Saturday, June 18, 2011

Pity Us Men - 2

“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife,
and have eaten of the tree about which I commanded you, You shall not eat of it",
cursed is the ground because of you;
in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
and you shall eat the plants of the field.
By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread until you return to the ground.”

These are first words of god to Man when he banished him from Eden and forever damned him and guess what they start with? ‘Because you have listened to your wife’. Like all the troubles in the world the one in paradise also started because of a woman. It’s a conspiracy of biblical proportions and thousands of years into it we have just started scratching the surface. Devil is considered the greatest trickster and the biggest trick he could play to convince the world he didn’t exist. Well the master trickster is someone else who hid in plain sight and never let the man know what she played on him.

By now you should have guessed who I mean. Yes the woman, the female of the species the one who made a pact with the talking snake and got us (men) out of heaven and onto earth and built it brick by brick against us. If this startles you, you are one of them too, who didn’t see how the whole world is designed against men. Here is but a short glimpse of it –

  • All the things I like are either outlawed, termed immoral or too disgusting like Porn, Booze, Mindless shooting and Girls wrestling each other in mud while romance, flowers and chocolates gondola rides in moonlight are termed as refinement and high culture.
  • There are no designated compartments for me in trains, no seats exclusively for me, nothing in terms of reservation.
  • In all my 26 years of my life I never been groped, felt up or even whistled at in public. This is very damaging for my self-worth.
  • I have to go through the mental torture of rehearsing 500 times what I am going to say to the pretty girl to even have a remote chance of starting something with her, she can just smile from a distance.
  • Arriving naked in the room is never going to pick my girlfriend’s bad mood.
  • I don’t get to say “nothing” while the girl pleads for thousandth time what’s wrong.
  • My life’s ambition could never be to dress up, do an interior designing course, get married and live a life of luxury and tranquility.
  • Batting my eyelids never got any work done, ever.
  • I am always the stag and never the crowd in a disc.
  • If I slap a girl in public the best case scenario is everyone will term me women- beating – savage who should be locked up, instead of the whole mob joining in to beat her.
  • There are no men’s nights
  • I don’t think we even have an international men’s day.
  • My decision on what to wear for office always comes down to wearing a striped shirt or a solid
  • Crying doesn’t win all arguments.
  • Catching an oversexed man is considered a liability instead of a jackpot.
  • Being drunk out of my senses gets me thrown out of a bar instead of girls queuing up to take me home or wherever.
  • There will be no drive by companies to hire more men.
  • Getting in with my top button undone is gonna screw me in the interview instead.
  • I don’t get to say “it’s not my job” for paying the telephone bill.
  • Hugging others guys and giggling stupidly is never a turn on.
  • In fact being stupid is never a turn on.
  • I get punched by people who don’t like me instead of them not talking to me.
  • My friends will shoot me in the head if I spent the entire day looking for a jeans and came back with a pair of shoes.
  • Nobody fights among themselves to take me into their team.
  • I get no credit for knowing how to change a flat tire and to cook.
  • Saying I just want a casual relationship will not have girls falling all over themselves to court me
  •  I don’t remember what my girlfriend said 2 months ago, let alone successfully use it in a fight.
  • And she doesn’t have to remember the first time we shared the same food, first time my dog licked her, the first time she bought me a gift and first time I bought her a gift and on and on.
  • I get the answer as ‘Yes’ whenever I ask ‘Do I look fat in this?’
  • Nobody says you are looking fabulous and hot and what not every time I upload a pic on Facebook
  • And don’t even get me started on the likes and comments on random status updates!!\
  • When I call strangers I get the response as ‘how did you get this no?’ instead of ‘yes, how can I help you’
  • My boss tries to talk business even while I’m peeing. 
  • I wouldn’t be evacuated first if I was on the Titanic.
  • But worst of all it’s been a month and nobody has noticed my new shoes …. Aarghh…. 

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