Oh! Calcutta

I'm worried that this post can offend many Bengalis, especially from Calcutta (some might even feel my calling it Calcutta instead of Kolkata inappropriate) so I am gonna start with the things I like about Calcutta and then maybe move onto the things I am not so crazy about. So here I begin.

Things I like about Calcutta –

• At 5'8'' I am above average height here in Calcutta.
• Even at 10 o' clock in the morning I don't feel late in the office.
• You don't have to take a lot of Bathroom breaks here, as all the water out of your body is evaporated as sweat.
  
• The rush hour is over if you leave office by 7.
  
• Whenever on the road you have no chance of Car accidents, the people have made sure of this by using a strategic mix of narrow roads, lot of ambassadors and encroachments.
  
• Pedestrians have the first right on the road, the cars have to look first left and then right before driving on the road.
  
• Even after 10 years of completion I still proudly say that I live in a 'New' building in Calcutta.
• There is no problem in getting a seat in any restaurant on weekdays which doesn't sell 'Maach Bhaat'.
• There is always this hope that this some Bandh is going to get you a Holiday this month.
  
• After sitting and chatting whole day in office I still get to say to myself convincingly 'I work harder than most people of this city'.
  
• I get approached by Pimps and Pros right out at Park Street, no need to even go to Sonagachi.
  
• Taking a leak by the road side has never felt so dignified when others are doing worse things (Taking a bath or taking a dump) right there, in the Posh Areas of Calcutta.
  
• Driving a Accent still gives me that 'Ooh I have a big car' feeling here.
• Stepping out of the building every day I am treated to people fighting over price of fish and chickens getting their throats slashed right on the road, nothing else works better to drive out the last trace of sleep out of your head.
  
• And yes, I heard that during Puja it's very easy to get laid.
  

Now that I have put up all rosy things up front I don't think anybody would mind if I rant a little. Though there is hardly anything to dislike here except the horrendous traffic, the stench of fish everywhere, bad food and worse weather or the fact that there is rampant poverty and standard of living here is very low. But the city is very likable, though that is when you overlook the regressive mentality of people, their stubbornness to change and their falling back on culture and the accomplishments of a poet who has been dead now for 70 years and the other Bengalis who themselves do not stay here in Calcutta when it is pointed out that how far lagging behind they are from the other 3 metros. Like my friend pointed out that all the successful Calcuttans have become so outside Calcutta. Now I am sure that some people maybe boiling up after reading this, and they would like to remind me about me their Engineering Marvels, the Hoogli bridges or how Calcutta had Metro for past 20 years and how the English chose Calcutta as their capital as it was the most advanced city in India.

Anyways, jokes apart. That is all correct, Calcutta had the metro 20 years back but the fact that it has hardly added any new stations or facilities after that and just runs on one straight line through a small part of Calcutta speaks volumes about the city and its people. And yes the English did chose Calcutta as their capital as it was the most advanced city in India, WAS. Whatever the people of Calcutta are proud of, the Maidan or the Victoria Memorial were built by the British, the city just froze in time after that. To quote SRK from Swades "Jab bhi hum log muqable mae dabne lagte hai, hum log ek hee cheez ka aadhaar lete hai, sanskar aur parampara". Fine I agree that Delhi has no culture, but it is full of people who are taking risks and living life to the fullest instead of people who are 'Maroing Adda over endless cups of cheap tea and cigarettes discussing whether Argentina's team is better or Brazil's or debating politics endlessly and then voting the same party to power every time who is most responsible for their backwardness (in my humble opinion only) ; I also agree that Bombay is full of on-the-run, detached people but they are moving the weight of the nation on their shoulders, and not coming late to office because their biggest concern is finding good and fresh fish for their family in the morning. I will also be the first one to point out to you that Bangalore is full of Techno junkies who work as Cyber Coolies in IT/ITES companies for American or European countries and give the city hopeless traffic jams every day twice but there is something in them which are making all the IT companies flock to the city where here one Di has successfully driven out the only company which was foolish enough to invest in this state to make a 'cheap car'.

The thing which bugs me is not how people don't want to change and have this notion that whatever has been going on should go on but the fact is people here know that they are like this and defend it vehemently and vociferously. They scoff on people who want to change, who ask them to concentrate on work rather than forming unions and boycotting work every day, who ask them to build new buildings rather than just admiring the old ones, who asks them to replace burned out lights rather than just reading poetry about light, who asks them to show heroism rather than worship old war Heroes.

But then there are a lot of things I like about this city too, things you can't find anywhere else, first is of course the women, yeah I have a thing for Bengali women but this is not about that solely, the fact that they are so dynamic and outdoorsy here should be a inspiration to women everywhere in India. The polite people, somebody stepped over my shoes in a crowded Disc here, but instead of the shoulder shove that I had prepared myself for, after staying in Delhi for 2 years I got a 'Oh I am so sorry' and he meant it, never anywhere else in India. People go out of their way of to help people, our Zonal Service Head offered a ride to Dealer Sales Executive because he had slightly mentioned that he was not feeling well, my landlord religiously asks me to come to his club every week even though I have slept well past his coming back time for the last 5 Sundays. Then there is the music, after so long I could find a band playing live rock music here. And of course the number and the size of bookstores here, it always reminds me to read more. There is this one thing, a common thread, a part of the whole which everything shares in this city, which unites it. People here call it their city's culture, Vir Sanghvi called it its soul, I don't know what to call it, but I feel it and I like it. Calcutta has a lot of eating joints too, though I don't like the Bengali food and the joints which serve them, nor do I like the Biryani here or the sea food on offer, but still it's great to have so many choices. Good nightlife too, the bars are plenty and good too, though I was amazed to see properly formed Queue outside liquor shops, with no pushing and no commotion, nowhere else in India will you find this much decency. Even after the fact that Liqour is big taboo here while Smokers and Cigarette shops are plenty and people are cool about it too.

So there are a lot of things I like and lots of things I dislike, and as it is almost my policy, I do not judge. I do not judge a person; I am certainly not going to judge the city. I have my own reasons of liking the city and people might or might not agree with me and I have my reasons to dislike. To quote from Vir Sanghvi's article of Calcutta "

In Bombay, a man with a relatively low income will salt some of it away for the day when he gets a stock market tip. In Calcutta, a man with exactly the same income will not know the difference between a debenture and a dividend. But he will spend his money on the things that matter. Each morning, he will read at least two newspapers and develop sharply etched views on the state of the world. Each evening, there will be fresh (ideally, fresh-water or river) fish on his table. His children will be encouraged to learn to dance or sing. His family will appreciate the power of poetry. And for him, religion and culture will be in inextricably bound together."

Fine, just don't expect me to appreciate this. I have my own views about what a man should do with his life.

But then good or bad this city has many things inside it and it never ceases to amaze me, and at most time I can only utter this phrase which is the name of a painting, a play and a chain of restaurants – Oh! Calcutta!.

Black Out : Concluding Part

Robbie was pacing up and down in his room like husband whose wife has just got in labour. He was mad at Natasha, mad at Varun, mad at the whole world. “If I could just get out of this”, he thought. Why did Natasha have to open her mouth and tell that to Varun, when whatever he had said had worked out so beautifully. He was sure there were gonna be repercussions after what Natasha had told Varun he kept thinking. “If only that bitch could play along for some more time! But no, she was worried about her reputation, like she even had one, slut! “. Robbie burned up inside with these thoughts and his rage. He always had trouble controlling it and he knew it. In his anger and frustration he was about to throw the thing he had in his hand at that time, his phone.

But suddenly it beeped. It was Varun. His message made his head spin.

“I know wat u did that nite…. I rem everythin now no matter hw much u tried to hide it… I even knw where da body is”

The message made the world go vertigo around him. “Fuck fuck fuck, there was no way he could know where was it, he was not there, nobody was there, and I how did he remember everything suddenly, it that whore Natasha’s fault”. He had a million questions in his head.
He broke into sweat in his A.C. room, with trembling hands he messaged him back, he knew it was no use calling him back, his voice would give him away.

“What do you remember? And what body? I don’t know what you are talking about”

Varun’s reply came in seconds. “Meet me 2morrow morning @ a place I tell u n I will tell u what am I talking about.

Robbie panicked, he was sure now that Varun knew. “What did he want”, he thought, “money, or some favour, or something else?”

He knew what he had to do, he called Natasha immediately and asked her to meet him at the fateful place and drove off the house immediately. They both reached around 1 o’ clock and sent the servants back to sleep and asked them to not to come out no matter what happened.
Robbie could find that place very easily and he thought so could anybody else if someone was looking for it. He started digging immediately though he had no idea what he would do after that. Natasha kept saying something or the other continuously, which infuriated Robbie even more, he felt like hitting her with the shovel and burying her there. How could she say that he dragged her into this, it was her coke, her idea to have it in his car, her idea to take the girl along. It was really all her fault.

Robbie had to move her, this was the only clue anybody could have. He was going on at it when the stench hit him. He could see her. He almost felt sorry for her. But suddenly he saw a light in some distance, it was a cell phone’s light. Varun stepped out of the dark and said “Hello brother”

Natasha let out a shriek and Robbie almost fell backwards. Robbie started shouting at Natasha “See I told you he knew it, he knew!”.Natasha replied in quivering voice “But how? You said nobody saw you bury her, and he himself said he doesn’t remember anything”. “How did you know where?” they both let out almost in unison.

“I didn’t. At least till now. I just had a hunch. But I followed you two and you people led me here.”

“See I told you it was a TRICK! Jhuuth bol raha tha saala, kisi nae mujhe nahi dekha tha, I knew it. But but…. I had to be sure, I had to get the body out of here. I, I had to sure” His voice trailed off, he was having a hard time believing this was happening.

“Ya, that’s how the TRICK works” Varun replied. Natasha and Robbie both were stunned, at their own foolishness, by Varun’s intelligence, by the confidence in the college Geek’s voice and their shaking knees.

Natasha started crying, she fell on her knees and asked “But how did you know, you don’t remember anything at all of that night”

“I don’t” Varun shirked and sat down on the ground “And I never do after drinking that much, but I know that I won’t, so I took a few Mementos”

“What mementos? What are you talking about? We checked all your clothes and then threw them away, we checked your phone you haven’t told anything to anyone, we asked around the party if you spoke to anyone, I asked you even that If you have told anybody else than me. There was nothing, you had nothing, you hadn’t spoken to anyone and nobody knew. Then how did you get to KNOW ?”

Varun replied coolly, the shock he had received after deciphering his message to Sunny and putting two plus two together made him immune to anything else ”First you tell me your part and then I will tell mine. What happened to that girl? What did you people do?”

Robbie who was silent till now started speaking; he was sitting on the ground holding on the shovel between his legs like a lifeline.

“The party was in full swing” he began “But I was getting bored at around 2:30 I told Natasha her party was ‘bakwaas’ and I was leaving. She told me that the real surprise was not yet out, she had gotten some ‘pure Colombian cocaine’ through her US return cousin’s contacts. So I stayed, then she took me to one corner that she has it, but she didn’t want to shoot it here in her farm house, so I suggested to go shoot in my new Audi. Pas isne kaha kee she wanted to drive after that, I said no. She said she will give me something else to play with, she asked this Chinky girl who had come with that girl Priya if she wanted to get high, she said yes so she came along with us and then on the way … on the way”

Robbie stopped and looked up to Natasha who was brimming with anger. She shouted at him “Bol na tune aage kya kiya you sick animal!” She turned to Varun and started speaking, though she was not speaking to no one in particular. She started re living that time in her head.

She had the first line from the vanity mirror she had in her handbag and jumped on the steering wheel. “I wanna take out this baby for a spin” she exclaimed. Robbie asked her to go ahead, he had his hands full with the coke and the girl. Robbie stepped in the car with the other girl. She had come to her earlier in the party asking if she has anything stronger, this feels like a high school party, she wanted to get ‘high’. She had smiled at her and told her that she had some exclusive stuff and she will call her when its time. She whirled away in the car out of her farm house gates and wanted to hit the main road. Suddenly Robbie shouted from the back “Oye paagal ho gayi hai kya? Main road pe cops honge, yahan andar hee drive kar le, tab tak main yahan drive karta huun” Robbie focused his attention back on the girl and urged her to shoot one more line and started separating the white powder into two more lines from his dad’s platinum credit card. It was a wonderful drive, the rush, the euphoria, she felt she on the top of the world, why was she wasting her time here in Delhi drinking Vodka Orange and Cosmopolitans when she should have been in States having a wild time. She heard some commotion in the back, she looked in the back Robbie was on top of the petite girl and was trying to force himself on her, she was struggling. Natasha laughed “Don’t struggle Kudiye, It’ll all feel good in some time, enjoy the taste of Delhi when you are here”. She stepped on the pedal a little more to see what this baby can do, she had hit 120 easily, suddenly she heard the heard the rear door open and a scream, ‘Oh fuck” Robbie reached to catch her but it was too late, she hit the road at 120 Kilometers per hour trying to jump out of the car. They were already quite some distance ahead when they turned back, they saw a figure get up and walk back into a deserted part of her farm house crying for help.

They momentarily stopped on the spot where she had hit the ground, it was a lot of blood on the road, and she must have been bleeding a lot. But she walked in the farm house again, somebody might see her and might call the cops, they had to reach her before she reaches anybody. At this point Varun called in a drunken voice saying that he found a girl in the backside of her farm house all covered in blood and too incoherent to talk. She asked him to stay there and not to leave the girl and not to call anybody else. They parked the car and started running inside on foot when Varun called yet again on Robbie’s phone, apparently the girl told him what Robbie did or rather tried to do to her and he started abusing him, Robbie told him to stay there and said he was sorry he will come and take care of the girl, it was all an accident. They both knew that they were in this together, if the girl told the police about the cocaine, her driving drunk, her not helping her when she struggled she would be in as much trouble as Robbie.

They found Varun red eyed and too drunk to talk, he said he found her in the trees like this and she only gained consciousness once, he had called his friend Sunny first but he didn’t pick up, so being her place he had called her second, then the girl regained consciousness and told him what happened and he had called Robbie. They asked him not to worry, they were sorry, it was all an accident and Robbie will take the girl to a hospital while he should lie down as he was too drunk. Sunny called back saying that he didn’t pick up the first time, what was it, she said “nothing, Varun was busy” and hung up. She remembered Varun’s last line to her before passing out “Tell me exactly what happened to the girl tomorrow, she is Priya’s friend. But I won’t remember anything in the morning so you tell me” when she came out from recounting her thoughts. It all felt like she was just thinking aloud.

“So you put me to bed, took off my clothes which had the blood of the girl on them, checked my phone and deleted the message I had sent to Sunny. And told these stupid stories the next morning when I confirmed I don’t remember anything. Right?” Varun looked at both of their faces after saying this, they didn’t look up. ‘So what happened after that? The girl died due to blood loss. You Cleaned up your car and told Natasha to tell Priya that her friend went off with somebody during the party, told her a fake description of the guy and his car as well so even if she files an FIR it would not lead to you. And she will become one more missing girl. Am I right?

Robbie anger boiled over “Haan Einstein, yahi hua tha. Par wo mari nahi thee when you left her. I hit her on the head with this to make sure she was” Robbie started walking towards him menacingly with the shovel in his hand.

“Baith ja pehalwaan, mujhe bhi maarne se pehle, mere side kee kahani to sun le” Varun replied in a steel voice. “Sunny told me about your new Audi with the number 8055, I checked out the last dialed no again. ‘3555122278055’.Do you know what does ‘3555122278055’ become when typed in a message? DL 1C P 8055. That is the number of your car isn’t it? BOSS? Cool number, but the problem is that everybody remembers cool numbers, like Sunny did and that unfortunate girl who had to jump out of your car, apne aap ko bachaane ke liye. Then I thought could it be that message I had sent Sunny mean something more than just random numbers. So I typed them and played around with them until I could make something meaningful out of it. And that told me part of the story of what happened that night. Rest of it you people told me. It says in my message that I was not able to reach anyone else that night. And you people thought anyways it was a meaningless set of numbers so no harm done, but you deleted it from my ‘Sent Items’ anyways. Luckily for me I had SMSed somebody a number before and had forgotten to change the mode to text from numbers before I started typing this message. In my drunken condition and panic I didn’t realize and sent the message to Sunny who had no idea what it meant.

“So what do you want from us now? Tell me. How much money?” Natasha screamed,

“Bhaai tu ye Audi rakh le, jo hua bhul ja, kuch bhi karne se wo ladki to waapas aane se rahi , hai na?” Robbie said in a broken voice.

Varun felt disgusted. “I just want one thing from you both. Tell me, what was the name of that Girl?”

“Who cares!” Natasha shouted.

“I do. Priya cares. Her parents did. And a lot of people who are here care” He said as more people stepped out of the shadows.

” No no no …. Tune mujhe fasaya hai …. Main …. Maine ye sab…” Robbie cried.

“Chal koi na, bhaiyon ke beech mae ho jaata hai aisa, koi gal nahin. Daaru piyega?” Varun patted his back and walked off.

Black Out: Part 2

Varun replied in the affirmative and started getting ready. He was already ecstatic that they were having their first date in ‘The Geisha’, a trendy South Delhi Restaurant and Lounge. He had dreamt of taking Priya to that place, but if she did not have the eye for great guys, like Natasha, it really was her fault. He told himself that he was not gonna drink anything , because he wanted to remember their rendezvous tonight. He already thought of a plan to tell his parents how he was going to fill up a form online of an university at Sunny’s house as the University was in US, the time to fill it was also according to US time zone. It was a lame excuse but he knew it could work, because it involved admission into a University.

He called Sunny to tell him of his excuse at home but he was more ecstatic to tell him his last night sexcapades! Sunny picked up,

"Haan bhai, kya kar diya tune aisa jo hum log 3 saal mae nahi kar paye?”

Varun then went on to tell whatever Robbie had told him.

“Oye hoye , Kamaal kar ditta … Panty faad ke rumaal .. Haan beta tabhi dekhu, pehle tera phone aaya raat ko, tab main phone utha nahi paya, maine call back kiya to Natasha nae uthaya, boli tu busy hai. Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aaya, tujhe dhunda to dekha kee Natasha tujhe kheech ke kahi le ja rahi hai. Ab samajh mae aaya kee baat kya thee!”

They chit chatted for some more time, sunny asked for more explicit details but Varun skirted the issue saying that he wasn’t the type of guy who would kiss and tell. Sunny hung up saying he would come back tomorrow and meet up with him.

Varun dressed up his best and reached The Geisha at 9.30, trying to be fashionably late. As he was about to make his stylish entry he was obstructed by a black mountain, he looked up to realize it was the bouncer who mumbled “Entry by invitation only”. He asked to him to look up Varun Sharma in Natasha’s guest list but he said there was no Varun Sharma in anybody’s guest list. Frustrated he decided to call Natasha and explained it to her that he was stuck outside. She said she was coming out. “How sweet”, he thought, “she was coming out to take me arm in arm. Natasha is definitely the better choice.”

She came out dressed in some serious designer wear, even her shoes looked like more expensive than his entire family fortune. He said ’Hi’ in his well rehearsed ‘smooth latin lover style’. “Ya tell me quickly what you wanted to know about last night. I think you don’t remember anything you did last night.” She said very curtly. This was not the reaction Varun was expecting.

“Ummm…. Ya I don’t… I was a little high… What exactly happened last night? Can we go in and talk?”

“No, I have friends and cousins from abroad waiting for me inside. And especially after how you behaved in my party last night, you should be thankful I am letting you inside 10 feet of me! Now hurry up, ask what you wanna ask.”

“Huh? What … What did I do last night?”

“Oh you forgot? How convenient? Well let me jog your memory. You got very drunk on the free booze, then you started harassing the girls out there, you even tried to hug some girl from behind, you became such a big nuisance that I had to literally pull you from the party. And if that wasn’t enough, you puked, on yourself. Oh god how disgusting it was! I had to call Robbie to get you out of your clothes and put you on bed in one of my rooms. You ruined the whole night for me!”

“But I… I am sorry but I don’t remember… Oh shit … Look I am so sorry …. I was sad about something and I had drunk a lot…”

“Well not my problem. Now that college is over, there is no need of showing me your face ever again”

“But Robbie told me something else last night and I … I don’t remember puking …”

“What did Robbie tell you? And of course you don’t remember, you don’t remember anything from last night”

“Well Robbie said that last night you and me … Like … You know … We … we got together … As in…”

“What? How could you even imagine something like that might happen? I would rather die than do something like that with you. Robbie told you this? That sick bastard!”

“But … But I had called you last night … And Robbie too last night, he said I asked him for a ... And you even left your Accord waiting for me to drop me home today morning. And I had this women’s perfume on me”

“Oh so it was you who happily took the ride in Accord, well that was for my Cousin Varun from The States who had also stayed back there in the night. He was stranded there for an hour and I almost fired my driver! And you tried to molest many girls out there, who knows where you got the perfume from?”

“But why did I call you and Robbie?”

“You didn’t, I did… When you puked on yourself I called Robbie to help me out from your cell. My phone was with him.”

“Oh … Look I am so sorry… I didn’t realize what was I doing last night.. I swear I don’t remember any of this… Shit… But why did Robbie say something like that? And do you recognize this no?” Varun showed her the weird number he had dialed the last that night.
Natasha took a glance at the number and said“ Nope, never seen it before. Who knows what were you trying to do last night? And about Robbie. He did that because he is a sick bastard! He thought playing this prank you would be funny! Now I have friends waiting for me inside, so if you could please .. Get lost!”

“And yes, if you remember anything at all from last night have the decency to call back immediately and apologize”

Varun felt like he fell from a ten storey building. Minutes ago he could not believe his good luck, now he was not able to believe his bad luck. Making a scene at the farewell party, getting that much drunk, trying to hug some girl, puking? His chances were over at this college, not only with Priya or Natasha but with every girl in the college and their friends. Ha had had black outs many times before but he had never done something like this before. Maybe it was because of Priya showing up with a date and he trying to enact ‘Dev D’ at the party with the Smirnoff bottle.

As much he wanted to deny this scenario he realized that this was far more plausible than him sleeping with Natasha especially after the way she behaved with him. Coming back from the ‘The Geisha’ he started to think that new scenario explains everything too, the calls, Sunny’s message, the waking up naked, , the women’s perfume, the stench and the supposed sweet behavior of Natasha towards him. When Sunny had seen him with Natasha he must have not realized that she was not trying to drag him to bed but instead dragging him away from other people in the party.

He was very embarrassed, but more than that he feared two things, first was facing Priya, no wonder she was not replying, she must have heard about him. And secondly telling Sunny that whatever he told him was a prank played on him by Robbie, he hated that asshole even more now. He couldn’t sleep the whole night trying to remember what had happened last night and what was this number he had dialed, he had dialed it again and it had come up that this number did not exist.

The next day Sunny came at his house at 2 o’ clock. He was still in bed, he had told his mom he was sick, which he actually felt at the moment. Sunny came in and jumped on the bed.

“Abey abhi tak bed mae hee hai? Aisa kya kiya Natasha baby ke saath kee abhi tak thaka hua hee hai? Ya fir kal raat fir ‘ding dong’?”

“Tabiyat theek nahi lag rahi ha yaar, aur Natasha koi meri baby waby nahi hai”

“Abey kya hua? Do hee din mae takraar, ye kaisa pyaar?”

“Arey usi ke baare mae main terese baat karna chahta tha, jaisa maine tujhe kal bataya tha raat ko waisa kuch nahi hua…. Robbie saale nae mujhe Chutiya banaya tha… Saala kal raat ko bahut bura hua tere bhaai ke saath ….

Then he went on to explain ‘the real story’ what Natasha had told him. Sunny fell off the bed laughing, after laughing at him for what seemed like an eternity he said,

“Ab samajh mae aaya kee Natasha tujhe kahan le ja rahi thee, aur usne ye kyun bola kee tu busy hai. Tu Ulti karne mae busy tha ! Ha ha ha ha…” Sunny started laughing again when he realized that Varun wasn’t thinking it was funny.

“Chal bhul ja kaake jo hua, waise bhi tujhe un logo se ab kaunsa milna hai. Aage kee soch”

"Arey yaar yaad to mujhe waise bhi kuch nahi hai, par yaar mujhe kuch cheezen samajh mae nahi aa rahi, ye number dekh aur bata kee kya ye tere samajh mae aata hai kya?” Varun showed him the number.

Sunny shook his head and said “Nahi to, na to ye number landline ka hai na hee mobile ka, apni tharak mae kisi sex line ko to nahi mila diya tha tune? Aur saale aisa hee ek message tune mujhe bhi bheja tha kal raat ko”

Sunny showed him the message sent to him on the farewell night. It was a random string of numbers.
‘77766622444330…….’

Varun couldn’t make out the head or tail of the number string, after staring at it for 5 minutes he gave up and said “Pata nahi bhenchod raat ko nashe mae maine kya kya kara yaar”

Sunny’s face hardened and he said in a serious tone “Yaar tujhe daaru peeke kuch yaad nai rehta ye mujhe pata hai, lekin tune kabhi aisa kuch nahi kiya ye bhi mujhe pata hai, pata nahi parson raat ko tujhe kya hua. Mereko lagta hai ye sab kaam kharab Priya ke us bande ke saath aane ke kaaran hua tha, main tereko kaha bhi tha kee ho sakta hai wo uske saath jo dusri chinky bandi thee ho sakta hai uska boyfriend ho, lekin tu mana nahi. Bekaar mae mood kharab karke daaru peene laga tha itni. Tereko yaad hai parson tu pura ek Smirnoff ka quarter neat pee gaya tha direct botal se?”

Varun faintly remembered that. Anyways he was in no mood to analyze what all he had done last to last night. He just wanted to move on and look towards things in the future. He discussed some other things with Sunny for a few hours and then Sunny got up to leave, as he was leaving he suddenly turned back and said

“Yaar waise to maine hee kaha tha kee parson ke baare mae baat nahi karenge lekin tune kaha kee Robbie aaya tere kapde utarne aur tujhe sulaane ke liye, par wo to party se nikal gaya tha raat ko dhaai - teen baje. In his new Audi Q7 ‘BOSS’”

“Boss? Ye kaunsa model hai Audi Q7 ka?”

“Abey model nahi, gaadi ka number tha – 8055, ‘BOSS’. Kya sexy gaadi thee yaar, itni sexy kee uske saath jo sexy bandi thee main to uski shakal tak nahi dekhi”

“Sexy bandiyon shakal to tu waise bhi kabhi nahi dekhta hai”

Both started laughing after this and Sunny left.

Varun much relieved after talking to Sunny and tried to forget the farewell night’s incident. But the last lines Sunny had said got stuck in his head. “8055, Where have I seen this number recently” he kept on thinking. Then suddenly it flashed to him - ‘8055’ these were the last 4 digits of the number he had dialed ’3555122278055’!

to be continued ....

Black Out: Part 1

“Aahhhh…. Oh fuck!”

It took a few minutes for the world to come into focus, it still felt like a TV Channel with a bad reception. But Varun wasn’t in his room, and this was not his bed. Where am I, he thought? All wooden interior, expensive furniture, nice bedspreads; this is certainly not a place where he had woken up before. And his head hurt like anything, actually the whole body hurt, and he was thirsty! He needed to drink water.

“Holy Crap!” He exclaimed.

Why am I sleeping naked here on this bed? And where the fuck are my clothes? Whose bed is it anyway and how it I get here. “What happened last night?” All these thoughts rapidly came into his head one after the other.“Oh no, not one of those black outs again, I really shouldn’t have drank that much last night. I was in my senses only last night, at least till Priya showed up. Oh damn, Priya! What happened with her last night? I need to find some clothes right now though. Where are my clothes, can’t find them anywhere? Oh, somebody has kept clean clothes for me out on the side table, wow, nice. So what exactly did happen last night?” He thought again.

There was one way to get some clue. He checked his phone.

Last Dialed #1 – 3555122278055. Whose no is this? And why was I calling it at 3:47 in the night?
Last Dialed #2 – Robbie. Why the hell had I called that Ass?
Last Dialed #3 – Natasha. Why did I call her at 3:23 AM? Even in the day time she never replied to my Hi.
Last Dialed #4 – Sunny.
Last Dialed #5 – Priya. Oh fuck! Please don’t tell me I drunk called her again. Now that she had at least started talking to me again. Our fire had been rekindled. Please god, no!

All the other calls he remembered making.

Received Call #1 – Sunny. He called me back around 3.35 in the night. Maybe he knows something.

He realized he had to get out of there fast. His mom dad will kill him for returning this late. “Oh this is Natasha’s farm house”, he realized as soon as he stepped out of the room, the place where she threw the farewell party for their batch. The whole batch was invited, and she had flown in some hot shot DJ from Mumbai. The place looked much different in the day light, serene, mundane and harmless. It had lost all its enigma of last night. But this place his huge, he thought, you could bury a body here and nobody would know. He looked around to find someone but there was no one; he remembered the huge army of servants who normally take care of this farmhouse were let off yesterday so they couldn’t report back anything back to Natasha’s parents. As he tried to find his way out he saw one guy in a white uniform standing near a Honda Accord, he was obviously a driver, Varun thought of asking him.

“Uhhhh … Bhaiya yahan se waapas Delhi kaise ja sakte hai?
“Aap Varun Saab ho kya?”
“Haan Kyun?”
“Didi nae bola tha kee aapko ghar ‘back drop’ karna hai, main aapka hee wait kar raha tha kaafi daer se, baithiye”
“Didi … Mere Matlab Natasha nae aapko mereko ghar drop karne ke liye yahan roka hai?”
Haan Saab… Kyun, unhone aapko ‘in from’ nahi kiya tha kya?
“Nahi nahi, kiya tha kiya tha…. ‘in from’ kiya tha mujhe.main bas aise hee puuch raha tha”

Sitting in the Accord he realized that something really weird had happened last night, Natasha never ever even offered him a lift all through the 3 years of college, now she kept a car exclusively for him to get back home, she gave a room to sleep, there were clothes kept neatly folded near his bed side. There has to be some reason behind this VIP treatment, if he could remember only remember last night. The more he tried to think the more his head hurt, he realized it was no use. It was best to ask others. He first decided to message Sunny.

“hey bro wht hppnd last night…. I cant rem a thing…. u clld me arnd 3 in da nite”
“uth gaya kaake? Utri kuch raat kee teri? Beta kal bahut pee li thee tune, aur kaand bhi tune bada hee kiya hai”
“abey kya hua kal rat ko… saaf saaf bata”
“wo tu to priya aur teri baby Natasha se hee puch lena. I am driving dwn to my Pind in my new dzire. C u”

Shit, he thought, this even confused me further instead of solving anything. I think
I need to ask the other 3 people I had called last night.

He messaged Priya first, with a pounding heart. “hey.. how r u … listen I had called u last nite, but I couldn’t hear u properly…. could u tell me again what had u said…. Thanx…”. What had I said to her last night that Sunny told me forget about her, he pondered over?

The driver dropped him back home and it had been already 13 minutes since the message was delivered to Priya and still no reply …. Maybe she was too pissed at him to even reply. He hesitatingly decided to message the other two people he had called last night, Natasha and Robbie.

He sent the first one to Natasha “hey thanx for the ride.. could u plz tell me y I had cld u lst nite… I cant rememeber stuff abt lst nite vry well”. And second one to

Robbie “Hey bro … I saw tht I had cld u lst nite… I was high and I don’t rem what I had said or what happened last night… Could u help me out …” With that he left the hope of finding out what happened last night and thought about how to explain to his parents why he was back home so late and why was he wearing someone else’s clothes.
After being blasted by his mom and threatened with never to be let out of the house again and a million other restrictions he suddenly blurted out he needed a ‘Nimbu Pani’ as he was feeling nauseous, his mom immediately darted into the kitchen grumbling. Moms, he thought, no matter how tough they act with you they can never see their kid in any discomfort. After drinking two glasses of 'Nimbu Pani’ he went into the bathroom to shower. He realized that he smelt funny, there was this faint smell of women’s perfume on him, and he could make out that it wasn’t Priya’s, he had spent the entire college sitting behind her and just filling up his lungs with her scent. But he had this stench on him too. “Whose perfume is this? What the fuck happened last night? I don’t remember puking at least”, he thought to himself again, but now he was having bittersweet feelings about last night, ok he wasn’t with Priya last night but he was at least with some girl.

As he stepped out of the bathroom he saw 2 messages waiting for him. First one was Robbie’s.
“You don’t remember ANYTHING at all from last night? Not even calling then meeting me and talking to me?”
“Nope… Srry bro…. what exactly did I say 2 u …. m srry if I said somethin untoward … “ He decided to add the last line remembering how huge Robbie was and how much he hated his guts.
Second was Natasha. She had asked the exact same thing.
“You don’t rem anything from last night Hun? Not even calling me and what happened?
“Ya … Bt only faintly … I was a lil high… Bein farewell n all… Cud v meet sumwhere 2day..”. He decided to lie after remembering that Sunny had called her ‘teri Natasha baby’. “What was that I did last night”, he asked himself again.

*Beep* *Beep*. Robbie’s reply came “Meet me in the SXB at 5 o’ clock”. SXB was this up market sports bar where rich kids like Robbie hung out, and where Middle Class kids like him always thought about going. Natasha had not replied yet, mentally exhausted and still hung over he decided to lie down again.

It was 4 o’ clock when he got up again, he changed and headed to SXB to meet Robbie and get some answers. Robbie was this 6’2’’ built like a bull Sardar from a village near Ludhiana, whose family owned acres of land and numerous mills and sent all the money here to Robbie to buy Mercs, Johhnie Walker Black Labels and enough gifts for any girl he fancied to date. His real name was Sarabhjeet Singh or something, but everyone called him Robbie, especially after he had cut his hair and died his French beard blonde.

He found Robbie playing snooker and waved him, Robbie asked him to sit down and wait till he finished this frame, his tone was cautious, almost hostile. He looked around; the place was full of people like Robbie and smell of Black label and Chicken Tikka. He was only one not drinking and not wearing an Ed Hardy or Gucci t shirt. Robbie finished his frame and came fast, he was ruthless and surgical with his shots, looked like he had been playing snooker since he was 5. He shook hands and straight away started with the question “to tereko kal raat ka kuch bhi yaad nahi hai?”. Varun shook his head.

“Main tereko mila tha raat ko, tune mujhe phone karke pata nahi kya kya kaha tha!”.

Varun panicked” I’m sorry bhaai, main bahut piya hua tha raat ko, mujhe to yaad bhi nahi tujhe phone kara tha raat ko, mujhe to 2 baje ke baad kee koi memory hee nahi hai”
“Aur subah, subah utha tab kuch yaad nahi aaya?”
“Nahi bhaai, subah utha to dekha kee Natasha ke farm house mae ek room mae tha, kapde bhi nahi pehne hue the, baahar nikla to dekha kee Natasha nae Gaadi chod rakhi thee drop karne ke liye ghar, bas tabhi tum dono ka number last dialed mae dekha to message kiya”
“Bina kapdo ke? Sahi bol? Aur Natasha nae gaddi rakhi thee tere liye? Natasha nae kya bola?”
“Kuch nahi, usne bhi yahi pucha kee raat ka kuch yaad hai ya nahi, uske baad koi reply nahi aaya uska”
“Ha ha ha ha” Robbie gave a throaty laugh and patted him on the back, though his hand felt like a sledgehammer. “Chal koi na, bhaiyon ke beech mae ho jaata hai aisa, koi gal nahin. Daaru piyega?”

At some other time Varun would have given in the temptation of Black Label in a Swanky bar, but right now even the word whisky made him wanna throw up. He thought Robbie wasn’t all that bad a guy, he had misjudged him in college. He hesitatingly asked”Nahi thanks, wo ghar jaana hai abhi waapas, fir kabhi piyenge. Par maine kya kaha tha raat ko, aur mere kapde kahan gaye? Aur main Natasha ke room mae tha, aur usne meri liye gaadi bhi rakhi, meri itni acchi nahin hai us se, mereko kuch samajh mae nahi aa raha”
“Ha ha ha ha” Robbie gave an even booming laugh this time and said “Lo, college ke sabse top item kee le lee, aur yaad tak nahi tujhe. Beta Natasha ke saath soya tha tu kal raat ko, kapde to kya kitne logo to faad diya usne bistar mae. Par tereko like karti hai mujhe lagta hai, subah bhi tereko bhuli nahi.”
“Kya! Abey paagal ho…. I mean, nahi yaar, mujhe nahi lagta, usne 3 saal college mae kabhi baat tak nahi kari mujhse. Fir kal raat ko suddenly? Aur maine raat ko tujhe kyun phone kiya tha?”
“Condom maangne ke liye , tereko Natasha nae hee kaha hoga , usko maluum hai kee mere pe hamesha hote hai. Par kal raat ko sab khatam ho gaye the, to tu bhadak gaya, maa behan kee gaaliyan de dee mujhe! Aur rahi baat suddenly kee, to beta ye daaru cheez he aisi hai, isko pee ke saari Parvati Paris Hilton ban jaati hai, fir Natasha kee kya baat hai. Tereko hamesha like karti thee wo, tune kal raat ko kisi liye phone kara usko aur wo chali aayi. Kitne shot liye kal raat ko? Main to peene ke baad ek hee le pata huun.”

Varun’s face had gone red, part from embarrassment from Robbie’s vivid description, part excitement of sleeping with the most wanted chick in college and part fear that Priya had seen him with Natasha, now he stood no chance with her ever again. He swallowed and looked up to Robbie and said “Pata nahi bhaai, mujhe to kuch bhi yaad nahin hai. Accha main chalta huun, ghar pe bina bataye aaya tha, load aa jayega.”
Robbie got up and said” Chalo koi gal nahin, dono bhaai 2 - 2 peg piyenge kisi din saath baith ke, kuch yaad aaye kal raat kee kahani to mujhe usi waqt phone karna” .
Varun said ok and left. He thought so that explained, the calls, Sunny’s message, the waking up naked, the body pain, the women’s perfume and the sweet behavior of Natasha towards him. His hangover wasn’t any better, he had a headache again and high photosensitivity. He cursed the pharma companies to waste their time researching Cancer and AIDS drugs while there was no cure for a hangover yet. He still wondered about the random number he had called in the night and what was that stench on him. But he didn’t want to think any further, he liked the answers he had got. He could mentally picture Natasha ripping off his clothes in her room. Plus he had slept with Natasha, if that was possible then he was ready to believe in Santa Claus. It was already 7:30 when he got back home. He sneaked back in his room and messaged Sunny.

“Beta kal tere bhaai nae jo kaam kiya hai wo tum 3 saal sirf sochte reh gaye”

After a short while the phone beeped again. Smiling to himself he picked up the phone thinking it was Sunny. “Sunny and the guys are so gonna be jealous of me”, he thought, but it was Natasha.
“Meet me in ‘The Geisha’ at 9 o’ clock”.

{to be continued}

The river, the rock and the boat

It was another of those days when I sat by the river
Or maybe it wasn’t, life’s some clearer sliver.
For today I had no company,
Just my imagination and thought’s quiver.

Today none of my companions turned up,
Alone my thoughts began to gallop.
And I saw the river like I had never before,
Both as a frigid statue and a horse sans stirrup.

It is both fixed and in a way transitory,
So hard to give it a proper allegory.
It has been stuck here for ages,
And for ages it has flowed like a never ending story.

It has been shaped by the earth it flows through,
And it has shaped the earth it has flown in too.
Who controls what I cannot say,
Like our life and our action’s brew.

Does our life shape our actions?
Or is it the other way around?
Or maybe it’s the rock and river story
Each shaping other, both restrained and both unbound.

The real thing is never what you wanted to buy,
Part forged by your will’s hammer, part shaped by milieu’s die.
Even after years your efforts might seem futile,
But see the change in your curt life, bird’s eye.

As I wonder if my life is the rock or the river
I see a fishing boat in the middle quiver.
The brook trying to crush the mighty vessel
And the tiny boat asking something from its mighty giver.

And then all these three things I juxtapose,
And about them, think about a writing a prose.
The river, the rock and the boat,
All entwined eternally and everyone flows.