Tender is the night

I wish I there was this one grand love in everybody's life and everyone ended with their one, their soulmate, but alas it doesn't happen.

Love's labour been lost many a time. I left some, some left me, some didn't know I loved them, some never told me they did.

I almost wish it made me a stoic, astute, non believer but unfortunately i'm still a romantic a heart. And I can only wish for them that wherever they are, whether they will ever read this, whether they still like me or despise me they find love. The kind that lasts.

I have got nothing better to do than stay up and think about this. And act upon my Momentary lapse of reason. But I hope you are sleeping well my loves.

Tender is the night and fleetingly soothing is your strain,
But fly away o nightingale for this moon deserves your flame.
Heavy would be my heart and damp my eye for away you I send,
But for my soul I wish it saw one love reach its end.

Professional Talk

Warning: If you are a girl reading this you should stop right here. And in case you still want to read on further, FYI every guy you know, yes every guy talks like this so don’t judge us or be offended.

And it is not supposed to make any sense to the people who are not acquainted with these industries.

How bankers talk about a girl –

1st Banker : "Dekh kya mast case hai !!"

2nd Banker : "Case to mast hai bhai, pitch kar, may be client maan

jaye"

1st Banker : "Yaar bada high CIBIL score hai iska, kahi se to

iski limits chal rahi hogi"

2nd Banker : "To kya hua, take over kar le, nahi to multiple banking

mae karte hai"

3rd Banker : "Is case ki baat kar rahe ho, ye to already multiple

banking mai hai, maine bhi CAM dala tha last year par thuk gya tha"

3rd Banker :"Par suna hai multiple banking mai hai and dono banks

pari passu bhi share karte hai"

1st Banker : "Kya baat kar raha hai ? pari passu share karte hai ?"

2nd Banker : "Mai to subservient charge pe karne ko tayaar hun

case, client maane to"

2nd Banker :"Topline to dekh, kitni fadu hai"

1st Banker : "Saale meri to bottomline dekh ke hil gyi"

2nd Banker: “Bhaai bas ek baar balance sheet closely analyse karne ko mil jaaye, for to aisi pitch dunga kee client dauda chala aayega mere pass. Khud to kya apne doston ka bhi case leke chala aayega”

1st Banker: Ek baar client maan jaye fir to bottomline mae aisa cash insertion karunga kee bottomline double ho jayegi

2nd Banker – Main to topline mae insertion karunga, bottomline aise hee sudhar jayegi.

How IT people talk about a girl –

1st Guy - Woh dekh kya sahi project hai

2nd Guy - Haan kaafi bada project lagta hai

1st Guy - Haan par uska implementation ho chuka hai. Main to sirf uske support ke

liye try kar raha hoon...

2nd Guy - Bhai tu toh already ek project hai. Main bench pe hoon, mujhe try maarne

de.

1st Guy - Bhai saab, maine system down time daal daal ke uss project ke baare mein

research kiya hai.

2nd Guy - Toh dost kuch KT toh de.

1st Guy - Yaar uska implementation IBM mein hi ho gaya tha. Yahan support chal

raha hai 2 saal se...

2nd Guy - Yaar ye IBM se bahut sahi projects aate hain. Configuration toh error

free hota hi hai, servers bhi bade hote hain.

1st Guy - Sahi bola... Kaafi load le lete hain...

2nd Guy - Aur bata...

1st Guy - IBM mein medium sized project tha yeh... infy mein itne customizations

hue ki itna bada project ho gaya hai. Sab jaana chahte hai isme...

2nd Guy - Ye baat. Onsite opportunities kya hain...

1st Guy - Maine suna hai kee pehle 2-3 months offshore hee rehna padta hai. Uske baad performance pe aur client requirement pe depend karta hai kab onsite jaane ka mauka mile..

2nd Guy - Kitne log jaa chuke hain onsite..

1st Guy – Yaar ye to pata nahi

(third person arrives)

3rd Guy - Kiski baat kar rahe ho...

1st Guy - Yaar tu uss bade project ko jaanta hai??

3rd Guy – Abey usko kaun nahi jaanta. Main khus uss project mein kaam kar chuka

hoon.

2nd Guy - Har doosra aadmi yehi bolta hai. Proof kya hai??

3rd Guy - Yaar main uss project ke DL mae bhi hoon. Le outlook check kar le.

1st Guy & 2nd Guy - Oh behn di... kab kaam kiya tha tune uss project pe.

3rd Guy - Bhai 1 saal pehle tha... tab itna bada nahi tha project... par newly

implemented project pe kaam karne kaa bhi alag mazza hai.

- shuru shuru mein bahut bugs the... saalon ko nikaal nikaal ke thak gaya...

weekends pe baith baith ke regression test karta tha...

- 4 mahine baad mujhe onsite jaane ka indication mila.. Maine fatafat

multiple entry visa ka intezaam kar liya. Bhaiyon main onsite toh pehle bhi gaya hoon lekin is project ke toh mazze hi alag the...

2nd Guy - Yaar main kabhi onsite gaya hi nahi hoon... Hamesha bench pe hi marayi

hai... E-learning se hi kaam chalana padhta tha...

3rd Guy - Bhai phir toh tera iss project mein chance hi nahi hai. Iss project

mein ghussne ke liye prior project experience ke saath saath domain

expertise bhi zaroori hai.

1st Guy - Teri expertise kis cheez mein hai..

3rd Guy - Background jobs..

1st Guy - yaar woh toh execute karna mushkil hi hai...

3rd Guy – Haan main bhi isiliye seekh paaya kyunki mera pehla project bahut puraana tha aur usme background jobs ka hi kaam baaki tha...

2nd Guy – Paar aao to 1 saal se implementation project mae ho.

3rd Guy – Abey asli learning support mae hai, implementation mae nahi, wahan to puri zindagi ek kee project mae kat jaati hai. Support ka kaam badhiya hai. 3 – 4 mahine tak support karo fir chod do, aur gooda hai to ek time mae multiple projects support kar sakte ho

3rd Guy to 2nd Guy – Lekin tu bata, tu aaj tak bina project ke hai?? College wollege mae bhi nahi?

2nd Guy - Haan sir... Main U.P. TECH university ka mechanical engg hoon.. Wahan

toh aap jaante hi ho kitne ghatiya internal projects hote hai... Aur ab

yahan bpm waalon jaisi haalat ho gayi hai, project hi nahi milte...

1st Guy - Isiliye bolta tha chutiye bangalore mein engg kar.. Wahan badhiya

projects bhi hote hai aur exposure bhi bahut milta hai...

3rd Guy - Rehne de, tu toh hamesha buffer hi raha hai saare projects mein...

1st Guy - Bhai buffer mein rehne ka alag hi mazza hai.. Easy tickets hi assign

hote hai fatafat kaam karo aur ghar jao... Billable nahi hoon toh apni poori

aish chalti hai... Project mein billable hone ke matlab, time pe aao time pe

jao, aur buffer hone ka matlab khulla nahao khulla khao..

3rd Guy - Yaar woh toh hai

2nd to 3rd Guy – Accha sir lekin fir aap is project se release kaise hue?

3rd Guy - Iss project se release main apni hi galtiyon ki wajah

se hua tha.

2nd Guy - kya hua tha???

3rd Guy - Yaar main itna bore ho gaya tha.. Onsite bhi ek se hi tickets milte the,

main der se jaake jaldi swipe out kar deta tha. Finally mujhe kharab

performance ki wajah se 3 hafte offshore rakha aur phir project se release

kar diya. Ye hi nahi CRR 3 aur de diya, saala company mae aur projects tak milne ke waande ho

gaye the

2nd Guy – Kya ? CRR 3 aur release bhi ? Hahahahha, Aapka toh double ka meetha ho gaya!!!

3rd Guy – Bhai dusro ke phate mein taang mat ada. Kasam se 8 mahine tak e learning hi

karta raha. Saare course kar dale, reading wale, video waale, interactive

waale, animated waale.. 1 saal pehle hi ek ghatiya domestic project mila

hai, tu toh jaanta hi hai bangalore ke local projects kitne ghatiya hote

hai. Implementation ka wo bhi. Par maine fir bhi le liya, bench pe hone se to kuch bhi better hai.

2nd Guy – Haan sir, mujhe toh koi bhi project mil jaye, set ho lunga. Mujhe toh waise hi

project experience nahi hai. Coding, testing, debugging sab kar daalunga.. Abhi toh apni kismat apne hi haath mein hai..

How Automobile Salesman talk about a girl –

1st Guy – Boss ye kaunsa model aaya hai market mae?

2nd Guy – Naya model hai, BMW 352535. Abhi launch hua hai is market mae

1st Guy – Kya fender hai aur spoiler bhi ekdum sahi hai.

2nd Guy – Arey interior bhi utna hee sahi hai, batate hai andar pink upholstery hai, aur dials kee to baat hee mat kar

1st Guy – Naya model hai ekdum? Yaar jiski ek prerelease testing kari hogi to zindagi ban gayi hogi

2nd Guy – Sahi hai, testing track pe naya model daudane ka maza hee kuch aur hai.

1st Guy – Top end model lag raha hai ekdum, price kya hai iska?

2nd Guy – Abhi tak company ne price to release nahi kiya lekin suna hai kaafi high hai

1st Guy – Koi baat nahi, iske liye to koi bhi price zyada nahi hai. Market mae kya report hai?

2nd Guy – Abey mere ek dost ne iski test ride lee hai, ek hafte tak khada raha tha uska

1st Guy – Company ab bhi de rahi hai kya test ride?

2nd Guy – Haan de to rahi hai lekin saale ye koi Maruti 800 nahi hai kee ghuse showroom mae aur test ride le lee. Luxury car hai, sirf aukaat walo ko hee test ride milti hai

1st Guy – Luxury ke saath saath agar performance bhi ho to fir kya baat hai.

2nd Guy – Performance kee to baat mat kar, mera dost bata raha tha kee 0 – 100 in under 6 seconds, aur top speed pe to tu sambhal hee nahi sakta gaadi ko.

1st Guy – O teri Bhen dee! Safety bhi hai kee nahi koi gaadi mae.

2nd Guy – Factory fitted twin airbags hai, aur kya chahiye?

1st Guy – Yaar bonnet nahi khulwa sakte warna ek baar main iska engine dekhna chahta huun.

2nd Guy – Arey wo to mere dost nae dekha tha, bol raha the ekdum high quality german engine hai.

1st Guy – Kya baat hai! Aur maintenance?

2nd Guy – Ab yaar aisi gaadiyon ka maintenance to high hee hoti hai. Aur petrol bhi bahut peeti hai. Aur wo bhi sirf Speed, normal petrol daalne kee try mat karna isme?

1st Guy – Tu petrol ka load na le, ye samajh kee khud ha hee pump hai. Full tank karayenge aur khuub daudayenge.

2nd Guy – Aur haan cylinder ekdum tight hai, piston daalne se pehle engine oil khub hona chahiye, agar theek se lubriucation nahi hua to engine seize ho jayega

1st Guy – Bhenchod agar ye engine seize to to kahin ka nahi rahunga.

2nd Guy – Haan aur gaadi ka dhyan bhi rakhna padega, wash din mae kam se kam 2 baar.

1st Guy – Arey ye gaadi to main apne haath se wash karna pasand karunga. Kisi ka haath nahi lagane dunga

2nd Guy – Haan dhyan to rakhna padega, abhi mere ek dost nae aisi hee gaadi lee thee lekin chutiye nae driver rakh liya

1st Guy – Fir?

2nd Guy – Fir kya? Driver nae bahut daudayi gaadi aur fir 5 mahine jab suspension baith gaya to naukri chod ke kahi aur chala gaya

1st Guy – Kya 5 mahine mae hee suspension baith gaya?

2nd Guy – Rough handling karta hoga saala, aur fir ye Luxury car hai koi SUV nahi kee Ghaziabad kee sadkon pe dauda rahe ho 90 kee speed mae. Smooth road pe chalaoge to bhagegi smoothly ekdum

1st Guy – Bas bhaai bahut bol diya hai. Kitna bhi finance lena pade baahar se lekin ye gaadi to hona!

2nd Guy – Sahi hai bas jab baahar jaaye to mere pass chod dena kuch din chalane ke liye.

Post Credited to Amit Khanna, Akshat Govila and Myself in that order.

Comment to tell which one you liked the most

Dhobi Ghat

There are multiple reviews out there, most by professional who can do a better job than I can, so I’ll not get into the normal review mode and start with how Kiran Rao’s debut venture is a story of 5 characters, Munna, Shai, Arun, Yasmin and Mumbai. Or how she has captured the ethereal Mumbai and the strive by the characters for their lebensraum in the maximum city or something to that accord.

It’ll get its critical acclaim, a big opening it has already got, but I don’t think it will appeal much to the average viewer who gets satiated by movies like Dabanng and Robot. At this point I wish I could call this movie path breaking or a masterpiece or anything of that sort but I can’t.

It’s like the black & white photographs in the movie by Jyotika Jain which just exist. So is the movie and the three characters, the movie can be a called a character study but doesn’t hold any narrative in the traditional sense. For me a movie is like a painting and book combined, while it must tell a story which is gripping it should also have a visual beauty. Visual Beauty doesn’t mean pretty landscapes or women getting out of sea in bikinis, it should have some art in what you are filming. I take movie watching seriously because I think the movie makers took their job seriously but through this movie my and other audiences mind wandered off many times. The metaphors and tributes in the film are many, some real some just imagined by the critics. I am afraid this might become a movie which many people will pretend to like because the critics are saying so, a set of emperor’s new clothes so to speak.

The movie captures many of Bombay’s famous landmarks and places which have become clichés now. It doesn’t seem captured by a neutral by stander but more by someone like Shai (Monica Dogra) who has come from America and like all tourists only wants to capture the poor, backward, worn down part of the city. Most of the action takes place around Mohd. Ali Road, Dhobi Ghat, some slum and other such parts. The other part of Mumbai has just been casually referenced. It could be fascinating for some people but for the average Indian (I included) have seen several such scenes in their life and the beauty of it, if any, is lost to them. They can’t relate to the fascination or curiosity towards it by Kiran Rao.

But still the movie has its moments, for me the most endearing is the part played Yasmin (Kirti Malhotra), the lonely new bride who only talks to the audience through the video tapes played by Arun (Aamir Khan), she is excited and fascinated by moving in the big city but also longs for her family and her past. She keeps a brave face till the very end when she realizes that her husband is having an affair and commits suicide. The scene where Arun realizes that what had happened to this house and runs out scared is the really the most memorable one.

Shai plays the part of NRI staying in the US and back to India on a Sabbatical to capture Bombay on her digital camera. A luxury only the rich Americans can afford. And she plays the role of someone like that pretty well. Obsessed by the reclusive painter Arun, fascinated by old part of the city, the washerboy, wants to capture his daily routine like delivering clothes on film. As much as she offers the Dhobi tea at her house and gives the better mug to him she still doesn’t think of him as her equal. Like anybody like her will do in real life. So she says hi to him when in the multiplex but hides from him while buying drugs, he takes her around to his part of the town but she never takes him to her part of town, her world.

Munna wants to be what film makers think that every guy in Bombay with half decent looks wants to be, an Actor, that if doesn’t want to be a gangster first. And while he falls for her he keeps his sanity and doesn’t tell her that, because he knows that ‘they’ are never gonna happen. I don’t think you would have seen this movie of Manoj Bajpai called ‘Dil pe mat le yaar’. Manoj Bajpai plays a mechanic who is very honest in his job and a little too naïve for his own good. Tabu plays a journalist who does a story on him and thinks of him exactly like that, subject matter of a story. He on the other hand misreads the whole thing and arrives drunk to her house to profess his love to her. Of course he is turned down and Tabu utters the line “Men. You get friendly to them and they think all you want is to sleep with them”. Quite parallel to this scenario.

All the actors have played or rather under played their roles quite well and the background score by Gustavo Santaolalla's is quite good too. Aamir Khan tries hard not to misfit in the role of a painter which is reminiscent of his last role as a painter from ‘Taare Zameen Pe’ but he does spoil the look of Indie film sometimes. All in all I think I will watch the movie again to see something which I might have missed the first time but I would still say if you that if you want to see the real Mumbai go take a walk in the city. Probably you will find out more about the city in those 95 minutes. There are better movies out there who talk of alienation, love and longing in Bombay.

Waah, Double ka meetha

A lot many things came out of the last year, my first (legally earned) pay included. Whatever illegal stuff I have done is a matter of another post, for now I will keep it short and sweet.

This is about the words which ran for the ‘word of the year’ and the first prize goes to –

1. Waah –The universal word to show surprise, anger, appreciation, sarcasm, enquiry and ridicule. And could be uttered with or without voice modulation. It can mean Bravo, Right, Really?, Very good to lot of other things, the possibilities are practically limitless. Though the original inventor and the source of the word was Mr. Karan Madhogaria but it was two great roommates of his Akshat and Yours truly who caught and really ran with it, thus making the word legendary. Mayank Sharma tried to imitate ‘Waah’ but him being himself could not imitate and thus gave birth to the ‘Waah (Without voice modulation)’.

So now if you hear it from us or read it on FB then you would know what it is.

2. Double ka meetha –Though ‘Waah’ got the first prize, this was the most innovative word of the year and it came out nearly towards the very end. This phrase taken from a type of Hyderabadi Dessert (made of bread = DOUBLE roti, milk and ghee) came out to mean something which had no words for it till now.

It was when a guy (not me) got BPM in Chennai in the allocations in Infy, the least desired stream in the least desired location that Akshat uttered this phrase –“Yaar iska to double ka meetha ho gaya”

From then the phrase caught on between the three of us (I, Vipul and Akshat) and now I am trying to spread the innovation. I have even uploaded it on Urban Dictionary. The phrase describes getting a double serving of bad luck or one disaster right after another.

Example : Guy 1 –Yaar ladki milne bhi nahi aayi aur ate hue gaadi ka tyre bhi puncture ho gaya
Guy 2 –Ha ha ha ha …. Abey tera to double ka meetha ho gaya ….

So now you know. More later. Adios