Well keeping up with my Aspiration of being a novelist, let me tell you a story.
This story begins as they often do with a guy and a girl, but as I like my stories this doesn’t have a happy ending, or probably no ending.
There is a guy, let’s call him A and there is a girl let’s call her B. The names here are immaterial, and you probably would know a 100 such As and Bs.
Well begun is half done –
A and B have been going around for around 2 years now and are seemingly very much in love. But the thing is that A recently moved to a different city and a different college and it is now what they call a ‘Long distance relationship’. All is going good; they talk to each other every day on the phone and miss each other very much. They try to meet each other whenever they get to and it looks like ‘Happily ever after’ scenario for both of them.
Enter the third guy C here. C & B are classmates and have recently become good friends. B tells A about C that they have recently become good friends. A smiles and feels happy about B; he was never that nosy/jealous/possessive type. In fact he feels happy about B, thinking that good she has found a good friend, he was worried about B after he left thinking that she might be lonely.
Things continue normally between the two, just that there is an increased mention about C on the phone. A once in a while teases B about C. "I’m sure that there is something going on between you two" but all in good spirit, B always laughs it off.
Trouble in Paradise –
All bad things start as small. One phone call that B couldn’t pick because she was watching a movie with C. One engaged phone because B was talking to C all night, after all the poor guy had a bad fight with his girl friend. One rebuff by A when he was out drinking with his buddies because he couldn’t get to speak to B for an hour.
A increasingly starts to get worried and there are fights aplenty between them. It’s like both of them are looking for excuses to fight with each other. But both are very much in love and very much willing to patch up every time they fight. In fact both of them go out of there way now days to make each other happy. But A can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong somewhere and C is to be blamed for it.
A is back to his old city for a few days and tries to spend as much time as possible with B. But he realizes that things aren’t exactly the same like he left them, and B is busy a lot these days. One day he meets a few buddies of his which are classmates of B. After a few drinks they pull out worried looks on their faces, like they are about to announce somebody’s death. A asks
"What up Guys, why you people look so worried?"
"Nothing bro, but there is this thing we wanted to tell you"
"Ya tell me then"
Na... Never mind. It’s nothing "
"No no, tell me"
"Well.....You know about C, right? Well there is buzz around the campus that there is something going on between them, they are ALWAYS together."
A rubbishes the whole conversation and is in fact angry at his buddies for bringing this up.
But his worst fears are spelled out now. Confused he calls B and talks to her for an hour just to reassure him that this is the girl he fell in love with. Just when he is about to keep down the phone he says
"Hey I have heard about your friend C so much, when am I going to meet him?"
"Oh anytime, In fact he also wanted to meet you. I talk about you all the time in front of him."
He thinks and you talk about him all the time when you are with me.
"Listen why don’t you come to the CCD outside college tomorrow, I’ll meet you there, my class ends at 5. I’ll also bring C along"
"Cool, see you at 5 then."
"Bye"
"Bye. Love you"
"Love you too"
It’s 5 and A is before time and all dressed up waiting in CCD. He doesn’t want C to think that she goes around with a jerk. But actually he wants to assure himself that he is a good boy friend and B would never want to leave him.
It’s half an hour past and there is no sign of both of them. He calls B but her phone is switched off.
Then B enters.
"Hi..... I’m soooooo Sorry, Prof P’s class went on too late. And we have to keep our phones switched off in his class"
"It’s ok. Hey your friend was also supposed to come na?"
"He has a name. It’s C"
"Ha ha ha. Yes that’s what I meant. Where’s C?
"He is outside parking the bike"
"So where do we sit?"
"We’ll sit on the table. That’s our Adda, we always sit there"
Then a tall guy enters looking around. Dressed up in clothes that A never thought of wearing till he is 30.
B’s face lights up seeing him, she frantically waves at him and asks him to come sit. She introduces both of them to each other. A shakes C’s hand hard and looks him in the eye with the look probably saying -
"If you are fuckin’ with Tony Montana, you are fuckin’ with the best"
Then the Uncomfortable Silence. After 5 long minutes C says he will go the counter and order coffee and asks A what is he going to drink. He doesn’t need to ask B, they probably had 100 cups here. As soon as C stands A puts his arm around B, signalling ‘My Property’. C notices it with the corner of his eye but doesn’t react. B starts feeling uncomfortable and wiggles out of the embrace of the arm soon.
They have their coffee and for that half an hour C doesn’t speak anything apart from short whispers in B’s ear. And A begins to wonder what she saw in this guy. And how the hell does she talk him for hours on the phone; he doesn’t speak at all. After half an hour B announces that they have to leave, they have a major assignment the next day and she is going to C’s house to do it, as they are in the same group. A masks his irritation and says bye to both of them. ‘Hi’ and ‘Bye’ were probably the only two words C spoke to A. A wonders why had C wanted to meet him in the first place and why did he ever plan this meeting.
That night after 10 missed calls from A, B messages that she is very busy with the work. It’s already 10 and they haven’t done any work till now. They will be working whole night tonight.
This pisses off A. If they haven’t done any work till now what work were they doing till now. Angry messages fly off between them ending with A sending " U shud marry him i think...After all u luv him sooooo much"
And B breaking down in tears and sending "U are an asshole.... Dont ever tlk 2 me again"
So much for the super trip home. A goes back to his city and calls up and apologizes to B for acting like that. B also apologizes for not giving enough time to him while he was there. She also clarifies that nothing is going on between them; C actually has a girl friend. And she will stop talking to him if it bothers him. A says no need of that. He is sorry and he just hopes that she gives little more time to him. That’s all.
Beginning of the End –
But things have changed irrevocably. B hardly talks about C anymore. She says she is out 'with friends' whenever A asks what is she doing. She is watching movie 'with friends' or she is studying 'with her friends'. She never calls him when she is upset. Every time when A senses B is in a bad mood she says yes but she doesn’t want to talk about it, she just needs some time alone. Most of the conversations now hover around –
"So what else"
"Nothing, you tell me"
"Same here"
"So how’s college"
Ummm.... Ok"
"When are exams?"
"Next month"
"Hmmm... So what else...."
A repeatedly asks if something is wrong, if she is sad or something, is she is angry with him. All these questions are replied with
"No, nothing like that. Why do you ask?"
One day after finding B’s phone engaged for an hour A calls C and finds his phone engaged too. After getting through to her he asks whom was she talking to she replies my cousins had called from Australia.
A gets increasingly paranoid and one day decides to log into B’s email account. He always had the password but never bothered to use it till now. He snoops around in her account looking for mails from C or Chats with her. But there is no conversation with C, not one. A wonders if she has been deleting her chats because he is dead sure she used to chat with C.
Every time he wants to confront B about that he hesitates because she doesn’t want him to think he is possessive or jealous or anything. Plus there is nothing B can say that will put an end to A’s suspicion once and for all.
The End –
There is a long weekend coming up. A borrows money from his friends for a flight ticket to and fro from his city. He wants to surprise B. He flies off to his city without telling B.
He stands outside B’s college with a bouquet of flowers all ready to surprise her. He calls her but she is not picking up. After half an hour of frantic calling and standing the Sun he ditches the flowers and enters the college. He sees some friends of hers, after inquiring about her they tell her that they did see her in college in the morning but they think she left. One girls says she probably saw him leaving with C.
He calls C. He doesn’t answer either. He is surprised out of his wits. She said she had a test today, she said she was studying for it last night.
Worried he goes to her house. He asks her mom if she is home, because she isn’t in college. Her mom is unaware. Even she was thinking B was in college.
Now both of them are worried. Her mom calls tens of friends and none of them knows where she is.
It’s nearly dark and suddenly A’s phone rings. It’s B’s home no.
"Hello"
"It’s me"
"Where the hell have you been? I’ve been looking for you since morning. I went to your college...."
"Did you tell my mom I wasn’t in college?"
Yes. I was so worried about you. When I couldn’t find you in...."
"What! Do you know how much trouble I have gotten into because of you? Mom is screaming like anything. She told Dad. My cell has been taken. No pocket money from now. Dad is actually thinking to hire a driver to take me to college every day."
"Look I didn’t know. I had no other option. You were not picking up my call too."
"My phone was in my bag"
Bag? What was it doing in the bag? A cell phone is to be carried with you and supposed to be answered when I call."
"You call?"
"I mean when anybody calls. Why was C also not answering?"
"His phone was also in my bag"
"What? What were you two doing?"
"We went to the beach. Were we supposed to carry the phone in the water? I don’t know if your phone is waterproof but mine is not!"
"Beach! What beach? And didn’t you have a test today? You lied to me!"
"No I didn’t. We were supposed to have a test today but it got postponed. So C said lets go to the X, he always wanted to go there with me."
"What! I flew 2000 kms, borrowed money from 5 people, bunked college and came here to meet you and you were busy coochi-cooing with that bastard on the beach!
"Shut up! Keep him out of this!"
"Oh you are worried about him. You never even bothered to ask how am I here. What all did I have to go through this morning? How worried was I? What all thoughts did not come in my mind?"
"Oh I know what were your thoughts. That I’m having an affair with C, that I am sleeping around with him."
"Shut up. I never said that."
"Oh but you have thought about it"
"Shut the fuck up! And why the hell did you go alone with him? You didn’t tell any of your friends or me."
"I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want them teasing me with his name. I’ve had enough of this shit. Every other day you or your friends are teasing me with his name. I’m sick of it. That’s why I never talk to him or about him in front of anybody. And I don’t need to explain myself to anyone."
"I’m your boy friend god damn it! You need to explain yourself to me."
"I just went to an outing with my best friend. I don’t need to ask your permission for this. I never ask you anything"
"That’s right these days you never ask or tell me anything. We hardly talk these days."
"There’s nothing like that. You only used to say you are too busy and can’t talk to me 24/7"
"And I thought I was your best friend"
"You are, you both are my good friends. But I swear there is nothing going on between me and C."
"Good friends uh? Well let me say one last thing sweetheart. I don’t know if there is something going between you two but there is sure as hell nothing going on between us, not anymore. Good Night and Good Luck"
*click*
P.S. - This is not to show a wrong or right decision. Nor to Malign Guys or Gals, but to show a very common scenario. If you have bothered to read through 2430 words please also bother to comment. I really want this in this case.
Also check the notify follow up comments box when you post your comment.
P.P.S - Do you think B was cheating on A?
Do you think this is anybody's fault? If yes, whom
And lastly do you think anyone could have done anything to save the realtionship? If yes, what ?
This story begins as they often do with a guy and a girl, but as I like my stories this doesn’t have a happy ending, or probably no ending.
There is a guy, let’s call him A and there is a girl let’s call her B. The names here are immaterial, and you probably would know a 100 such As and Bs.
Well begun is half done –
A and B have been going around for around 2 years now and are seemingly very much in love. But the thing is that A recently moved to a different city and a different college and it is now what they call a ‘Long distance relationship’. All is going good; they talk to each other every day on the phone and miss each other very much. They try to meet each other whenever they get to and it looks like ‘Happily ever after’ scenario for both of them.
Enter the third guy C here. C & B are classmates and have recently become good friends. B tells A about C that they have recently become good friends. A smiles and feels happy about B; he was never that nosy/jealous/possessive type. In fact he feels happy about B, thinking that good she has found a good friend, he was worried about B after he left thinking that she might be lonely.
Things continue normally between the two, just that there is an increased mention about C on the phone. A once in a while teases B about C. "I’m sure that there is something going on between you two" but all in good spirit, B always laughs it off.
Trouble in Paradise –
All bad things start as small. One phone call that B couldn’t pick because she was watching a movie with C. One engaged phone because B was talking to C all night, after all the poor guy had a bad fight with his girl friend. One rebuff by A when he was out drinking with his buddies because he couldn’t get to speak to B for an hour.
A increasingly starts to get worried and there are fights aplenty between them. It’s like both of them are looking for excuses to fight with each other. But both are very much in love and very much willing to patch up every time they fight. In fact both of them go out of there way now days to make each other happy. But A can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong somewhere and C is to be blamed for it.
A is back to his old city for a few days and tries to spend as much time as possible with B. But he realizes that things aren’t exactly the same like he left them, and B is busy a lot these days. One day he meets a few buddies of his which are classmates of B. After a few drinks they pull out worried looks on their faces, like they are about to announce somebody’s death. A asks
"What up Guys, why you people look so worried?"
"Nothing bro, but there is this thing we wanted to tell you"
"Ya tell me then"
Na... Never mind. It’s nothing "
"No no, tell me"
"Well.....You know about C, right? Well there is buzz around the campus that there is something going on between them, they are ALWAYS together."
A rubbishes the whole conversation and is in fact angry at his buddies for bringing this up.
But his worst fears are spelled out now. Confused he calls B and talks to her for an hour just to reassure him that this is the girl he fell in love with. Just when he is about to keep down the phone he says
"Hey I have heard about your friend C so much, when am I going to meet him?"
"Oh anytime, In fact he also wanted to meet you. I talk about you all the time in front of him."
He thinks and you talk about him all the time when you are with me.
"Listen why don’t you come to the CCD outside college tomorrow, I’ll meet you there, my class ends at 5. I’ll also bring C along"
"Cool, see you at 5 then."
"Bye"
"Bye. Love you"
"Love you too"
It’s 5 and A is before time and all dressed up waiting in CCD. He doesn’t want C to think that she goes around with a jerk. But actually he wants to assure himself that he is a good boy friend and B would never want to leave him.
It’s half an hour past and there is no sign of both of them. He calls B but her phone is switched off.
Then B enters.
"Hi..... I’m soooooo Sorry, Prof P’s class went on too late. And we have to keep our phones switched off in his class"
"It’s ok. Hey your friend was also supposed to come na?"
"He has a name. It’s C"
"Ha ha ha. Yes that’s what I meant. Where’s C?
"He is outside parking the bike"
"So where do we sit?"
"We’ll sit on the table. That’s our Adda, we always sit there"
Then a tall guy enters looking around. Dressed up in clothes that A never thought of wearing till he is 30.
B’s face lights up seeing him, she frantically waves at him and asks him to come sit. She introduces both of them to each other. A shakes C’s hand hard and looks him in the eye with the look probably saying -
"If you are fuckin’ with Tony Montana, you are fuckin’ with the best"
Then the Uncomfortable Silence. After 5 long minutes C says he will go the counter and order coffee and asks A what is he going to drink. He doesn’t need to ask B, they probably had 100 cups here. As soon as C stands A puts his arm around B, signalling ‘My Property’. C notices it with the corner of his eye but doesn’t react. B starts feeling uncomfortable and wiggles out of the embrace of the arm soon.
They have their coffee and for that half an hour C doesn’t speak anything apart from short whispers in B’s ear. And A begins to wonder what she saw in this guy. And how the hell does she talk him for hours on the phone; he doesn’t speak at all. After half an hour B announces that they have to leave, they have a major assignment the next day and she is going to C’s house to do it, as they are in the same group. A masks his irritation and says bye to both of them. ‘Hi’ and ‘Bye’ were probably the only two words C spoke to A. A wonders why had C wanted to meet him in the first place and why did he ever plan this meeting.
That night after 10 missed calls from A, B messages that she is very busy with the work. It’s already 10 and they haven’t done any work till now. They will be working whole night tonight.
This pisses off A. If they haven’t done any work till now what work were they doing till now. Angry messages fly off between them ending with A sending " U shud marry him i think...After all u luv him sooooo much"
And B breaking down in tears and sending "U are an asshole.... Dont ever tlk 2 me again"
So much for the super trip home. A goes back to his city and calls up and apologizes to B for acting like that. B also apologizes for not giving enough time to him while he was there. She also clarifies that nothing is going on between them; C actually has a girl friend. And she will stop talking to him if it bothers him. A says no need of that. He is sorry and he just hopes that she gives little more time to him. That’s all.
Beginning of the End –
But things have changed irrevocably. B hardly talks about C anymore. She says she is out 'with friends' whenever A asks what is she doing. She is watching movie 'with friends' or she is studying 'with her friends'. She never calls him when she is upset. Every time when A senses B is in a bad mood she says yes but she doesn’t want to talk about it, she just needs some time alone. Most of the conversations now hover around –
"So what else"
"Nothing, you tell me"
"Same here"
"So how’s college"
Ummm.... Ok"
"When are exams?"
"Next month"
"Hmmm... So what else...."
A repeatedly asks if something is wrong, if she is sad or something, is she is angry with him. All these questions are replied with
"No, nothing like that. Why do you ask?"
One day after finding B’s phone engaged for an hour A calls C and finds his phone engaged too. After getting through to her he asks whom was she talking to she replies my cousins had called from Australia.
A gets increasingly paranoid and one day decides to log into B’s email account. He always had the password but never bothered to use it till now. He snoops around in her account looking for mails from C or Chats with her. But there is no conversation with C, not one. A wonders if she has been deleting her chats because he is dead sure she used to chat with C.
Every time he wants to confront B about that he hesitates because she doesn’t want him to think he is possessive or jealous or anything. Plus there is nothing B can say that will put an end to A’s suspicion once and for all.
The End –
There is a long weekend coming up. A borrows money from his friends for a flight ticket to and fro from his city. He wants to surprise B. He flies off to his city without telling B.
He stands outside B’s college with a bouquet of flowers all ready to surprise her. He calls her but she is not picking up. After half an hour of frantic calling and standing the Sun he ditches the flowers and enters the college. He sees some friends of hers, after inquiring about her they tell her that they did see her in college in the morning but they think she left. One girls says she probably saw him leaving with C.
He calls C. He doesn’t answer either. He is surprised out of his wits. She said she had a test today, she said she was studying for it last night.
Worried he goes to her house. He asks her mom if she is home, because she isn’t in college. Her mom is unaware. Even she was thinking B was in college.
Now both of them are worried. Her mom calls tens of friends and none of them knows where she is.
It’s nearly dark and suddenly A’s phone rings. It’s B’s home no.
"Hello"
"It’s me"
"Where the hell have you been? I’ve been looking for you since morning. I went to your college...."
"Did you tell my mom I wasn’t in college?"
Yes. I was so worried about you. When I couldn’t find you in...."
"What! Do you know how much trouble I have gotten into because of you? Mom is screaming like anything. She told Dad. My cell has been taken. No pocket money from now. Dad is actually thinking to hire a driver to take me to college every day."
"Look I didn’t know. I had no other option. You were not picking up my call too."
"My phone was in my bag"
Bag? What was it doing in the bag? A cell phone is to be carried with you and supposed to be answered when I call."
"You call?"
"I mean when anybody calls. Why was C also not answering?"
"His phone was also in my bag"
"What? What were you two doing?"
"We went to the beach. Were we supposed to carry the phone in the water? I don’t know if your phone is waterproof but mine is not!"
"Beach! What beach? And didn’t you have a test today? You lied to me!"
"No I didn’t. We were supposed to have a test today but it got postponed. So C said lets go to the X, he always wanted to go there with me."
"What! I flew 2000 kms, borrowed money from 5 people, bunked college and came here to meet you and you were busy coochi-cooing with that bastard on the beach!
"Shut up! Keep him out of this!"
"Oh you are worried about him. You never even bothered to ask how am I here. What all did I have to go through this morning? How worried was I? What all thoughts did not come in my mind?"
"Oh I know what were your thoughts. That I’m having an affair with C, that I am sleeping around with him."
"Shut up. I never said that."
"Oh but you have thought about it"
"Shut the fuck up! And why the hell did you go alone with him? You didn’t tell any of your friends or me."
"I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want them teasing me with his name. I’ve had enough of this shit. Every other day you or your friends are teasing me with his name. I’m sick of it. That’s why I never talk to him or about him in front of anybody. And I don’t need to explain myself to anyone."
"I’m your boy friend god damn it! You need to explain yourself to me."
"I just went to an outing with my best friend. I don’t need to ask your permission for this. I never ask you anything"
"That’s right these days you never ask or tell me anything. We hardly talk these days."
"There’s nothing like that. You only used to say you are too busy and can’t talk to me 24/7"
"And I thought I was your best friend"
"You are, you both are my good friends. But I swear there is nothing going on between me and C."
"Good friends uh? Well let me say one last thing sweetheart. I don’t know if there is something going between you two but there is sure as hell nothing going on between us, not anymore. Good Night and Good Luck"
*click*
P.S. - This is not to show a wrong or right decision. Nor to Malign Guys or Gals, but to show a very common scenario. If you have bothered to read through 2430 words please also bother to comment. I really want this in this case.
Also check the notify follow up comments box when you post your comment.
P.P.S - Do you think B was cheating on A?
Do you think this is anybody's fault? If yes, whom
And lastly do you think anyone could have done anything to save the realtionship? If yes, what ?
nice story dude...ending could have been better... but few incidents really have happened in some ones life till now...no going to reaveal that persons name though,,
ReplyDeletekeep going on,
cheers,
Anirudh P
A very touching story... I guess this is true.. Sometimes we dont understand what could be the consequences of the ahrsh words.. Someone is hurt or no.. People have different prioritizes ang different places in each others life.. and the fire of anger does not realise anything.. and you loose the one you have loved the most. just like i just did....
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletebhai is dis d fate of all long distance relnshps
ReplyDeleteOh this is a nearly a true story... Just I masked a few facts and names... It is actually the case with most relationships, long distance or otherwise...
ReplyDeletei feel sorry for both of them... thats what happens when you just start assuming things...
ReplyDeleteand then, "the end" is certain...
sad, but true..
i wish people in relationships were more patient and understanding..
How come nobody is blaming the guy or the girl ? I'm surprised... Anyways does anybody have an opinion that was she or was she not cheating on him ? And whose fault it is ?
ReplyDeleteOk, long comment coming up.. Please don't remove this.. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this. I cannot blame B for her irritation.
Here is the actual logic and philosophy of an LDR (long distance relationship):
a) You say that you really want to meet the other person but you definitely don't mean it.
b) Only one person is actually serious about the relationship.
c) You traveled 2000kms for me? Why? Who the hell told you I'd be available? Please don't do it. It is degrading and embarrassing!
d) Long conversations early on usually end up in just, "Hey what's up?", "Oh, I'm fine? You say?", "Oh great my side. What's up with you?"..... PuHLEEZ!
e) I am sure B was sick of A's indulgence. I am sure she was subconsciously cheating on him too, I don't blamer her (wasn't cheating but maybe started to develop something for C).
This is how I look at people involved in LDRs. "Oh so you're in an LDR. Well.. Since when? 6 months? And you show up to surprise him/her all the time? Well.. Kiss it goodbye, you just have 4 to 6 months left if you don't meet. If you do, then a month or two are enough to kill it!"
Personally I feel that they deserved this (both A and B) for letting their fantasy world mess with reality. It cannot be done and anyone trying deserves this hammer on the head.
Lastly, I am sorry A, but what you did is stupid. A relationship is about mind games and there is no place for tactlessness.
As I always say:
"The best way to hate someone is to have a relationship with him/her!"
@Akhil -
ReplyDeletea)Why would I remove it ? In fact i love long comments, much better than "nice post dude" :-)
b)Do u mean to say that all LDRs are meant to be doomed or all relationships are meant to be doomed ?
c)Why do u think B was sick of A's indulgence ? Popular belief is girls love such kind of surprises. Maybe the poor guy was trying very hard to save a dying relationship.
Well most haven't heard of or can't understand 'Emotional Cheating'. Here's a lowdown on that - (courtesy Wikipedia)
ReplyDeleteAn "emotional affair" is an affair, which excludes physical intimacy but includes emotional intimacy. It may also be called an affair of the heart. Where one partner is in a committed monogamous relationship, an emotional affair is a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation.
An emotional affair has the capacity to injure a committed relationship sometimes more than if it were a one night stand or about casual sex. There is a gender difference in perceptions of harm. Research has confirmed that 'men are especially bothered by evidence of their partner's sexual infidelity, whereas women are troubled more by evidence of emotional infidelity.'
Research by Glass & Wright found that men's extramarital relationships were more sexual and women's more emotional. For both genders, sexual and emotional extramarital involvement occurred in those with the greatest marital dissatisfaction.
Chaste and emotionally intimate affairs tend to be more common than sexually intimate affairs. Shirley Glass in her study, reported in 'Not Just Friends'44% of husbands and 57% of wives indicated that in their affair they had a strong emotional involvement to the other person without intercourse.'
ok.. so... the story is awesome... kinda fits in the real world.. n has happen 2 most of us.. who hav had a bad break up...
ReplyDeletei don think its neones fault here.. i wud say 45:55 B:A..y... read below..
A well u reacted like ne guy wud.. even though u said u were not jealous or nething.. u were actually...
an LDR is completly based on trust.. wch i think started 2 fade away for her.. cos.. u assumed tht something was wrong.. again ... u were insecure about B around C .. wch is normal.. i bet had thr been a girl D like C in A's life B wud hav had same reaction...
A successful LDR is based on trust .. blind trust to be precise..
some hints....>
1) never assume nething.. Assumptions are the major causes of all fuck ups...
2 ) a Guy n girl who spends a lot of time with each other can never remain frnds... thrs always a phase where they hav feelings for each other and they dont realise it...
3 ) never ever give a suprise.. its always better to confirm tht he/she is available .. make up a story like ur frnd is commin thr and ur sending gift for her.. and he is bz.. or something like that.. wch always works...
4 ) guys make sure u remain calm and sensible.. when in a LDR.. don get impatient or hyper or let ur empty mind wander around.. always think positive...never the worse.. n try avoiding ne confrontations when drunk and sad/angry.. always ruins it.. if u wanna talk then make sure u do tht in the morning when ur sober.. girls don generally like talkin 2 drunk guys.. PLEASE AVOID...
5 ) gurls.. look a guy is as loyal as a dog untill n unless compeled or drunk. they like 2 give u ur space.they like to know where u r.. n wat ur doing.. wch doesnt mean he is possessive or jealous or nething.. but cos he wants 2 know u better and know wat u like.. n wat u dont.. and also it shows he cares..if u have a bestfrnd who is a guy try 2 keep him out of the conversation when talking 2 ur bf... n also when ur talking to him try keeping ur bf out.. if u feel like talking bout it .. find a 3rd one.. or may be maintain a diary...
6) since in LDR its hard for ppl to meet. i wud suggest get a webcam and a mic... and talk to each other.. and see each other ... if u want both of u can lite up candles and hav a romatic evening.. using youtube n playing some romantic songs ... try 2 squeeze in a meeting whenever u hav holidays or a long weekend.. not necessary in the same town.. pic a common place .. like say A > in blore
B in del...
meeting place can b goa... or pondicherry or ne hill station ...this way thye can njoi each others company...never let the fire in a relationship run out.. if both of u are bz . then hav one day where from morning to night u guys talk.. n see each other.. no necesarry u need 2 speak 2 each other regularly...couple of smses.. thru the day. a good morning call n a good night call is sufficient..
well i think thr was nothing wch cud hav saved the relationship... in this case.. ending cud hav been better... had A not become insecure and jealous.. n B well shud have not yelled at him for giving him a suprise.. and paying a lil more attention to A... n known her priorities ...
Well gurls love suprises.. and wud hav been really happy had A din drop in at her place... n tld her mom.. wch pissed her off... n also.. trust me.. i hav spent 8 hours in a unknown city with almost no money and no fone.. so i know... they feeling.. but all u hav 2 do is stay calm.. and plan ur next move.. in my case.. findin a cheap place 2 stay and booking my return tickets...
please... ppl... in a relationshp.. LDR or Normal.. b honest... n don hide nething..be it feelings or thoughts.. or nething..
wow.. its as long as the story... but njoi....
Forgive me but I disagree with the concept of any LDRs no matter where and when they exist.
ReplyDeleteFact:
1) The only reason A went to surprise B was because he subconsciously or knowingly assumed something. He would never admit it but Mr. A, it's true!
2) Quoting an excerpt:
(quote)
"Did you tell my mom I wasn’t in college?"
Yes. I was so worried about you. When I couldn’t find you in...."
(unquote)
Who are you kidding A? You know you called because you had this crazy idea that B was in fact with C.
@Andy bhai
Yes, I mean that all relationships that happen at college are meant to be doomed, LDRs just happen to fall a lot harder!
Girls may like the surprises and stuff but imagine being a girl in an LDR with a guy who's VELLA enough to travel 2000kms and stupid enough to borrow money from friends. Girls look for sensibility and stability. NOT immaturity and instability.
It isn't A's fault. He's just another emo guy. And decent too. These are his weaknesses not strengths. The guy is absolutely tactless and blunt. WOuld you date a guy (if you're agirl) who's tactless, blunt, stupid and bhaari emo?
Here is another angle. The supply demand angle..
If you were B (being a guy) and A (being a girl) is your whatever. Would you really like surprises? It would make things worse for you. After some time you'd get suffocated. You'd try to get out of the relationship but the girl's Brahmastra (tears) wouldn't let it happen. She'll be dreaming of marrying you some day! COME ON DUDE! Under 25 and the girl is already talking marriage. You'll start praying that the girl dies before you get married because you cannot really break up with her. It's always hard to initiate one. (it happened to me!) So, what would you do?
The only difference is that the tables are turned in this case. Now the girl cannot possibly speak of breaking up with this guy, because he is so "sweet". She's afraid that he might do something stupid. What better way to break up than staging an affair? She doesn't really like this C. But the girl HATES A, long before the break up (at the time she's laughing off the C rumors). That's another possibility.. Maybe it was all a part of a giant scheme for B to get rid of A, once and for all!
Wow! But you know what, sarcastic as it may sound, it makes perfect sense! B is a genius!
LDR is only successful if both are VELLAs or both are too busy, do not get coeducation, live in a hostel with strict deadlines, do not use the Internet and NEVER talk or look at strangers. Since all this is not possible, LDRs cannot exist..
sorry for the grammatical error..
ReplyDeleteThat would be
"Maybe it was all a part of a giant scheme by B to get rid of A, once and for all!"
I couldn't find the edit button and couldn't live with myself with such an error..
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI think we've had enough discussion on what makes and breaks an LDR so i think i'll just answer the questions at the end of the blog post...
ReplyDeleteDo you think B was cheating on A?>>> No. The guy was just her best friend and now that things between B and A are over this guy will be leveling up to be the boyfriend. She loves C's company and now without the boyfriend it would be easier to get into a relationship with C. B didnt mean for this to happen but spending so much time apart from A, this was bound to happen. B got used to the distance between her and A and since she couldnt help that distance, she had more time to spend with C and then C became a daily habit and slowly B no longer needed A in her life. College kids are too young with unstable hormones [:P] to actually stay committed in an LDR. U need to meet as often as once a week or two to keep any relationship alive.
Do you think this is anybody's fault? If yes, whom>>>> U need both hands to clap... so here u cant blame just anyone of them. If i had to give a ratio it would be 70:30 B:A. The girl moved on to greener pastures with a little consideration for A's feelings than there should be. After C got promoted as the best friend, there was pretty much nothing more that B could ask for. She has someone to spend time with, have fun with, talk about anything and everything under the sun. She started ignoring A by dodging his calls when with C. So A's presence or absence would make very little difference in her life and B must have been relieved after the official breakup. A has been a faithful guy all the time and has been giving B all the space she could need. The problem was, it was a little too much of space. Enough space for C to swop in and live comfortably in B's life. C definitely had feelings for B and just wanted to somehow get A out his B's life. The plan went successful because of all the physical distance and the emotional space between B and A, all C had to do was accompany B in college and also outside and listen to her talk about her stupid day dreams and have a sense of humour that makes her laugh. So you may blame all the 3. B for being a little self-centered. A for giving B more space than required. C for taking advantage of the situation. Come to think of it, its true that most LDRs dont last, but unlike normal relationships its being out of sight for months that kills the relationship.
And lastly do you think anyone could have done anything to save the relationship? If yes, what?>>>>
B should have given more time to A. Just because she has C doesn't mean she should forget the boyfriend. She should not have ignored his calls. She shouldn't have stopped telling him all the stuff that she's up to all day. A would always be happy to hear anything she has to tell him about her life. It would make them both feel connected and make their relationship a little more interesting.
A should have told B before giving her the surprise. Its better to avoid a total surprise when both have busy lives. u'll end up surprised yourself. If A is borrowing money to travel 2000kms to see B, he should have made sure B would make every minute of the trip worth while. Also A shouldn't have been this cool with C's being with B all the time. Best friends are never good news. Sooner or later C will replace A in B's life.
C should have tried to be friends with A. That would have made life easier for both B and A. A would have known C as a person and probably have trusted him. C would have respected the relationship B and A had and could have been supportive. Like when A wants to give B a surprise he could have planned it with C. That ways C could have kept a tab on B and let A know when and where he could find her to surprise her. C shouldn't have hogged every waking minute of B's life. Even though he's the best friend, spending the night together doing project work is something he should have refrained from. C should have given space to B so that she can talk to her boyfriend too. He should have asked B not to ignore A's calls. But would he be such a gentleman if he loves B? No.
Agreed, most LDR's don't work and i don't know what makes it work. But sometimes they do. Couple of months back a friend of mine got married to his college sweetheart after being in the relationship for 9 years, which means they've been living in different cities for the last 5-6 years. Thus, not every LDR needs to be bid good-bye to. I guess an LDR needs a lot of patience and trust. Its kinda like a test for true love, if that indeed exists.
Ok, let's answer the questions then..
ReplyDeleteQ: Do you think B was cheating on A?
A: Yes but for a reason. She was trying to get rid of him. She did not love him, she was in the relationship for the heck of it. When she realized that she is slightly desirable she decided to explore the unexplored. Her first step towards this was getting her boyfriend off her back.
Q: Do you think this is anybody's fault? If yes, whom
A: A's. For his recklessness. B's because she couldn't just have the courage to talk it out and end it the difficult but correct way.
Q: And lastly do you think anyone could have done anything to save the relationship? If yes, what ?
A: No. B did not want the relationship anymore. If such a situation arises, there is no point left in the relationship, and your car is rolling on 4 punctured tires.
@Akhil - Bro, though you are entitled to your opinion and I don't disagree with whatever you said but I think you are only one step away from being a Misogynist and already are a cynic.
ReplyDeleteIf I would get to go out with a girl who's tactless, blunt, stupid and bhaari emo I would love it ;-) (probably not the bhaari emo part), that would save me a lot of trouble. But ya I wouldn't go out with such a guy if I would have been a girl :-P
Ya unfortunately you can't edit your comments on blogger. The most you can do is deleting them and then posting the edited version as probably Chandra did.
And probably you overlooked the fact that she had not planned this consciously. Maybe it slowly turned out this way.
@Chandra - If B started ignoring A, started to spend more time with C, liking his company more, not telling A about it. In short C became her first priority, over A, then she was cheating according to me. Not physically, but emotionally. Girls in general (unlike guys) don't have the mad urge to sleep with every person they come in contact with. But as guys have physical needs girls have emotional needs. When any of them try to satisfy these needs somewhere else, that is cheating according to me.
ReplyDeleteIt's very common for guys to sleep with someone and still not like them. And it's very common for Gals to not sleep with someone but still like them. So cheating can't be measured by the same yardstick in both cases.
And where does the one draw the line between just friends and lovers? If her only (best) friend can now level up to be her boy friend then probably guys should be wary of all male friends of their girls friends.
Also I think A tried to be friendly with C, but the guy hardly spoke to him. No warmth at all. Though A had already started with some prejudice in his mind. And if you already hate someone it's very difficult to make plans with him to meet your girl friend.
And I agree that C could have done much to save the relationship. It's not possible that he had not sensed that things were not working out between A & B. He could have talked to B and even A if he wanted to help them out (if he was B's best friend indeed and did not have designs on her himself). Not to forget that he had a girl friend himself.
And lastly where does one draw the line between giving too much space and being OVER POSSESIVE (the complain of most girls about their boy friends)?
And even I agree that not all LDRs are doomed. A friend of mine is about marry her boy friend of 7 years who actually lived in a different country.
haha.. Don't worry I'm not gonna be Misogynist. In fact I love girls, their stupid little strategies, their amateurish mind games, and other things. I love all the things people loath them for. Their superb control on their emotions and the ability to lie, even with the eyes, is simply amazing. I love them and I see no reason for anything otherwise..
ReplyDeleteI do understand that it clearly seems subconscious but a girl's mind is very complicated. You never know what she had in mind..
@Anirudh... I gotta say, ur pretty good at probabilities :P. Yes i deleted the first post and posted again after correcting most errors... Also when i started with the comment i had only planned on answering each question in one line but then poured it all out. got a little carried away or just felt like expressing what i figured.
ReplyDeleteYou really are pretty understanding. I'm really sorry buddy, but A alone couldn't have made the relationship work.
Well you are right about the 'emotional cheating' part but that must have taken at least 4 months after A left for a different city. Its true, for a girl, emotional support is more important and C was always there for her, while A was 2000km away. I know cheating doesn't mean the same with respect to boys and girls. What i meant to say was that when B and C initially became friends in college it was a harmless friendship. B must have developed feelings for C after things started getting a little rough with A. Its just like the movie Jaane tu ya jaane na. Best friends don't know they r in love. So B always kept clarifying there was nothing between her and C. But once A gets her into trouble by telling her mom that shes out when the mom thinks shes studying like a good girl in college, its over. She doesn't want someone who gets her into trouble. So she knew shes better off with C than A.
Till the time one of the two people in love don't expressly say they have feelings they are just friends in a girl's dictionary. And yes guys should be wary of all male friends of their girlfriends. You never know which one of them might try to steal her away from you. And for girls its easier to go from friends to more than friends than from strangers to lovers. M not saying you shouldn't let your girl talk to any boys but make sure you still remain her number one friend. All u have to do is be a good listener even if u hate whatever she talks.
I know A tried to be friends with C but C failed him. Even when with B and A all he could do was whisper stuff in B's ears. He should have tried to strike a conversation with A. Anyways i don't think too high of C after this shy guy act. Alternatively, A could have tried to have a conversation with C. I know A hated C but you know what they say 'keep ur friends close and enemies closer' Who knows a couple of months down the line A'd have been good enough friends with C and be able to keep a check on him and B.
As for C having a girlfriend, from what i gather out of the story, it was a lie B said so that A would not feel insecure with B hanging out with A. If C really had a girlfriend B could not have been this close to him. Cant go to the beach, just the two, cannot spend long hours on the phone at night, cannot stay up doing a project work. If he really had a girlfriend they broke up long back. So he is a single guy with a female best friend that close to him, who can comfort him when his girlfriend breaks his heart.
Over possessive is when you stop the girl from hanging out with her friends. What one can do is call her 2-3 times during the day even if for 5 mins just to let her know u were thinking of her, even though u have a busy schedule u have time to talk to her. At the same time keep a track on what shes up to throughout the day. But please don't make it sound like a detective investigation though. Just don't be negative of whatever she does unless u think its really immoral. If you call her every two hours you'll ruin it. The girl needs to know that no matter what she's always the top priority in your life even with the space u give her.
And yes, miracles do happen :)
I am not sure I am the right person to comment since I have not been in such a situation. If you love some one you don't even believe that person is cheating on you even if you see it with your own eyes. Love is blind perhaps thats why they say. A and B were never in love with each other. They just liked each others company. Unfortunately there is no d in this story. D is the gal who could have given A the comfort. Then it would have been a fair fight. Anyways advice to A, sit in front of the mirror ask your self if you see your mother with a guy do you think she is cheating on your dad you cannot because you have such holy thoughts about her should have the same for your girlfriend. Advice for B, you need to know that there is a guy who loves you or at least shows it. You need to care him. If you B starts leaving alone with a lady who takes care of her like her mother will she forget her mother. I guess she won't reason the same you love your mother. Advice for C, if you find that you are spoiling a love relation ship please stay away from them, have a big heart to move ahead and make sure their relationship is not ruined. C has one best friend in form of B, he will have two this way, the second one been A. At the end if B and C are in love with each other, they should dare enough to tell this to A. And A will cry but should accept it and wait, there are millions of B around. Also if A finds a B, here's a thing find one for me too :) Bye last thing I might be wrong in my interpretation.
ReplyDeletei don't know i m right or wrong but i believe not only LDR'S but any sort of relationship works only when there is trust.... and what i feel after reading this story is that both were at fault... girl in trying to find a replacement of bf in his absence in name of good friend.. and boy in just keeping his assumptions to him... instead he could have shared that with B... as there should not be any hiding facts in between a relationship.. and also sometimes it happens in LDR'S one keeps on calling, messaging trying to talk in someway and don't recieve same from other side resulting in what we call unsuccesful and unsatisfying relationship.... i repeat again m not sure m right or wrong its just what i feel....
ReplyDeletewow... so many ppl.. so many diff views... if ne one is trying 2 figure out a solution to there problem u better not read the comments.. cos its mixed... who cheated on whom... y did they do tht.. cud they hav done something else... who cares.. each person handles situation differently.. thr r over 1000 ways to handle a problem.. wch is the best way no 1 knows.. n thts a fact.. be it life , relationships, jobs... career... nething... u always make a choice.. and u find it was wrong.. u made mistake n learn from it.. thts human nature.. no one is perfect ... we as engg face these problems almost every day n we know the real problem is not finding a solution but picking the best solution for the problem... so how can one say wat cud hav been done 2 save the relationship.. u know found like 10 ways 2 make this relationship work.. wch is the best.. u don know.. cos thr r constraints.. n boundary conditions.. limitations.. too much technical.. well this is how i deal with my problems.. cos logic is the answer 2 everything....
ReplyDeletewho was at fault... every one.. i say... every one is at fault.. its not jus one person.. or actions of one person.. its the group and there actions together causes a problem for the entire system.. one extra variable C in a stable state of A n b caused a total imbalance in thr lives.. so who can u actually blame..is it C for interfering with B's personal life... or A.. for choosing to go to another city... or B for changing her priorities in life.. who can b blame... the answer is all 3... figure it out... it can b proven mathematically.. but i wont.. cos half of u wont understand the reason.. cos u guys r keen on finding out whether the girl is at fault or the guys.. u cannot base a failure of nething on one factor..
to explain in brief the reason for the break up... A n B in the same city had a stable system... A was dependent on B n vice versa... the independent variable C din hav ne influence on this system and din cause ne unstability.....as soon as A went to another enviornment there was absense of A in B's life... and an ustability was caused.. now to make this stable.. C was pulled in n now C n B became a stable system.. and A was omitted over time.. and was no longer needed... C saying he has a gf.. was a total crap.. n i bet his gf was in anohter city as well.. u cant say ne one cheated on ne one.. its a human nature to find a stable situation.. wat A cud hav done was find another variable D and made his unstability stable rather than living in an unstable world.. an imbalance world.. the equation cud hav been A+D = B+C
> A +(-B)= C +(-D)
so u see ... with another variable independent like C the entire system wud hav been stable.. the negative signs in B n D mean they are far away.. n the equation wud hav been in the same city as
A+B=C+E (E=C's gf)
so u see how ...
rather it was A= B+C ..
> A+(-B) = C
no variable to stabalize C hence B went to C cos tht system was more stable...
> B cudnt be with both... y>>>
A+B = C+ B > A=C wch is not possible.. so u see B had 2 choose one.. n B choose C... making A=0 and B+C = 0 stability reached...
another thing cud hav been was A+B=0 (wch was the initial state.)
not possible since A was not in the same place...
Call me crazy, jobless.. fool... but this is a fact... i hav worked and read bout many systems like this..
Bottom line is ..Normal relationship to LDR is a bad idea and generally fails... vice versa is not.. and also this kind of failure is also seen in normal relationships jus the independent variable c having diff values..
so guys plzz stop blaming jus one.. for the failure.. a single person is not guilty.. all 3 r.. trust me.. nothing cud hav been don to save it.. every one wanted something ...
like A wanted a better career he got it... lost is gf
B loved A but A left... she wanted emotional support she got it from C...
C wanted B from the start... he got it.. but lost his good nature.. n became the EVIL Dr.Dang ( i love the name)
Every one got things they wanted.. but also lost things... a Human never knows wat they really want..
@Chirag-
ReplyDeleteCan I ask u personal question ?
Were you drunk when you posted this ?
This pseudo intellectual pyscho babble doesn't impress anyone....
And please get your Physics/Thermodynamics/Electromagnetics right....
We both know how you/we passed our engineering....
@Ankita - There are no worng or right opinions... There are only opinions
ReplyDeleteAnd A did try to tell B.... But she did not respond. So you can't say that ....
(quote)
ReplyDeleteand also sometimes it happens in LDR'S one keeps on calling, messaging trying to talk in someway and don't recieve same from other side resulting in what we call unsuccesful and unsatisfying relationship...
(unquote)
THAT gives the most illustrious image of what an LDR actually ends up to be..
btw.. IMBA equations!
If relationships means playing mind games, balancing dynamic equations, keeping an eye on your spouse, being beware of other friends... I wonder whatever happened to True Love...
ReplyDeleteAnyways I think the discussion has stopped after 27 comments let me finish with one of my favourite quotes...
"Love is unconditional, relationships are not"