In my dreams

“The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.” - Anonymous

Prologue – 

What follows next is the recollection of the dream I had a few days back. I see no reason why anybody would be interested in my dream and its significance, if any. However this was the most significant dream that I have had in the recent years that I could recollect in my waking life. And therefore I feel compelled to write it on my blog and publish the link everywhere, maybe just for the heck of it or maybe it’s a momentary lapse of season. Following the waking up from the dream my first reaction was to note down the happenings of my dream as good as I could before it fades from my memory, as everything does. I couldn’t sleep that night post this dream, as I lay tossing and turning in my bed, churning this dream in my head thinking of the significance of it. But mostly I just reveled in the beauty of it even with its untimely and tragic ending.

I won’t unload any unnecessary esoteric trivia, like dreaming of being in snow was because I was feeling cold (it is cold in Curepipe this time of the year, especially at night) or what could be the interpretation of the proceedings. I know that it doesn’t make much sense nor has continuity, but then it is not supposed to, it is a dream. However two things I want to clear before I begin. First there is no prelude the events I describe, I was smack in the middle of it as dreams often begin. Also there are no reasons to things I deduced, they were just in my notes. Secondly, I wanted to tell what a lucid dream is, as this was, at least at the end. A lucid dream is a dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming. In a lucid dream, the dreamer can actively participate in and manipulate imaginary experiences in the dream environment. A lucid dream can begin in one of two ways. A dream-initiated lucid dream (DILD) starts as a normal dream, and the dreamer eventually concludes it is a dream, while a wake-initiated lucid dream (WILD) occurs when the dreamer goes from a normal waking state directly into a dream state, with no apparent lapse in consciousness. Mine was the former.

The Dream –

It’s daytime. I am in a car, driving. Most probably it is my car, that I drive in the waking life, as it looks and feels the same from the inside. In the front seat is a girl, beautiful, smiling, chirpy, with hair flowing in the wind. There are other people in the car too, two of my younger cousins and one friend from school. I don’t pay much heed to them, I am engrossed in the driving and perhaps my own thoughts. The girl is warm and friendly but there is sadness in her eyes, she also had her heart broken, but she doesn’t behave that way. Like me I mean, I am quiet, a bit aloof and cynical. We get to her house and she invites me inside. She lives with her family. She is a Christian (I don’t how I figured this out). She leaves me alone with her grandparents, as she goes about the house, dancing, twirling and playing with the curtains. Her grandparents start talking to me, they seem to like me. They tell me it was nice of me to give her a lift. I seem to be a responsible person to them and they tell me it would be good of me drop her back home whenever she gets drunk. I deduce that she is a trouble maker when she gets drunk. After a while I say the pleasantries and take leave from them. When I get back to the car my cousins start teasing me while my friend takes me to the side and asks me to be careful with the girl’s heart. And not to pursue this matter any further if I am not serious.  I shrug it off and get back in the car. Cousins keep teasing me all the way in the car.

Scenery has now changed around me. I am still in a car, but this is not my car, nor am I driving it. It is snow all around me, looks like I am on top of some mountain. Car seems fairly bulky but powerful and secured. We start going down the slope.  Gradually I see riots breaking out and people fighting and rioting around me.

The next scene I see that I broke through the front windscreen of the car, due to some collision. As I am flying out of the glass, time slows down and I feel the darkness coming from the edges. I feel this is some premonition of the things to happen and I can save myself from dying. Then I realize that the only reason I saw this is because in some universe this has already happened and it is inevitable. Then I make peace with it. I see it happening, we are going down fast, trying to lose the rioters, someone has thrown something at the windscreen, the glass cracks and it is not possible to see through. The car crashes into something and I am thrown out of the car by the impact through the windscreen. I feel the darkness coming in again, but this time I do not fear it, if death is just the blackness I came back from then there is no reason to fear death. And then, as they say my life flashes before my eyes. Only that my whole life doesn’t flash before me.

The only and the last thought which goes through my head is of that girl and how I won’t get to be with her. I regret not reciprocating the love and her warmth when I had the chance. As I lay dying I feel my heart beat receding and the feeling that it will come to a halt eventually. But now suddenly I want to live, to be with her, I try to fight it, my failing heart beat that is. My dream has become lucid as this point. But I realize that this is in vain as my heart beat becomes fainter and fainter each time and finally is no more. I realize that this is how probably dying would feel like. The dream stops and I wake up at this point.