Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Anarchy





Anarchy means "without leaders"; not "without order"


That’s what V says in 'V for Vendetta' and I think I share his view on these.

In these first few days of my MBA I realized this.
Whenever I was put into groups I always fought the leader or rather the emergence of one. Well that’s strange for me because I don’t have any leadership skills nor the desire to be the leader. So why the need for all that? But then I realized that it’s the emergence of leader and not the place of one that I fight. And that’s because I don’t want one, I’m an anarchist.

And that’s where people don’t understand me, either they think that I fight the leader because I want to be one or they think that I prefer some kind of lawless or order less state where there is chaos all around. That they will be no order if there is no leader. But this is where they go wrong.
There has to be decisions made and somebody has to take them but you don’t need a leader to take them. If the group is functional it can take them.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about it –



Anarchy (from Greek: anarchía, "without ruler") may refer to any of the following: · "Absence of government; a state of lawlessness due to the absence or inefficiency of the supreme power; political disorder." · "A theoretical social state in which there is no governing person or body of persons, but each individual has absolute liberty (without the implication of disorder)." · "Absence or non-recognition of authority and order in any given sphere." It should be noted that "ruler," if used in the context of the third bullet point, has no explicit connection to the term "rules." In an anarchy, as defined by the last bullet point, it is possible to have rules (laws); however, these must be agreed upon by the participants in the system, and not imposed from above by a ruler (leader, authority). Some languages, such as Norwegian have two separate words for the two meanings. A state, free from coercive authority of any kind, is the goal of proponents of the political philosophy of anarchism (anarchists).

You don’t have view people as a herd who have to follow their shepherd to get somewhere, but as parts which come together to build something more than just the sum total of parts. And this body, this machine can go together to the place it likes with no one taking the decision for another and everybody taking decisions for the whole.

And this is what I like; I can get along with people, sacrifice and curb my own sentiments to go along what everyone decides. But what I hate is to be told what to do by someone, especially when I have no say in the decision or the authority to challenge it. And I want the same for others too; I don’t want to tell anything to anyone. But the basic premise here is that the other members in the group are sensible, thinking and value their autonomy as I do mine. Plus they don’t have the herd mentality or need to be told what to do. And of course no real benefits for being the leader.

And these of course are not attainable in real life, or maybe difficult to attain. And this is my fight all about. These things I keep fighting and will continue to do till I can, or maybe till I don’t become the herd or shepherd myself. But my basic fight maybe all about is to make people understand that they don’t need a leader to go somewhere, everybody together can do it as good as any leader.

And to highlight the basic problem in people I quote this dialogue from ‘The Joker’ or Late ‘Heath Ledger’ (May his Soul rest in peace).


“You see, nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying. If I told people that a gangbanger was going to get shot, or a busload of soldiers was going to get blown up, nobody would panic. Because it's all part of the plan.. But when I say one little old mayor will die, everyone loses their minds!!
Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I am an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It’s fair!”

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Thing I realized about me....





I was thinking of writing this on my last day in Kota, but never got time to write it. Though I had written it in my head long time back, or rather it was writing itself in my head from a long time ago.

I was alone in Kota for approximately 10 months, and solitude does things to you. And one is - thinking about yourself too much. And therefore I realized a few things about myself. Few things I had thought about myself which were wrong , few things which others told me about me which were wrong, and few things which I had not even thought about myself.

First thing I realized about me that I am not a pessimist, in fact I am a die-hard optimist. I hope for a miracle in the things that I really want to do. My hopeless, pessimistic approach is towards things that I don’t want to do, and it was my approach towards many things because actually I didn't want to do many things. I was happy with life like it was, and hence no desire for change. But for the things I really want I am a die-hard optimist, and I never lose hope no matter how discouraging the situation is, I many times even nearly believed that a miracle will save me.

Second would be that I get attached to the things I have, I don't realize it but anything good or bad that I come in contact with often becomes part of my life. So whenever I move or do something new I think the previous thing/life/was was better.

Third thing I realized was that I always had more questions than answers. It is said what you say says a lot about you. Well in that case I won't say that I have intelligent answers often but I see that at least I have intelligent questions. And that, in this world where telling is so more emphasized than asking is a strange thing. In the two B-Schools GDs I was able to clear, I did not have the wisest of things to say, nor did I have the most ferocious of voice, or the most up to date data, but yes I had the most intelligent questions to ask. And that has made all the difference.


One more thing I realized was that you can't really judge a person, a situation, or a response just like that. You have to be in that position to realize that thing. And more often than not I will do or feel the same thing too. And it has become easier for me to identify with people's feelings. Maybe its called growing up.

Now I don't fell strange about anything or anyone. Anything someone says or anyone does, my response is "Haan ho sakta hai yaar".

The fifth thing I realized about me that the believed that life us binary - there is only high or low. There is no in between, and I thought switching between them is easy, we can go from to very easy. For example I drank like a maniac for 13 days in Bangalore with the Rationale that this will satisy my thirst for booze and I will not drink at all once I go to college, also I thought many times if you too much fun your thirst for it will be quenched but what I realized was the reverse. It made you more thirsty if it did anything. Its very difficult to go from everything to nothing very soon, the more you had of something the more you will miss it. Life is Analogue, its not digital. You have pass through the whole curve before switching to the other side, you cannot go directly from high to low. So if you want to quit don't go all out for it, instead go away from it.But I realized this quite late.


And the last thing I realized about me that I can sleep like a log too. Ringing bells, shouting people, light etc. don’t affect me. But for that I need peace of mind that I had nothing to do before going to sleep, peace of mind that I have nothing to do when I get up, and peace of mind nobody wants anything from me. And these are very difficult conditions, actually near to impossible for someone like me. And hence I never get to sleep properly. In fact day by day my sleep is getting worse. And so is my ability to take stress. Too much stress makes me wanna throw up literally. And it’s hard for me to control it nowdays.


Thursday, May 29, 2008

How to spot if a Guy is from Bangalore ?




He has spiky hair and a French beard.
He is dark.
He is wearing jeans one size too big and tee shirt two sizes big.
Thinks that wearing Metallica/Maiden/Slayer t-shirts is still cool.

He is wearing Nike/Adidas/Reebok floaters.
With white socks !

He ends all sentences with either 'Da' or 'Machaa'.
Calls a cigarette a 'fag' while acting like one all the time.
He likes to roam around on his Yamaha RX 100 , with a modified handle.
The one that 'Upendra' made famous.

You can find him drinking beer at 2 'o' clock in the noon listening to Classic Rock and swearing that they don't sing it so good anymore.
But he surely won't last till 2 'o' clock in the night.
Other than this the bakery is his favorite 'hang-out'.

Secretly dreams of growing a Moustache one day and being a real Macho-Man.
And a fight consists of shouting "Aaeee" and "Raeeee" in every 2 secs while making obscene hand gestures all the time.But no remembers the time when somebody actually hit someone !

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Cruel Joke



I get up from sleep... My head feels a bit weird... Should have not drunk so much last night, but thats what I tell myself every night...

Hmmm... My chest feels a little weird, maybe all that push ups have finally beginning to show fruit, maybe finally I have that pecs.... No wait... Its something else.... I have boobs !!!

Very disturbing... This is the worst hang over ever....

I am a girl...

Dad comes in, runs his hand through my hair and leaves.... Mom shouts that we need to dust the Drawing room today... But I don't think she's talking to me, I mean she's never asked me that before.

I hate whiskey now.... My best friend calls and I am not able to find my phone.. I tell her that but she takes it as a big joke now... Ha ha ha ha ha... A girl who can't find her phone
....

We talk on the phone for nearly an hour... We bitch about Shreya, Sonal and Ritu.... And all this time I thought we all 5 were good friends ... Its Sonal's birthday today, and she is freaking out that I forgot to call her at 12 last night... big deal... Half of my friends forget my birthday... But maybe thats how the game is played.... We talk about the new bottle green jeans that I have bought... Apparently she was about to buy it too.... But then she wouldn't be caught dead in the jeans that I have bought....
Strange.... I have only bought blue Levi's Jeans till now.. Thats what everybody bought.... I am wondering why she laughed so hard when I said I need a light blue jeans and I don't know what exactly sky blue means....

She asks me about the the brown Kurta that I have bought last night.. And tells me about her new tube top... Which is soooooooo..... cute....... And even after talking to my best friend for an hour I feel no warmth... Strange.....

Anyways we make a plan to meet up at Shopper's Stop after office to buy clothes.... I seems we don't have any clothes to wear for Sonal's birthday..... And while coming here I saw an whole Almira full of my clothes.....

In office.
Time to log in Orkut and Gtalk.....

My god !! 20 people online, I have never seen so many people online... After sometime I change my status to busy... It seems like guys can't stop saying HI....

Work is boring.... Hemant and Ashutosh are ready to do my work for me anyways.... They said they will cover up for me for today.... Team Leader says to go back home.. Its already 6..... Though much earlier then my regular time to go home....

Good.. Now I can go partying today.... Saurabh is nearly begging me since morning to go with him... But I can't say yes to him..... He's just a friend you know....

Me and my 'Best friend' meet in Shopper's Stop....

After going through truck loads of stuff we finally agree on buying a top for her... Now why is this shop keeper tugging on his hair ??...

Strange..... I'm having trouble carrying this bag of clothes....

Finally.... I am back home with all that stuff... We also stopped along the way to buy ourselves a pair of hideous ear rings....

- How are these ear rings ???

- Sooooooo... Cute...
This green really brings out the color of your eyes.....

-Huh ??

Tring Tring....
5th call since morning.... All these guys had called to just say to say 'Hi' and had talked on for half an hour... I am not gonna pick this call... He's such an asshole.....

I go back home.. Take a shower and take half an hour to choose clothes for myself.... And apparently I'm in all this cleanliness thing now... I can't wear the shirt I threw on the chair last night...

So its 10 and we arrive at the club... Some sort of Ladies night here and free drinks for all of us...Wow...
Some guys in the distance are being shooed away..... No stags allowed.... Thats too bad...

All the guy's eyes are on me ... Even the ones who are with their girl friends... Strange .. I didn't dress up that well and I needed to lose 5 kgs to wear this dress actually.... I'm bulging from everywhere....

Some of them try to see with the corner of their eyes, some of them look at me and then look beyond me as if they were searching for some of their friends... Guys, I know...

Oh shit ! Girls know !

I go over to the Bar to ask for a beer..... The bartender is ready to oblige me immediately... But he suggests me Vodka Martini instead, all drinks are free anyways for me... Sweeeeeet.....

But why am I getting this feeling that his eyes are following me everywhere ??

Some guy asks me to dance...... I really want to dance and this guy looks like the better of the lot that is here but I say 'NO'... He would have taken me for a slut then it seems.... But why wasn't he looking at my face when he was taking to me ? Poor guy, must have been shy....

Its weird not to sit brazen.... With my legs crossed...

We toast Sonal's birthday every time we order a drink.... We all shout cheers in loud but shrill voice and giggle like School Girls everytime... Who will tell these girls that you only say Cheers once when you start drinking and you never toast to yourself... One of us lights a cigarette and passes it on... But why is not anyone drawing the smoke in ? Hmmm....

Oh my god !
Some friend of hers has brought a cake here to the club... And then we start singing 'Happy Birthday to you' in that voice I had mentioned before.... Man... What kinds of freaks are we ??

Whatever.... I need to go to the loo....

Oh shit ! I have walked in the ladies room... These girls are gonna shout...
Huh ? Nothing happens...
Oh I am a girl now too... But why is everyone hogging the basin and the mirror above it ? Only a few girls seem to be here to pee... A few are talking on the phone for minutes now... Why can't they say "Dude I'm at the club, plenty of hot babes here. Will talk to you tomorrow" and hang up ?

I get back.. All my friends are getting sloshed... And then are shouting 'Oh I'm so drunk' ... Ya, we all can see that anyways....

Sonal asks me to request a song from the DJ...

- "No, he always says no request"
- "Who said that ? He always plays for me."
- "No"
- "yes'
- "Ok i will try"

So I walk up to him and flutter my eyelids at him... "Hey could you please play me......."
- "Sure , it will be the next song"
Bastard ! Why did he had to say no to me everytime ? I always asked for the hottest songs around....

Party ends... Tons of guys ask us to drop us home....
- "Don't worry we'll catch an auto and go" I say.
The girls let out a shreik , some guys start laughing and some guys can't comprehend what I just said....

In the end Sonal finally picks out a guy who will be dropping us from her friends. But not before he offers to buy us a round of drinks and go for a long drive !

Man... How foolish guys are !

Finally we reach my home.... I leave the girls fighting about whom actually was that cute guy looking at.

I get back home, dad opens the door... He grumbles something about the time, my company and how girls should know their limit and goes back to sleep....

I change and go to sleep... Cool....This was the most fun night ever....

I get up from sleep... My head feels a bit weird... Should have not drunk so much last night, but thats what I tell myself every night...

The hair on my arms are back... I run a hand on my cheek... I have a stubble... Freaked I run to the mirror...
no No NO NOOOOOOOOOOO !!!

I'm a guy again. That was all a dream !!

Oh No ! What a cruel joke !


Disclaimer - This is a work of drunk Fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Ennui





A barrage of lights, and a sea of people,
Sounds in the distance and a few smile on loan
They help me peek out of my Palace of ennui. But,
This loneliness never leaves me alone.

The smell of the new air, the sounds of a different scale.
The joy of something new, the thrill of something unknown.
But when all these are done and gone I wish atleast,
This loneliness never leaves me alone.

We all are but passing ships in the vast sea of world,
we think its anywhere together we may roam.
But its the winds and current of life that carry us. Thank god,
This loneliness never leaves me alone.

Sometimes a smiling nod on the way,
A few banter filled talk on the phone.
Life's best year spent with you, but only
This loneliness never leaved me alone.

I know there will be few roads diverging along the way,
Some will lead to oblivion, some will lead to the Throne
There will be more companions beside me on my way.
But soon like leaves in the wind of fate we will be blown.
So with no surety of our time together. Only,
This loneliness will never leave me alone.

But what's the use and whom to blame,
Rant under my breath and cry and groan ?
So, Oh my solitude I welcome you,
This loneliness that never leaves me alone.

People come and go, so shall I one day
I wonder what my epitaph will say on the stone.
But it really doesn't matter. As there too, only
this loneliness will not leave me alone.

.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Beat the Heat




Well here in Rajasthan the temperature is a Soaring 44 C (and its still April). Somebody please stop that 27,245,758 thousand metric tonnes of Carbon Emission !!

Well till that happens here's my 4 ways to beat the Heat -

4. Shower

3. Beer

2. Beer with Shower

1. Shower with Beer


Trust me they work.

Friday, April 18, 2008

City of People

I remember once in my first year I asked my friend Ashutosh "Do you like Bangalore ?". He said "ya I do, but not the people here, I wished the city was Bangalore but the people were of Lucknow only".
To that I replied " The people only make the city, if it had people from Lucknow they would have made this Lucknow only"
He agreed.

But now I am confused.
Maybe the its the other way around. Maybe Bangalore would have made them 'Bangalore people' only.

So now I ask do the people make the city or its the city that makes the people ?

When I entered Bangalore around 5 years back I was a different person from what I left it as. It molded me, sometimes hammered me into shape. And I am not the same I was, I can't think of anything I did to the city but I know of hell lot of things the city did to me.

From a wide eyed and naive boy of 19 to a guy which gets shocked by nothing its been a quite a change.

But the years I was there I influenced a lot of people around me, sometimes subtly sometimes dramatically, sometimes knowingly sometimes unknowingly. And they might have influenced others around them. Thus maybe causing a small dent in this great city's Armour.

When I went to Bangalore I was surprised to see my brother and his friend's lifestyle. I thought how did they lived the way they did, said the things they said.
But after 4 years I became somewhat like them, rather we became somewhat like them.
We got 'Bangalored' in our own way.

But how did we change ? Or how does anyone change ?
There was nothing in the water there. No magic ingredient in the food. It was the people around us that change us. What they say, what they do and what they show they did. And those people make the city and makes us too.

So do we make the the city ? Or it is the city that makes us ?

P.S. - Comments awaited. Maybe we can debate on this and find out. I know this all is very vague and confusing so will try to clarify whatever I can.