हमेशा के लिए कुछ नहीं रहता

 

 

कहने को तो मैं किसी से कहता नहीं

पर कभी कभी पन्नो पर है आ जाता

डर, जो मन के किसी कोने मे है छुपा

हर आहट पे मेरे कान मे फुसफुसाता

जो ये है, ये चला जायेगा, मुझको है बताता

मेरे सपनो का ढांचा, मेरी चिंताओं मे है ढहता

हमेशा के लिए कुछ नहीं रहता

 

क्या तूने सोचा था ऐसा वक़्त भी आएगा ?

की लाखों बिना समर के मरेंगे ?

भाई - भाई भी मिलने से डरेंगे ?

इस साल के कितने मंसूबे बनाये  थे ?

Vision 2020 के इश्तिहार कहाँ कहाँ चिपकाये थे ?

कितनी ज़िन्दगी जीनी इस साल तक टाली थी

कितनी तकलीफें तू इस कल के लिए था सहता ?

हमेशा के लिए कुछ नहीं रहता

 

पुराने दोस्तों की आज तुझे फिर याद आयी

एक Zoom call मे वो पुरानी पूरी टोली बुलाई

"कहाँ थे इतने दिन" की आवाज़ उठायी

"Touch मे रहना हमेशा" की फिर गुहार लगायी

ज़िन्दगी फिर से आड़े आ जाएगी ये किस से कहता ?

हमेशा के लिए कुछ नहीं रहता

 

आज मरने पे एक film star के, सबको चिंता है होती

Mental health और नशे का रोना रोज न्यूज़ है रोती

31 बच्चे आत्महत्या कर गए मेरे शहर मे पिछले साल

IIT entrance के लिए Adderall लेते , ऐसा है उनका हाल

क्यों उनके लिए justice के hashtag का ना आया उबाल ?

क्यों उनके माँ को छोड़ के किसी का आज एक आंसू नहीं बहता

हमेशा के लिए कुछ नहीं रहता

 

आज लोगो को कामवाली बाई का महत्व समझ मे आया

जिसको बीमार होने पे छुट्टी ली तो पगार कटेगी से डराया

आज उन्ही को तूने essential workers ठहराया ?

ऑपरेशन मे गड़बड़ होने पे जिनको पीटा

और fees ज़्यादा लेने पे उस Doctor को चोर बताया

अभी कुछ दिन के लिए भगवान का दर्ज़ा तू है देता

हमेशा के लिए कुछ नहीं रहता

 

शमशान मे हर इंसान वैरागी बनेगा

साथ कुछ नहीं जायेगा हर कोई यही कहेगा

आत्मा अमर है के भ्रम मे थोड़ी देर बहेगा

विपदा मे ईश्वर को याद भी करेगा

जीवन को नया मोड देने के सपने भी बुनेगा

फिर hike के लिए  boss चाहिए और school admission के लिए नेता

हमेशा के लिए कुछ नहीं रहता

 

पर इतना नकारात्मक होना भी ठीक नहीं

शायद इस गलती से हम कुछ सीखेंगे भी सही

इंसानियत की कहानियां भी बनेंगी, कुछ कही कुछ अनकही

तू भी तो टूट कर कितनी बार बना है

फिर से लड़ पाने पे तेरी पराजय, पराजय ना रही

अच्छे दिन भी तो वापस आएंगे

ये जिजीविषा इंसानों का हिस्सा है , ऐसा इतिहास है कहता

हमेशा के लिए कुछ नहीं रहता

 

Leave tonight or die this way

It is another boring afternoon to kill,
To watch TV or sneak away for a smoke.
Only two options, melodrama or cheap thrill,
In this small town of a joke.

Take me away from this place.
I know I am the cleverest here.
But wasting away in this dawdling pace,
Waiting for the night to smuggle a warm beer.

I would prefer Grey Goose martinis in a suit,
In my high rise apartment instead of this
Cotts wool shirt and a Bata boot.
And a swanky car wouldn’t be amiss.

I hate that I can’t move around the town
 without ten people knowing. Or to come in
late to the house without one or two frown.
Their English and accents is another of my chagrin.

Everybody listens but none can appreciate me
Fed up with their small thinking, I can’t stay.
I have bigger dreams that I clearly see.
Have to leave tonight or die this way.

INTERLUDE

I can’t remember the last afternoon I had
Now it’s just nights after morning
In this big city; big, hard and bad
Wrapped in a grey smog, forever in mourning

And I am one of the many, wrapped in my gray coat
Lost in grey crowd, between these grey buildings. Sipping
my Grey Goose martinis, scream frozen in my throat.
Playing catch up with its fast pace and always slipping.

Stuck in traffic in my swanky car I search for
a familiar face and fail, or perhaps some trees and pond.
They says it’s the festive rush. But I don’t feel festive anymore
That’d be Diwali at home and old friends to bond.

As I enter my house there’s none to open the door.
Just a key to prove I live here. Neighbors don’t care.
They can’t speak my language and my accent they abhor.
It’ll be just TV and a smoke with none to share.

Everybody appreciates but none listens to me.
Fed up with their alienation, I can’t stay.
I have better dreams that I clearly see..
Have to leave tonight or die this way.

 

Why is all the weakness in me?

Ten thousand texts I’ve sent, but you never reply,
Or to the calls that I make when I’m drunk and I cry;
Nor look up when I pretend to be just passing by.
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?

I did not see you for a week after we broke up.
It was a nightmare from which I never woke up.
Here I cry rivers and only stop to sick up,
And they say you’ve never even shed a tear

I sleep in my room whole day and only come out
To drink myself to sleep again. While you hangout
With you friends and go on with life all stout.
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?

I send hateful messages so you will get angry
And talk to me, ‘cause even for your abuse I’m hungry.
I’m trying to date even though it feels like adultery,
Because in some girls I see your hair in some your eyes

I want to get back, this time I’ll be a better person
To correct my mistake, to put out my own arson.
But you said you don’t and let things even worsen
How are you so strong and why is all the weakness in me?

Ten thousand times you’ve tried me, ten thousand times I turned myself to stone.
But I’ll die if I think you cry let alone hear you on the phone.
Can’t dare look up to you, lest you see in my eyes love still shone.
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?

Overdosed on sleeping pills, was in hospital for week after we broke up.
Nightmares are better than the life to which I woke up.
If I start crying I know I will never let up,
Maybe I'm too sad to cry, too tired to bring a tear in my eye.

I cannot sleep at all, not since they took away the pills
Can’t even stay in the house your memories give me chills
My friends are all that keeps me sane, but nothing fulfills
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?

I see you that you hate me but I cannot say anything,
because it is my fault that caused this thing.
I am happy for you that you are now dating.
Me, I know cannot get another you, this I always knew.

My heart sored when you asked to get back together,
Then I realized you were drunk, not sure you remember whether.
I will never be good enough for you, too false a hope to tether.
But how are you so strong and all the weakness is in me?




P.S. - Inspired by the Joan Armatrading song of the same name