Save for the rainy day. Wait for the storm when it arrives. Study
hard in school to get a good college. Study hard in college to get a good
job. Work hard at your job to retire early. Take consultancy work post
retirement so you can get out of home. Network rather than making
friends. Be happy when your bank statement arrives in the mail. Forget that
your son also had sent a Father’s day card. Instruct your parents to only call
on Sundays at 9:00 PM. Hedge your risks. Google raison d’être when someone mentions it to you.
Buy the latest iPhone from the money you have saved for the
trip to your sister’s. Use the word consumer when you meant people. Give up
your dreams; get that 7 figure salary job.
Buy a glass case for your guitar. Remember more misery equals more
money. Get a silk upholstered couch, have no friends to call over. Remind your
sub-ordinates how many Diwalis have
you missed because of work. Fire them when you realize your life hasn’t
amounted to much. Have a firm hand shake, forget hugs. Regret the things you
didn’t do rather than the things you did.
Stay at home to save for holidays. Have weekend excursions to
revitalize; complain how tired you are in office after them. Look at old
pictures and sigh. Get a face lift to look like that again. Ask your brother in
law if his apartment building has 100% power backup. Worry about arriving
rather than travelling. Work till late to buy automatic washing machines and
dishwashers. Be glad about how much time they save. Place your
passions
on a fucking cricket team that never wins. Break your 55 inch LED when they
lose.
Work abroad to buy a house here. Wake up every day to pay EMIs.
Wait for your ship to come in, wait for a bigger one when it does. Laugh at
youth’s dreams; silently cry in the night because you had them too. Boast about
your car; get irritated when 200 BHPs cannot get you back in time for your
kid’s birthday. Buy expensive gifts for them; hate them when they don’t like
it. Blast them about drinking; take a valium to calm your nerves afterwards. Keep your lawyer’s number handy.
Look before you leap. Don’t keep all your eggs in one
basket. Laugh controllably, keep away from dance floors. Think about tomorrow’s
big presentation while making love. Don’t step out in the sun without wearing
sunscreen. Count calories to make sure you don’t go above 2500. Budget your
entertainment expenses. Listen to elder, respect them just for being born
earlier. See the weather report before planning a vacation. Take holiday packages;
remember to get your medicine box along. Don’t talk to strangers. Always carry
an umbrella.
Check email regularly, keep your status as Busy. Promise to
call later. Control your emotions. Reprimand your wife for crying just because
you insulted her in front of her friends. Set reminders for dental checkup. Get drunk to
forget than to remember. Wake up disillusioned. Wonder who the fuck you are on
Sunday mornings. Get high end gym subscriptions. Tell your son you are too
tired to play with him afterwards. Save
the appreciation mails, delete the birthday wishes. Drink your 18 year old
scotch alone. Don't marry the girl you
love.
Fight for corner offices. Include your designation in your
signature. Update your business card as soon as it changes. Follow the 7
habits. Get your kids self-help books as birthday presents. Plan your exit
strategy. Don’t sprint; try to go slow and steady. Laugh inwardly at your
classmates planning a trip just before exams. Look back and wonder why you
don’t have a single photo of college time. Be happy that you have 3 bedrooms
when you bring home your mistress. Of course you wouldn’t do it on your wife’s
bed. Try to justify it to yourself. Fail. Carry-on to boast about it
nevertheless.
Snap at the waiter at your 10th anniversary for
bringing the cake late. Honk and swear at red lights. Order in rather than go
out. Get ready to eat. Download the movies. See documentaries about Egypt. Make
a point to always get extra virgin olive oil. Drink diet cokes. See smiling as
a sign of being non-serious. Crib about your shit job as pillow talk; interrupt
it to make sure you have the 5:30 alarm. Get a pre-nuptial.
Watch your baby's first steps on video. Get mad at your wife
when you can't get it up. Take a house with a view. Put heavy curtains on the
windows. Snarl at your unambitious co-worker who gave the onsite opportunity
just because his wife was pregnant. Pay your fair share. Calculate other’s so
they pay theirs. Tell everyone every day that it's a race. Get angry when
someone asks where is the finish line. Lament you didn’t tell that girl in
college how you felt. Chase girls who are 25 to make up for it now.
Ignore the pun when somebody calls you the Schrodinger’s
cat. Move with the cheese. Blame the government. Watch debates on the TV. Wear
earphones. Roll up your windows. Invest in a retirement home. Get mad at your
daughter for not brushing after eating her birthday cake. Mention surfing the
net as your hobby. Track the stock market. Get repulsed by pets. Suffer
Insomnia on your 400 thread count bed linen. Don’t participate, Make fun from
the sidelines. Write MMHROTD on wishes. Don't
smell the earth. But save for the rainy day.
