Saturday, April 3, 2010
The Great Indian Sale – 2
I think the most frightening thing is that our parents think that the most crucial decision they can make for us is to get us married well. Every decision, every yes, every no, every offer is leading up to this point. It’s like building up a resume, yes go to convent school; but no don’t go to another city,, you might have an affair marry someone of your choice and then repent; yes do the course in interior designing; yes do an MBA, but don’t think of becoming entrepreneur, study well, come first in class but become a teacher after that. For girls: yes learn Veena, but drums? Who wants a girl who pounds drums as a hobby? For guys: yes learn computers, but cookery classes? What is your wife going to do then?
The confusing thing for me that parents are ready to kill all our aspirations and dreams, to make us happy. I think it is basic human nature, people like to pin all the blame of their miseries in life to one bad decision. Why am I not earning much because I did B.Com when all my friends did B.Tech in IT, why my marriage in bad, because I worked till late. Why my son is spoilt? Because I let him go to Bangalore to study. Why my daughter is having an affair? Because I bought her a cell phone in 10th class. There are thousands of people who did the same thing and are doing better than you, but nobody wants to listen I guess.
Extrapolate this to marriage. I think parents attribute their life being good or bad upon whom did they marry. If they are happy they want their kids to exactly the same, if not, then the complete opposite. And the pressure to marry is insane. Marry marry marry!!
If this match is gone then what will happen? If you marry that girl then what will happen? The Jyotishi said that if you don’t marry this year then you won’t be able to marry for the next 3 years, then what will happen? Look at Anita aunty’s daughter, she is 28 and still not married, what if the same happens to you? I do not know what will happen but I am sure world will come to an end. Nobody ever died because he or she didn’t marry exactly when their parent asked them to. I fail to understand the urgency sometimes.
Though I like to think myself a Men Right Activist but in this case I think women got a raw deal. Not only are they asked to marry early (age wise) but they get the most restrictions put upon them. They need to be in the same city as their husband works, they will work or not depends on whether their husbands and in-laws will it or not. They need a clean character certificate, where the boys can get away with a lot of things.
But then the women are guilty of these things too. The most restrictive and the most demanding is the mother in law of the girl. And the mother before the marriage. If you think about it, there are no Mama’s girls, only Mama’s boys, but then there are plenty of daddy’s little girls. It is like womankind is taking revenge on the next generation women for the sins of the earlier generation, since prehistoric times. And whereas the men have been happy with hunting and sitting near the fire all this while.
I think enough of blaming the parents now. We don’t have our hands clean either.
The boys like their girl friends hot, wear short clothes, dresses up for them, giggles stupidly on their lame jokes. The least work the girl can do without them the more attractive they seem and the more they feel wanted. A girl who says she can’t cross the road or who gets afraid of the dark is actually a turn on for guys. Make all the jokes about dumb blondes. When it comes to getting guys, no smart brunette can ever beat them. But marriage is a whole different issue then. This is where the salwar kurta clad, 'sushil' girls get ahead. "She can knit, cook, was first in her class and never raises her eyes. Perfect! Let’s marry her!"
The girls on the other hand dig those bad biker types, who keep a stubble, have hair unkempt and grin like asses when they see them. Who get into fights when someone as little as looks at them, who break stuff, treat them like trash in evening and then apologize and threaten suicide in the night. Some might not believe me, but trust me, it works. But marry them?
"Ewwww… No way, my papa has seen guy for me, he lives in the US, owns two cars, and earns very well. So what if he is a bespectacled nerd who is losing hair? Who goes in for looks in her husband?"
As my friend just said today, society thrives on double standards. But maybe in my own distorted cynical way I am looking towards marriage in a wrong way, as a institution of love which got corrupted by society. Maybe marriage wasn’t that, ever, except in movies and romance novels. Maybe it was always about co-habitation and copulation. Just like in the animals. Whoever can best provide for my needs and especially to that of my kids will get to my husband. Everything else aside. Maybe that is what it is all about, providing, hedging your risk, going in for the known rather than the unknown, for the times tested than the uncertain. In short making the future secure in more ways than one.
Maybe the Great Indian Sale isn’t a sale at all. Maybe it is a race, a race for survival, a race for betterment of life; you feed and train your horse, find a good jockey, put all your money on it and **crack** down comes the whip!
P.S. – Pardon my cynicism, maybe I too got love to blame for it.