeli sir....'. I was back in Bangalore. Went through baggage claim and was out soon. Harsh had called asking where was I, I said Jaipur, wanted to surprise him. Met Dada, Anil and one more dealer outside. Invariably talk was about dealing , seats and Candis all the time in the car. I was already feeling sick of it. Dada said " Bhaai dealing kee baat nahi karenge to gaadi ka pahiya kaise ghumega ? " Right said brother. It took one and half hour to reach Ramaiah, about the same time it took me to reach Bangalore from Bombay. MG road was choked, spent half an hour on that alone.

Stopped for booze on the way . Kingfisher Draught, after so many months. It felt like elixir from heaven. Other people went to party, Me and Dada went to his home and started on our respective sad stories over beer. Soon (after 2 beers only) i dozed off while talking to him.

Tragedy 1 -

Got up nice and early , asked Harsh for his bike . Chirg bhaai came to give his bike. Dropped him off. He said it has petrol to go for another 10 kms. Anyways I thought I'll fill while going back to college just-in-case. But the bike dried up while I was not even half way back. Had to push the bike for a km or so. Back in Bangalore baby !

Went to college to realize that map of college was changed and department was no more. There was a new building for the Mech. department. After asking around for sometime I found out the dept and the office. Took my mark sheet and looked around for HOD's chamber. After searching for 10 minutes I got the nerve to ask the always grumpy and irritated office guy where is HOD's chamber.

"HOD Sir is on leave till Monday"
Brilliant !

And I had a letter to get signed from HOD. Daniel had retired too.

Nothing to do in the college I went back to Dada's place. After thinking for an hour or so I got the idea to get the LOR from Annaiah, that old fool would be more than happy to give it to me. Prepared another letter in his name with some arbitrary crap. Went back to college and searched him for half an hour but couldn't find him, in the end found him heading for the canteen (Mech. Professor of course).

"Excuse me Sir, can I have five minutes of your time "

"Haan bolo kya chaiye tumko ?"

"Sir LOR"

"Khaana kha ke aata hai abhi , thoda daer mae aana"

"OK sir, thank you sir"

Went to the bakeries outside college just to re-live my own past. Ate 'Bun-Samosa' and drank chocolate milk shake (my staple diet in the first year). I wondered why it seemed so far off, almost some other life.

Went back to college, caught hold of Annaiah and got the letter edited (which meant that he changed highly to strongly) and asked me to get it printed. After half an hour of useless parade got the letter printed and after another half an hour of searching got the dept seal on the letter. Booked tickets for the Morning bus tomorrow.

Phew ! Work done. Off to booze now.

Met up with Harsh and went to Bush and Bull.

Two Long Island Iced teas ! (I was inspired from the book - 'The funda of Mixology')

Got talking about my boring life from past 7 months. Downed one more mug of beer and went down. I was already feeling a little drunk. Picchu came there too. She slapped me and declared "Ye to lamba lag raha hai pahle se"

Old friend hug or atleast shake hands after seeing each other after long.

Picchu slapped me !! (But hey, thats typical Picchu for you)

Anyways headed back to Ramaiah and changed and headed to Pebbles. It was refuge in the shitty times that I saw in my final year. A sort of Port in the turbulent seas. A place where found tranquility and serenity, even only for some time.

Found out that 'Our place was moved. Or rather the whole seating arrangement was changed due to to the 'No Dancing' rule imposed by the police there. Got drinking 'chilled beer' in my favorite small small green bottles. Shifted over the Bar. Had tequila. And a few sips of Mojito. Played some stupid 'Flirt with MTv VJs' game and won dog tags and fridge magnets.

Went back to Dada's place, was drunk so slept early. (Plus had to get up early as had a bus in the morning).


to be continued -

Time Machine

Of all the things that I wished since I was a kid, apart from a bigger collection of GI-JOE, the topmost was a time machine. Other people wished Money, Fame, Power, Invincibility, Invisibility etc; all I wished was a time machine.

A simple time travel would give me a whole lot of satisfaction. And not withstanding that fact that a time machine would give a few of the above for example a single share of Wal-Mart would be worth millions today. Or maybe a large bet on India before the start of 20-20 world cup would have fetched me enough to buy an IPL team of myself, with probably Dhoni leading it. I might have been wealthier than Warren Buffet and certainly more famous than Nostradamus, with none of my predictions ever going wrong. I could have been the King maker in the world by knowing which winning horse to back up in the politics. I think I would have been content with that much Money, Fame and Power. And oh I almost forgot to add, a pass out from MIT and then Harvard too, because I would have known exactly which interview questions and what paper would be thrown at me in the near future.

Then I read the book ‘Science’ from Isaac Asimovin my 9th grade, it shattered quite a few of my private fantasies. While talking about Einstein’s famous ‘Twin paradox’ and time as the fourth dimension and the Universe splitting into millions of parallel universes at a time he practically made it clear that time travel is impossible, no matter how advanced how science gets. Basically even if u are actually travel through time or go at speeds comparable to speed of light the Universe will immediately split in two. So when you actually go forward or backward in time you will never be able to go back to ‘Your’ time again. Your Universe would have been split in two parallel universes with no way back to the other one, so whatever you do or disturb here will have no repercussions in ‘Your’ universe.

Pretty sad, isn’t it?

This question was again shoved in my face a few days back, in MICAT. Although not directly, but I was asked to invent a machine and was asked to describe the functions I would put in it. Though I never got around writing it but I did think along the lines of a Time Machine, to end all worlds’ miseries or at least mine. And yes I always wanted to put this function, that the time machine would always bring me back by 12 hours if it’s not reset in that time. This all to save me from getting killed or captured. And of course the TM would only work after hearing my heart beat, which is after recognizing the unique sound my heart valves make. After so many Hollywood movies I have realized that retina scans, leave alone the old school voice recognition, finger print and the Stone Age’s typing in a password never work.

Then I realized that time machines have been in existence since time immemorial. Though not in the heavy machinery, spiral spinning, working on nuclear power devices sense. But they do a pretty good job of transporting you through time, distances - both physical and emotional.

It’s a song!

Yes a song can take you to happy times in your past or can take put the taste back in your mouth of the most bitter heart ache you ever experienced. It can help you daydream about the good things that lie in your near future and can fill your heart and head with romance no matter how remote they seem in the future. No it would not make you insanely rich, that is if you are not some pop singer who focus on your legs/ass or your dyed and gelled hair in your videos more than the song. No it would get you the chicks if you are not a ‘Rock Star’. No it would not end world hunger or poverty maybe not even your own. It might help in world peace in the remotest way. It Might bring you some fame, which soon will soon fade away if your next song doesn’t make as much money.

But hey, it has helped me travel time and again. A song can put me back in my primary school rehearsing the lines of “On top of the world…” and trying to overcome stage fright. In the train I took with my friends in my 9^th grade. Back in Tarun’s room where we sat for hours at end saying nothing but still enjoying each other’s company. Maybe back in my room when I dropped a year fantasizing about the exciting college life that lay ahead of me.

Sometimes a song takes me the first fresher party I had. I never had so much in an afternoon in my life. Sometimes to the time I got to know a certain someone in my life. Sometimes, my first date.

And then sometimes I am transported back to the hell hole of heartbreak that I spent months of my life clawing my way out, and then suddenly life doesn’t look so rosy, in fact its bleak and bitter. The constant struggle to get over, the constant question of why me, what went wrong, did I do the right thing. They all are shoved in my face again. The angst is so strong that I can almost smell it. The rotten feeling in my gut is rekindled. Once in a while I revisit the drunken nights that I spent trying to forgive and forget, while poor Harsh putting up with my idiocy and idiosyncrasies.

And then sometimes to Goa, floating in eternal ocean where I forgot all my worries, sorrows, anger and problems. Never mind only if for a few seconds. To Purple haze sometimes where I used to sing-along or head bang like crazy for nearly every song, especially after copious amounts of beer and tequila shots. Sometime to Spinn where I used to shout “This is my favorite song….” And where I used to dance the now legendary ‘Beer Dance’. Was that fun or was that fun? Sometimes to my old house, where we used to dance around the house after being drunk for no reason whatsoever.

Then sometimes I’m taken to the near future where there is no uncertainty, I know what’s happening to me and what will happen to me. With the cocoon of safety of college around me. To the time when I will dance senselessly again, and be content with my life. Sometimes to the time and place where I can hold my loved one in my arms, gaze in her eyes and say it all without speaking a word.

Pune Trip

Its been a long time since I'm writing a blog drunk. Don't have that liberty anymore. Was planning to write about this from a long time. But never got around it.

I left for Pune on the 28th of Jan, a day after coming from Dehradun. Wasn't too much thrilled about it , but I had to do this. Had two interviews, SCMHRD & SIIB. Dad wanted to accompany me, so we left for Pune.

Reached a day earlier that required, to be the safer side.

First day was SCMHRD , was impressed by the competition as well as the students of it. There was something in their eyes, I couldn't place it. But well, they looked like they had seen their Goal somewhere, someplace that beckoned them , someplace that welcomed them with stretched arms. It was inspiring.

REJECTED. Was face to face with this word after a long time. And I haven't got any better to handle it. Came back to hotel, threw my books and slumped on the bed. All tiredness of the day caught with me at once. Dad got worried, tried to console him but didn't do good work with that.

I got along the evening with some effort but soon it was night. Dad slept around 10. Had nothing to do after dinner, couldn't go anywhere, had nobody to talk to.

I was going crazy, I can never have booze the time I want it most. I felt like shouting out loud my angst, couldn't keep it in me. But had nowhere to go, nobody to tell what I felt, was shouting silently lying on the bed. I longed company , of any sort. But had to face my demons , all alone like always. I was reminded very rudely that I can't stay alone anymore now. I was coming apart at the seams.

I have known people asking for bottle of scotch and a hand gun at such times But I wanted to ask for bottle of scotch and a Iron rod. The imagery was so strong in my head that I could see the rod in my hands, a ribbed rod with threads around it, its end not properly finished and rusting. And I'm sure if I would have been in Bangalore that time with a bottle of scotch and a rod somebody would have got his head split due to being hit by an iron rod, and somebody would have been strangled to death. With the rod forming a blue mark on the neck as a sign of strangulation, with popped out eyes to complete the grotesque picture

Had the same feeling on the 28th Feb. SIIB rejected me too. Or rather wait listed me at 839 . Assuming that there were 120 people selected and around 1000 people that appeared. I was pretty much at the bottom rung, And here I was harboring ambitions getting through. Was having sleepless nights from two days. Knew there was only one way to sleep that night, the lethal combination of booze and sleeping pill. Couldn't drink to my heart's content so had one Pacyl, and I was off to sleep.

All those prayers and lucky charms amounted to nothing. Bitter truth was too much for me to handle, though I was able to keep my sanity this time. And a mix of Appy Fizz and Vodka helped me too.

I was doubting my capabilities gain , which I am doing till now. And thoughts about what will I do if I don't get through anywhere clouded my head, and to be honest I had no good answer and I still don't have it.

But I got to know Pune from close. First thing I noticed that it was somewhat like Bangalore. Same weather, same one-ways everywhere, same traffic congestions, and the same people hating outsiders (read North Indians) .

So much for Symbiosis.