Rest In Peace

Writing your own obituary used to part if the curriculum of many college courses, even in B Schools. And I was quite looking forward to it here in IMI, not that I wish I was dead, at least not yet. But alas, it wasn't in the curriculum here.

Not many people know why Alfred Nobel started the Nobel Prize. And also that He owned Bofors (of the bofors scam fame), a major armaments manufacturer, which he had redirected from its previous role as an iron and steel mill.

When Nobel's brother, Ludvig, died in 1888, a French newspaper inadvertently published an obituary about Alfred, who was most famous at the time for having invented dynamite. The translated headline read, "The merchant of death is dead."
This shocked Nobel, he realized that this was the way he was going to be remembered. So he decided to put in his life saving in starting the Nobel Prize. Nobel signed his last will and testament and set aside the bulk of his estate to establish the Nobel Prizes, to be awarded annually without distinction of nationality. He died of a stroke on 10 December 1896 at Sanremo, Italy. He left 31 million kronor to fund the prizes which, allowing for inflation would be hundreds of millions of US dollars today.

But not all people are so lucky to see their own obituary, most can only speculate.

And here's my speculation -
Anirudh Singh Chauhan, the famous businessman, Restaurateur and owner of the Bar Chain - "The Watering Hole" died yesterday after crashing his brand new Lamborghini in the Hangar while racing his own plane. He was 75.
Born in Rajasthan, Chauhan graduated from M S Ramaiah Institute of Technology, Bangalore and then completed his MBA from International Management Institute, New Delhi before joining General Motors in 2010. He spent the next 5 years working as a manager in GM India which he then quit to start his chain of Bars with two of College Classmates.

In 2015, he opened his first Bar in Bangalore. Followed by the 2nd in 2019 in Mumbai and then soon in all the major cities of India. At 2030 he opened his first international Bar in Singapore.

"I can see everybody having a good time in my bar, a place where leave their worries behind and live in the present, like I tried all my life" Chauhan once said.

Chauhan was also an avid music fan and a collector; he had items like a burnt Jimi Hendrix Guitar, Drum Kit of Lars Ulrich of Metallica and others. When 50, he also wrote his memoirs titled ***** (Haven't thought of the name yet), which went to become a best seller.

Chauhan was considered Richard Branson of his times, and was a connoisseur of Race Cars, Watches, Old Bi - planes and Scotch whisky.

Chauhan is survived by his wife and one son. In his final years, he stayed in his Villa in Goa, and enjoyed sailing and the playing the Guitar.

The Bucket List

After watching Dasvidaniya and The Bucket List (and probably because of Scent of a Woman) I started thinking about my death. Not that I'm in a hurry to go or afraid so but I just started contemplating(I sometimes do that) what if I had got only three months to live. What do I wanna do and how will I wanna be remembered if I kicked the bucket.

This post answers the first question (Later for the second). So here goes the list (In a not much of a priority order) -

• Learn the Guitar
• Learn to Ball-Dance
• Learn to Slam Dunk (Yes I always wanted to do that)
• Visit Mom Dad and Big Brother.
• Have a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label
• Throw a Grand Party Inviting all of my friends and play the music in it myself.
• Attend a Metallica Concert
• Go on a Eurotrip - Walk the cobbled stone streets of Rome, Take a ride in Gondola in Venice, Look out to the sea sitting on the shore of Athens and wonder is this where the western civilization as we know it grew from. Drink Lager in Berlin, Visit the Red light area of Amsterdam, See the Eiffel Tower lit up in Paris, Order a dram in a pub in London....
• Donate some money to Wikipedia
• Bungee Jump (And I don't mean those sidey jumps from a Crane or something, I mean a real jump from a Helicopter or a Bridge).
• Buy a real Sports Bike and Rip a Highway apart at 180 km/h
• Have a threesome (I know it sounds gross but come on, I'm a guy and every guy wishes this)
• Go on a real Date (In which you wear tuxedos, hire a limo and take the girl to a fancy restaurant and order the most expensive wine bottle available)
• Write a book or atleast some memoirs (Doesn't seem possible now but maybe my dying days will give me inspiration to write on)
• Tell the people Liked and Hated in my life what I felt about them and why.
• Go Hunting
  
• And _____________________ (Intentionally left black)

These are nearly all the things I can think of right now, these are basically all materialistic but maybe I'm a shallow person.

P.S - If you think you really know me then attempt to fill the blank and write in the comments.

Rock On - Part 1

I just watched ‘Rock On’ the second time and I couldn’t help thinking this. If I would borrow a line from the movie itself “Accha hai, par better ho sakta hai, much much better ho sakta hai”. The movie lacked drama; it appeared a very realistic but bland movie.

Then it hit me that probably he meant it that way, or rather that was the way he saw it happen. The movie characters could be found anywhere, four guys out of college who chased a pipe dream and now trying to get to terms with the realities of life.

The Rock Band example may not be very commonplace, at least here in India but you can find the similar theme everywhere. People who thought they had an idea which they tough they can turn in gold, people who thought they will forever be friends, forever 21, forever love someone and be loved. Then one day college ends and they realize everybody needs to go their way, and mostly their paths don’t lead to same place. Suddenly your friends realize they have more important commitments than being friends, ideas going bust, your being good at something isn’t good enough, your love deciding that mommy knows best. And then the struggle….

The struggle to stay alive. The struggle to eat, to pay the rent, pay the bills, to afford the new TV you always wanted, to pay for the Birthday Bash you thought you would throw one day, to show your parents that you are actually not good for nothing. The struggle to be ahead in the rat race, I know what they say about the Rat Race, even if you win you are still a rat, but you are all rats to begin with isn’t it good to be the first among the rats ?

When you once hassled who has the trendiest shoes, who uses the hippest words, who can drink the most, who can drive the fastest. Now you worry about who has the higher salary, who has the bigger office, who landed up with a good catch as Husband/Wife or probably who stays in which locality.

Farhan Akhtar doesn’t look like his acting out as a could have been ‘Rock Star’, I think he was that guy. Who probably had a band, and wanted to make career out of it, but couldn’t.
Many people wanted to be Rock Stars, Cricketers, Actors, Pilots. Army men, Writers but couldn’t. Some listened to there parents, some to the older and more established cousins or neighboring ‘bhaiyas and didis’ who knew which stream had more ‘scope’, some figured out other Safe options and the most practical ones just chucked their dreams for the money.

And the ones who didn’t ? Well “ Idhar campus mae log jaande hai mainu… Dijjay dee itthe koi aukaat hai… Log kehte hai Dijjay mae badi baat hai…. Kuch karega Dijjay…. Lekin … Baaahar duniya mae acche acche Dijjay pis gaye… Laakhon kee bheed mae…”

Those become like the Purab Kohli of ‘Rock On’, with dark circles under their eyes, drink too much, make jokes that nobody laughs at, shout just to show their are still young and loving their life while nothing can be far from it.

So Rock on but don’t rock the boat too much…. The waves you make may be enough to drown you.

So shut up. Wake up and smell the coffin. The party is over. Adjust and Adapt. ‘After all we are just another brick in the wall‘.

Don't Cry over no shoes

Not that I wasn't a nocturnal earlier but this MBA has kept me up in the nights for the wrong reasons (read Studying or finishing assignments). I have this sad room in Katwaria Sarai (one of the down market places near my college) but the good thing about is that it has a balcony.

I sometimes come out in the balcony whenver i'm taking a break from studying or working and most of the time I miss my old life and always ask myself the question "Why did I come here" "Why did I choose this life of misery for myself" or something like that. When you are alone at 3 o' clock in the night, have no one to talk to (roomie is fast asleep all the time) and generally hate everything around the 'voice in your head' does get very loud.

And at this time I start feeling more miserable than before. But there is this one thing which always gives me hope.

There is this guy who sells 'Paranthas' in my street. He generally starts making the paranthas from around 10 o' clock and continues till about 12:30, after that he puts all of them in a 'Hot-Case' and moves his stuff into one of the streets, thats maybe because the police won't let him remain open through the night. Now Katwaria Sarai is a place which is full of Students and people who work in BPOs in Guragaon nearby and the place sees activity almost through the night, and hence also a demand for 'Paranthas'.

But that doesn't mean he is selling his 'Parantha' like the proverbial 'Hot Cakes'. Most of the night he sits alone waiting for someone to come and buy paranthas from him, or sometimes asking the passers by if they need it, thinking someone would not know of the facilties provided at this time of the night.

Whenever I'm pissed off and standing in that balcony I see him, up all night , with no one to talk to and nothing to do but wait for somebody to come. But he never seems mad at anybody, not at fate or god or himself. And for what ? Maybe 5000 Rs per month, thats the amount I have spent on booze in one night sometimes.

Which always makes me ask myself the question - "Why am I crying over no shoes when there are people with no feet ?"

(P.S. - Its 4 o' clock and i'm tired of studying Marketing and thinking I would have accepted that offer to booze and I can see him standing outside trying to sell a few more Paranthas. Suddenly my life doesn't seem so Grim anymore)

Anarchy

Anarchy means "without leaders"; not "without order"

That’s what V says in 'V for Vendetta' and I think I share his view on these.

In these first few days of my MBA I realized this. Whenever I was put into groups I always fought the leader or rather the emergence of one. Well that’s strange for me because I don’t have any leadership skills nor the desire to be the leader. So why the need for all that? But then I realized that it’s the emergence of leader and not the place of one that I fight. And that’s because I don’t want one, I’m an anarchist.

And that’s where people don’t understand me, either they think that I fight the leader because I want to be one or they think that I prefer some kind of lawless or order less state where there is chaos all around. That they will be no order if there is no leader. But this is where they go wrong. There has to be decisions made and somebody has to take them but you don’t need a leader to take them. If the group is functional it can take them.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about it –


Anarchy (from Greek: anarchía, "without ruler") may refer to any of the following: · "Absence of government; a state of lawlessness due to the absence or inefficiency of the supreme power; political disorder." · "A theoretical social state in which there is no governing person or body of persons, but each individual has absolute liberty (without the implication of disorder)." · "Absence or non-recognition of authority and order in any given sphere." It should be noted that "ruler," if used in the context of the third bullet point, has no explicit connection to the term "rules." In an anarchy, as defined by the last bullet point, it is possible to have rules (laws); however, these must be agreed upon by the participants in the system, and not imposed from above by a ruler (leader, authority). Some languages, such as Norwegian have two separate words for the two meanings. A state, free from coercive authority of any kind, is the goal of proponents of the political philosophy of anarchism (anarchists).

You don’t have view people as a herd who have to follow their shepherd to get somewhere, but as parts which come together to build something more than just the sum total of parts. And this body, this machine can go together to the place it likes with no one taking the decision for another and everybody taking decisions for the whole.

And this is what I like; I can get along with people, sacrifice and curb my own sentiments to go along what everyone decides. But what I hate is to be told what to do by someone, especially when I have no say in the decision or the authority to challenge it. And I want the same for others too; I don’t want to tell anything to anyone. But the basic premise here is that the other members in the group are sensible, thinking and value their autonomy as I do mine. Plus they don’t have the herd mentality or need to be told what to do. And of course no real benefits for being the leader.

And these of course are not attainable in real life, or maybe difficult to attain. And this is my fight all about. These things I keep fighting and will continue to do till I can, or maybe till I don’t become the herd or shepherd myself. But my basic fight maybe all about is to make people understand that they don’t need a leader to go somewhere, everybody together can do it as good as any leader.

And to highlight the basic problem in people I quote this dialogue from ‘The Joker’ or Late ‘Heath Ledger’ (May his Soul rest in peace).

“You see, nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying. If I told people that a gangbanger was going to get shot, or a busload of soldiers was going to get blown up, nobody would panic. Because it's all part of the plan.. But when I say one little old mayor will die, everyone loses their minds!! Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I am an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It’s fair!”

Thing I realized about me....

I was thinking of writing this on my last day in Kota, but never got time to write it. Though I had written it in my head long time back, or rather it was writing itself in my head from a long time ago.

I was alone in Kota for approximately 10 months, and solitude does things to you. And one is - thinking about yourself too much. And therefore I realized a few things about myself. Few things I had thought about myself which were wrong , few things which others told me about me which were wrong, and few things which I had not even thought about myself.

First thing I realized about me that I am not a pessimist, in fact I am a die-hard optimist. I hope for a miracle in the things that I really want to do. My hopeless, pessimistic approach is towards things that I don’t want to do, and it was my approach towards many things because actually I didn't want to do many things. I was happy with life like it was, and hence no desire for change. But for the things I really want I am a die-hard optimist, and I never lose hope no matter how discouraging the situation is, I many times even nearly believed that a miracle will save me.

Second would be that I get attached to the things I have, I don't realize it but anything good or bad that I come in contact with often becomes part of my life. So whenever I move or do something new I think the previous thing/life/was was better.

Third thing I realized was that I always had more questions than answers. It is said what you say says a lot about you. Well in that case I won't say that I have intelligent answers often but I see that at least I have intelligent questions. And that, in this world where telling is so more emphasized than asking is a strange thing. In the two B-Schools GDs I was able to clear, I did not have the wisest of things to say, nor did I have the most ferocious of voice, or the most up to date data, but yes I had the most intelligent questions to ask. And that has made all the difference.

One more thing I realized was that you can't really judge a person, a situation, or a response just like that. You have to be in that position to realize that thing. And more often than not I will do or feel the same thing too. And it has become easier for me to identify with people's feelings. Maybe its called growing up.

Now I don't fell strange about anything or anyone. Anything someone says or anyone does, my response is "Haan ho sakta hai yaar".

The fifth thing I realized about me that the believed that life us binary - there is only high or low. There is no in between, and I thought switching between them is easy, we can go from to very easy. For example I drank like a maniac for 13 days in Bangalore with the Rationale that this will satisy my thirst for booze and I will not drink at all once I go to college, also I thought many times if you too much fun your thirst for it will be quenched but what I realized was the reverse. It made you more thirsty if it did anything. Its very difficult to go from everything to nothing very soon, the more you had of something the more you will miss it. Life is Analogue, its not digital. You have pass through the whole curve before switching to the other side, you cannot go directly from high to low. So if you want to quit don't go all out for it, instead go away from it.But I realized this quite late.

And the last thing I realized about me that I can sleep like a log too. Ringing bells, shouting people, light etc. don’t affect me. But for that I need peace of mind that I had nothing to do before going to sleep, peace of mind that I have nothing to do when I get up, and peace of mind nobody wants anything from me. And these are very difficult conditions, actually near to impossible for someone like me. And hence I never get to sleep properly. In fact day by day my sleep is getting worse. And so is my ability to take stress. Too much stress makes me wanna throw up literally. And it’s hard for me to control it nowdays.

How to spot if a Guy is from Bangalore ?

He has spiky hair and a French beard.
He is dark.
He is wearing jeans one size too big and tee shirt two sizes big.
Thinks that wearing Metallica/Maiden/Slayer t-shirts is still cool.

He is wearing Nike/Adidas/Reebok floaters.
With white socks !

He ends all sentences with either 'Da' or 'Machaa'.
Calls a cigarette a 'fag' while acting like one all the time.
He likes to roam around on his Yamaha RX 100 , with a modified handle.
The one that 'Upendra' made famous.

You can find him drinking beer at 2 'o' clock in the noon listening to Classic Rock and swearing that they don't sing it so good anymore.
But he surely won't last till 2 'o' clock in the night.
Other than this the bakery is his favorite 'hang-out'.

Secretly dreams of growing a Moustache one day and being a real Macho-Man.
And a fight consists of shouting "Aaeee" and "Raeeee" in every 2 secs while making obscene hand gestures all the time.But no remembers the time when somebody actually hit someone !

Cruel Joke

I get up from sleep... My head feels a bit weird... Should have not drunk so much last night, but thats what I tell myself every night...

Hmmm... My chest feels a little weird, maybe all that push ups have finally beginning to show fruit, maybe finally I have that pecs.... No wait... Its something else.... I have boobs !!!

Very disturbing... This is the worst hang over ever....

I am a girl...

Dad comes in, runs his hand through my hair and leaves.... Mom shouts that we need to dust the Drawing room today... But I don't think she's talking to me, I mean she's never asked me that before.

I hate whiskey now.... My best friend calls and I am not able to find my phone.. I tell her that but she takes it as a big joke now... Ha ha ha ha ha... A girl who can't find her phone
....

We talk on the phone for nearly an hour... We bitch about Shreya, Sonal and Ritu.... And all this time I thought we all 5 were good friends ... Its Sonal's birthday today, and she is freaking out that I forgot to call her at 12 last night... big deal... Half of my friends forget my birthday... But maybe thats how the game is played.... We talk about the new bottle green jeans that I have bought... Apparently she was about to buy it too.... But then she wouldn't be caught dead in the jeans that I have bought....
Strange.... I have only bought blue Levi's Jeans till now.. Thats what everybody bought.... I am wondering why she laughed so hard when I said I need a light blue jeans and I don't know what exactly sky blue means....

She asks me about the the brown Kurta that I have bought last night.. And tells me about her new tube top... Which is soooooooo..... cute....... And even after talking to my best friend for an hour I feel no warmth... Strange.....

Anyways we make a plan to meet up at Shopper's Stop after office to buy clothes.... I seems we don't have any clothes to wear for Sonal's birthday..... And while coming here I saw an whole Almira full of my clothes.....

In office.
Time to log in Orkut and Gtalk.....

My god !! 20 people online, I have never seen so many people online... After sometime I change my status to busy... It seems like guys can't stop saying HI....

Work is boring.... Hemant and Ashutosh are ready to do my work for me anyways.... They said they will cover up for me for today.... Team Leader says to go back home.. Its already 6..... Though much earlier then my regular time to go home....

Good.. Now I can go partying today.... Saurabh is nearly begging me since morning to go with him... But I can't say yes to him..... He's just a friend you know....

Me and my 'Best friend' meet in Shopper's Stop....

After going through truck loads of stuff we finally agree on buying a top for her... Now why is this shop keeper tugging on his hair ??...

Strange..... I'm having trouble carrying this bag of clothes....

Finally.... I am back home with all that stuff... We also stopped along the way to buy ourselves a pair of hideous ear rings....

- How are these ear rings ???

- Sooooooo... Cute...
This green really brings out the color of your eyes.....

-Huh ??

Tring Tring....
5th call since morning.... All these guys had called to just say to say 'Hi' and had talked on for half an hour... I am not gonna pick this call... He's such an asshole.....

I go back home.. Take a shower and take half an hour to choose clothes for myself.... And apparently I'm in all this cleanliness thing now... I can't wear the shirt I threw on the chair last night...

So its 10 and we arrive at the club... Some sort of Ladies night here and free drinks for all of us...Wow...
Some guys in the distance are being shooed away..... No stags allowed.... Thats too bad...

All the guy's eyes are on me ... Even the ones who are with their girl friends... Strange .. I didn't dress up that well and I needed to lose 5 kgs to wear this dress actually.... I'm bulging from everywhere....

Some of them try to see with the corner of their eyes, some of them look at me and then look beyond me as if they were searching for some of their friends... Guys, I know...

Oh shit ! Girls know !

I go over to the Bar to ask for a beer..... The bartender is ready to oblige me immediately... But he suggests me Vodka Martini instead, all drinks are free anyways for me... Sweeeeeet.....

But why am I getting this feeling that his eyes are following me everywhere ??

Some guy asks me to dance...... I really want to dance and this guy looks like the better of the lot that is here but I say 'NO'... He would have taken me for a slut then it seems.... But why wasn't he looking at my face when he was taking to me ? Poor guy, must have been shy....

Its weird not to sit brazen.... With my legs crossed...

We toast Sonal's birthday every time we order a drink.... We all shout cheers in loud but shrill voice and giggle like School Girls everytime... Who will tell these girls that you only say Cheers once when you start drinking and you never toast to yourself... One of us lights a cigarette and passes it on... But why is not anyone drawing the smoke in ? Hmmm....

Oh my god !
Some friend of hers has brought a cake here to the club... And then we start singing 'Happy Birthday to you' in that voice I had mentioned before.... Man... What kinds of freaks are we ??

Whatever.... I need to go to the loo....

Oh shit ! I have walked in the ladies room... These girls are gonna shout...
Huh ? Nothing happens...
Oh I am a girl now too... But why is everyone hogging the basin and the mirror above it ? Only a few girls seem to be here to pee... A few are talking on the phone for minutes now... Why can't they say "Dude I'm at the club, plenty of hot babes here. Will talk to you tomorrow" and hang up ?

I get back.. All my friends are getting sloshed... And then are shouting 'Oh I'm so drunk' ... Ya, we all can see that anyways....

Sonal asks me to request a song from the DJ...

- "No, he always says no request"
- "Who said that ? He always plays for me."
- "No"
- "yes'
- "Ok i will try"

So I walk up to him and flutter my eyelids at him... "Hey could you please play me......."
- "Sure , it will be the next song"
Bastard ! Why did he had to say no to me everytime ? I always asked for the hottest songs around....

Party ends... Tons of guys ask us to drop us home....
- "Don't worry we'll catch an auto and go" I say.
The girls let out a shreik , some guys start laughing and some guys can't comprehend what I just said....

In the end Sonal finally picks out a guy who will be dropping us from her friends. But not before he offers to buy us a round of drinks and go for a long drive !

Man... How foolish guys are !

Finally we reach my home.... I leave the girls fighting about whom actually was that cute guy looking at.

I get back home, dad opens the door... He grumbles something about the time, my company and how girls should know their limit and goes back to sleep....

I change and go to sleep... Cool....This was the most fun night ever....

I get up from sleep... My head feels a bit weird... Should have not drunk so much last night, but thats what I tell myself every night...

The hair on my arms are back... I run a hand on my cheek... I have a stubble... Freaked I run to the mirror...
no No NO NOOOOOOOOOOO !!!

I'm a guy again. That was all a dream !!

Oh No ! What a cruel joke !


Disclaimer - This is a work of drunk Fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.

Ennui

A barrage of lights, and a sea of people,
Sounds in the distance and a few smile on loan
They help me peek out of my Palace of ennui. But,
This loneliness never leaves me alone.

The smell of the new air, the sounds of a different scale.
The joy of something new, the thrill of something unknown.
But when all these are done and gone I wish atleast,
This loneliness never leaves me alone.

We all are but passing ships in the vast sea of world,
we think its anywhere together we may roam.
But its the winds and current of life that carry us. Thank god,
This loneliness never leaves me alone.

Sometimes a smiling nod on the way,
A few banter filled talk on the phone.
Life's best year spent with you, but only
This loneliness never leaved me alone.

I know there will be few roads diverging along the way,
Some will lead to oblivion, some will lead to the Throne
There will be more companions beside me on my way.
But soon like leaves in the wind of fate we will be blown.
So with no surety of our time together. Only,
This loneliness will never leave me alone.

But what's the use and whom to blame,
Rant under my breath and cry and groan ?
So, Oh my solitude I welcome you,
This loneliness that never leaves me alone.

People come and go, so shall I one day
I wonder what my epitaph will say on the stone.
But it really doesn't matter. As there too, only
this loneliness will not leave me alone.

.

Beat the Heat

Well here in Rajasthan the temperature is a Soaring 44 C (and its still April). Somebody please stop that 27,245,758 thousand metric tonnes of Carbon Emission !!

Well till that happens here's my 4 ways to beat the Heat -

4. Shower

3. Beer

2. Beer with Shower

1. Shower with Beer


Trust me they work.

City of People

I remember once in my first year I asked my friend Ashutosh "Do you like Bangalore ?". He said "ya I do, but not the people here, I wished the city was Bangalore but the people were of Lucknow only".
To that I replied " The people only make the city, if it had people from Lucknow they would have made this Lucknow only"
He agreed.

But now I am confused.
Maybe the its the other way around. Maybe Bangalore would have made them 'Bangalore people' only.

So now I ask do the people make the city or its the city that makes the people ?

When I entered Bangalore around 5 years back I was a different person from what I left it as. It molded me, sometimes hammered me into shape. And I am not the same I was, I can't think of anything I did to the city but I know of hell lot of things the city did to me.

From a wide eyed and naive boy of 19 to a guy which gets shocked by nothing its been a quite a change.

But the years I was there I influenced a lot of people around me, sometimes subtly sometimes dramatically, sometimes knowingly sometimes unknowingly. And they might have influenced others around them. Thus maybe causing a small dent in this great city's Armour.

When I went to Bangalore I was surprised to see my brother and his friend's lifestyle. I thought how did they lived the way they did, said the things they said.
But after 4 years I became somewhat like them, rather we became somewhat like them.
We got 'Bangalored' in our own way.

But how did we change ? Or how does anyone change ?
There was nothing in the water there. No magic ingredient in the food. It was the people around us that change us. What they say, what they do and what they show they did. And those people make the city and makes us too.

So do we make the the city ? Or it is the city that makes us ?

P.S. - Comments awaited. Maybe we can debate on this and find out. I know this all is very vague and confusing so will try to clarify whatever I can.

Pity us men.........

Problems -

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your but and find something better.

If you don't act nice to her friends, you hate her friends.
If you do, you are a pathological flirt.

If you do not call every once in a while, it means that you do not care.
If you do that means you are acting possessive.

If you get in a fight with someone who passed a comment on her, you are a hot headed jerk.
If you ignore it, you are a coward.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you go out with your guy friends once in a while she is second priority
If you ask her to come along everywhere, you have no life.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you hold the door open for her you are a Chauvinist.
If you do not, you don't have any manners.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you offer to help in a thing she is having trouble with that is demeaning her.
If you not, you simply do not care for her.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're a fag.

If she asks you out thats her boldness.
If you do then "you men are all the same !"

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you use a facewash you are panzy.
If you do not you have no idea how to take care of yourself.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.

And you still think that women need empowerment ?


P.S. - The only thing guys have is that the world is their Urinal !!!

In an Absolut world - MBA Interview

Well inspired from the Absolut Vodka's campaign I will be writing about some of my own thoughts for a perfect world.

I'll start from what has become a living nightmare for me these days MBA Interviews.

MBA Interview

Professor : So Mr Chauhan come in and please sit down.....

Me : I already am in Sir and I figured that these chairs are for me only to sit down so I did

Professor : Ok. So tell me something about yourself.

Me : Well I'm crazy about music. I love to party. I have a huge music collection. In fact I secretly wished to be a DJ but I thought I'll earn more money being a manager so I am here. I'm a engineer, from correspondence, now don't ask how. I was a average student in school and had no idea about MBA but started preparing for IIT as it was a big thing in my city. Nearly missed it the 2nd time. So I figured as you are in a average college so its better to have fun.

Professor : So what was your favorite subject in college ?

Me : You seem to have a short memory sir. I said I was busy having fun in college. And nobody likes any subject which they have to study forcefully.

But you can ask me anything about Automobiles because I'm sure that I have 5 times more knowledge in it then any old man can have. And I have mugged up the names of the CEOs of the big companies, their turnover , no of cars produced etc.

Professor : Naah, never mind. you scared me already. Now I will have to ask some HR questions to save face.

Me : Shoot.

Professor : So tell me about your strengths and weaknesses ?

Me : Well sir my strength is that I can drink most guys under the table. I never puke. I never get into fights, or into accidents or majorly embarrass the people with me. I once drank 14 bottles of beer after my breakup and lived to tell the tale.

Weakness, that would again be Booze, I can't resist it. Come exam the next day or Hell or High water. And also I can't get up early in the morning.

Professor : So what are u doing about your weaknesses ?

Me : Sir if I have to get up early then nowdays I don't sleep only and catch up with the missed sleep on the way or in class or at work.

Professor : Hmmm... So tell me an example where you took charge of a difficult situation and came out of it.

Me : Sir once my friend Tarun took me to a place where about 30 guys were ready to bash my bones and it was just the 2 of us. My friends had gone elsewhere and we were alone. But I showed courage in the face of danger and patted the opposite group's leader on the back and said
"Bas yahi ? Jaa apne baap ko bhi bula le hum log tab aate hai" and coolly drove out of there.

Professor : Very good. Now show me an example of your managerial skills.

Me : Sir once my friends had planned a huge party at my place and didn't even tell me about it. But I was asked by one of my friends if I'm having a party at my place (PR). Then i confirmed it the people who had planned the party and started preparing. First I got rid of my flatmate and girl friend (HR) because I knew what ruckus it was going to be (Long term vision). Then I made a list of things required such as plastic glasses, snacks, plates, chilled water and cold drinks and told them where to get it from (material resource planning/logistics). Then I messaged everyone to come at my place for the party, I messaged because it was free (Marketing on a budget). We were a little short of cash so arranged for the money from other people. Interest free loans with no repay period (finance). After we started drinking I made sure that everybody had his glass full and everybody was close to a bottle (Operations). People who asked for whiskey got whiskey, vodka for vodka and beer lovers got beer (Quality control/Six Sigma). Everybody not only got drunk in the end and but some people were totally smashed (Moving from Consumer Satisfaction to Customer delight). I even asked if anybody was drunk that night the next day (Marketing research).

So you see I was born to be a manager.


Professor : Impressive but can you work under stress ?

Me : Well I have studied on the night before the exam every time during my engineering so this can tell you loads about my stress management capabilities.

But I'll give you an even better example. You see sir when I was in my 3rd year my Parents made a surprise visit to Bangalore. They just called me an hour before they were about to reach. And I had just woken up at 4 o clock and was hung over from the night before due to drinking like an maniac. And not to mention that my house was filled with empty liquor bottles and cigarette stubs. From the bed to the curtains everything stank of cigarette. And yes sir I also lived in with my girl friend which my parents didn't knew.

But in that one hour i cleaned out the house, changed the bed sheets, removed the curtains. Threw away the bottles and cigarettes, washed my Dust bin. Removed my girl friend and her stuff. And got a new room mate complete with his books and clothes. And my parents still don't have a clue.

Professor : Wow ! And whom do you consider your Idol ?

Me : Sir Mithunda. In the epic movie Gunda he was one step short of god. Not only was he a good son and a good brother but also a good husband and father. He showed us how to combat evils like flesh trade, Prostitution, Corruption and the value of citizen partnership in law upkeep and benefits of adoption. And not to forget the value of being punctual by his dialogue "Do chaar cheh aanth dus... bus !!!"

And he was not only a dancer, choreographer, musician, poet rolled in one but also a race car driver, weight lifter, boxer, karate expert, Jodoka and expert in all firearms including pistol, sniper rifle and bazooka.

And all the while he was working as a Coolie at the Airport.

Professor : So do u read ?

Me : Yes sir.

Professor : So what was the last book you got to read ?

Me : Well actually sir the last book I read was "Letters to Penthouse" where the Crazy Americans share their all sex stories but I would rather quote something from V.S Naipaul or Salman Rushdie. I have never read any of there books because I can't fathom why anybody would go through 500 pages about a story that is boring, consult a dictionary every two mins to reach a ending which doesn't make any sense or conclude. But I have read their plot summaries and tens of their reviews on the net and mugged all of them up.


Professor : So why this Institute ?

Me : Well after no calls from IIMs or XLRI and getting the shaft from all the top level institutes I have no option to come to you. Also that the college is in a hip locality and I also the heard the chicks in the nearby colleges are hot. Also your website quotes though fake but a high maximum package for last year.

Professor : And why should we take you ?

Me : Duh... I'm willing the pay the fees. And after clearing a challenging exam like CAT i have crammed up truck loads of data about our GDP growth rate, Purchasing power parity, Sub prime crisis, stock markets and difference between bonds and debentures. And facts that I'm never going to use like President of Uganda, editor of outlook business, Finance minister of china, people below poverty line in the US of A.

And the fact that I have traveled 1000 kms to get here, staying in sidey hotel for 2 days now, dressed up in a business suit in the July heat and have dealt with Insane amounts of stress since morning without eating anything. So if that doesn't convince you, nothing will.

Professor : Ok Anirudh, last question. Why do you want to a MBA ?

Me : Well Sir i will be really honest on this one. Well I have seen my parents my whole life taking orders from people who were not even half as competent as them. My friends being tortured by their bosses, while the boss took the credit for everything and the blame always went to the employees. So I thought I better bypass this step and directly enter at higher in the food chain. I would rather dish out shit than take shit from someone.

Also that managers get better paid, promoted faster. Have power lunches, get to travel a lot on company money for sitting in an A/C room passing around vague terms , buzzwords and weasel terms and then get drunk in the night in the post meeting dinner. And videos like 'Naughty Office' where the boss gets lucky with the secretary have made my conviction even stronger.

And lastly the thing is that I made a complete mess of my engineering. And the only way to purge my sins and not spend 10 years of my life sitting in front of the comp typing codes was to do a MBA.

Professor : Well that'll be all. Thank you Anirudh.

Me : Thank you sir.

Manipal Trip - 2 (Manipal Part)

Got up and nice and early the next morning too. Didn't want to be late for the bus. Reached there before time too.

Tragedy 2 -

Again tried to sleep in the bus as was kind of Hung-over but realized that it was futile. The road was very bad and was full of twists and turns. A/C and a Volvo bus were not able to help me. Two guys puked on the way.

Way to go!

Stopped once in between for Oota (Food). Had Idli-Sambhar in some restaurant (if it could be called that) . After 4 years in Bangalore and being in such pissed off state I had lost all my desire for good food.

Realized that I had forgotten my 2500 buck tie in Bangalore. It was hanging neatly in the closet where I left it so as not to get crushed.

Reached Mangalore at 6:15. 15 minutes too late it seemed. The next bus for Udupi will leave at 7. Had nothing to do so sat in the bus disgusted and thinking what to do about the tie. The bus left at 7:15. It was one and half hour ride which I spent looking 0utside. Saw Surathkal (of NIT Surathkal fame) was on the way and returned about 5 phone calls explaining why I am not n Manipal despite leaving at 9 in the morning.

Finally reached Udupi and then further Manipal at around 9. A full 12 hours after I had left. Rendezvoused with Anubhav, he was waiting for me outside the hotel

It was Humid as Hell! Thank god the room was A/C. Met the other dude who was with him. He was actually a DUDE. While we were reading the budget and C++ he casually rolled up a joint and smoked away.

Went out to eat and me and Anubhav were both surprised that the roads were nearly deserted and nothing was open here. Although guys boozing standing out of a rather well stocked 'Wine shop' and a couple intimately chatting in the night sitting at a bus stop lifted my spirits a little. And the best thing was 'No cops in sight anywhere' !

The next day was the GD/PI day or 'Hell day' as I will refer it to from now.

I got to sleep in middle of the bed and was worried a little too much so couldn't sleep.

Tragedy 3 -

I got up at 5:30 after sleeping at 1:30 (it would have generally meant me waking up at 5:30 in the eve, rather late by my standards too but this time it was 5:30 in the morning). I was the first to get up and get ready.

There was no hot water so had to take a bath from cold water only. This was one thing I thought I would not be able to do, but I guess 'time teaches you everything'.

Reached TAPMI, registered ourselves and sat for the the boring presentation. Saw a senior of our college there too.

We all 3 had different panels. So we went to our respective rooms for GD. A nice, friendly girl Renuka sat near me (at least she seemed friendly before the GD started). Got talking to her for a few minutes, then the faculty arrived. One lady (hereby referred to as the evil HR lady or EHL), the Snobbish Admission In charge (SAI) and one young idiot (YI).


Tragedy 4 -

The topic was "Are news channel losing their credibility ". We were 17 people in all and the GD started as a fish market. Our friendly Renuka butchered a lot of people's points and silenced many with her shrill voice. Yours truly was largely unfazed though, and tried to make a few good points. Few people were hogging all the Airtime and some people didn't even bother speaking up. The discussion lost steam and went banal in the last few minutes. Some idiot tried to play leader and invited the audience to speak, but they again repeated the points and some people couldn't shut up now too after howling for last 10 mins.

Then we were asked to write the summary of the GD in 10 mins. I wasted a few mins trying to compose the summary in my head, and then got to writing. But time was called before I got to finish it, I could have sworn it wasn't ten mins yet but no one else resisted. And anyways couldn't do anything about it.

Then we got to Extempore. The first guy spoke well. But after that many people fumbled. I was sitting in my chair comfortably criticizing everyone's performance. Then I got my two topics

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

It isn't over till its over.

Though I selected to speak on the 2nd one I was about to feel the former first hand very soon. I started off in style -

"When Thomas Alva Edison tried to invent the light bulb a hundred years back....."

But then fumbled and lost my chain of thought. Did umm, ahem... aaa.... umm.... for around 10 secs, was ready to throw in the towel there and but thought hey "It isn't over till its over". Picked up from there but the damage was done and couldn't conclude it.

We were asked to come after 2 PM. I asked EHL where would our room be but she got mad. Started ranting about how this is not Lucknow's bhool bhulaaiya and all, totally uncalled for. I stated hating the Inst and her then and there.

Went back to the Hotel to find that Anubhhav had the keys and there was no spare key in the hotel. So went off to some place to eat something. Got the keys after sometime and went back to the room. Anubhav came back after sometime and told the interview was very casual, no problem.

But I was soon about to find that won't be the case in my case.

Renuka was the first one to go in and soon returned all smiles and said they just casually talked. I was about to go in she stopped me and asked me to go in smiling. Little did she realize that was the last time I got to smile in that interview.

I was asked t0 explain my extraordinary performance in B.E. and my 4 backlogs. And then all hell broke loose on me. EHL, YI and SAI took turns punching at me. And I got to know what does a Pizza undergoes in the oven while we are waiting for it outside. SAI did one bad thing he started asking me about Automobiles, and soon realized that I was the boss there. But they soon got back to grilling me on my performance in BE and what was I doing in those 4 years in Bangalore. The YI read my SOP and laughed at it, and then I really lost my nerve. I will never get to know that was it a routine 'Stress Interview' or they started grilling me because they thought I was lying or maybe they didn't really like me. But the end result was I got badly grilled and I'm sure I must have made some mistakes due to the stress I was in.

Anyways went out fuming, and warned my panel mates about the grilling I received.

Went back to the Hotel and went out to eat. Was very much bugged already. Though got pleasantly surprised to learn that my Director's interview was today only and I was the last but one candidate.

Went to TAPMI at 6 to realize that the guy from 4 o clock hasn’t got his turn.

Got my turn at 8. I was in only for 2 mins, the Director kept reading from my form and I just got to say 'Yes Sir' to every question.

Was so bugged in the end that I took the first bus out at 9 of this God-Forsaken place without even eating dinner.

Tragedy 5 –

Was feeling a bit relieved after sitting in the bus, thinking that I would be in my beloved Bangalore in the morning. But my miseries were not to end soon. They guy in my next seat puked, and I got to sit beside him in the A/C bus for hours. And if that was not enough the bus broke down in the middle and I had to take a bus to Mysore and then a bus to Bangalore from there. Finally reached Bangalore at 10 in the morning.


No more tragedies from here on. Ate to my heart's content in Razzmatazz. Drank to my body's content in Bush & Bull. Drank some more in Ujwal that night. Had to good chat, though only for 5 mins in the night and dozed off.

Got up early again in the morning next day and was in Kota by night fall. Back to Home food and my own bed and no worries.

I'm loving it!

Manipal Trip 1 (Bangalore part)

This is a continuation of my travelogue. Only have 2 more trips to go. And after the experience I had on this one I am sick of them.

I was very excited on the eve of leaving, couldn't sleep. And party due to that I have to get that LOR (Letter of Recommendation) ready before leaving. So I was up for whole night packing my things and got the letter edited from Sonell. Started getting ready at 5, had to catch a bus at 7. Didn't realize that this was my first of many sleepless nights to come.

Was before time for my bus. Dad doesn't generally trusts me on this sort of stuff so was extra careful packing my things and reaching before time. Sat on the bus, was hoping to sleep on the bus but couldn't sleep due to some problem or the other. Just had bread omelet before leaving. Reached Airport before time too. Couldn't find anything to eat on the stupid Airport. Went through check in and security check quickly. Sat int waiting area for an hour as the flight was late. Couldn't find anything to eat there, found duty free booze shop there but wasn't allowed to carry anything on domestic flight. Damn Indian Government !

As soon as the flight landed somebody's phone rang and he started speaking in kannada
'yeli sir....'. I was back in Bangalore. Went through baggage claim and was out soon. Harsh had called asking where was I, I said Jaipur, wanted to surprise him. Met Dada, Anil and one more dealer outside. Invariably talk was about dealing , seats and Candis all the time in the car. I was already feeling sick of it. Dada said " Bhaai dealing kee baat nahi karenge to gaadi ka pahiya kaise ghumega ? " Right said brother. It took one and half hour to reach Ramaiah, about the same time it took me to reach Bangalore from Bombay. MG road was choked, spent half an hour on that alone.

Stopped for booze on the way . Kingfisher Draught, after so many months. It felt like elixir from heaven. Other people went to party, Me and Dada went to his home and started on our respective sad stories over beer. Soon (after 2 beers only) i dozed off while talking to him.

Tragedy 1 -

Got up nice and early , asked Harsh for his bike . Chirg bhaai came to give his bike. Dropped him off. He said it has petrol to go for another 10 kms. Anyways I thought I'll fill while going back to college just-in-case. But the bike dried up while I was not even half way back. Had to push the bike for a km or so. Back in Bangalore baby !

Went to college to realize that map of college was changed and department was no more. There was a new building for the Mech. department. After asking around for sometime I found out the dept and the office. Took my mark sheet and looked around for HOD's chamber. After searching for 10 minutes I got the nerve to ask the always grumpy and irritated office guy where is HOD's chamber.

"HOD Sir is on leave till Monday"
Brilliant !

And I had a letter to get signed from HOD. Daniel had retired too.

Nothing to do in the college I went back to Dada's place. After thinking for an hour or so I got the idea to get the LOR from Annaiah, that old fool would be more than happy to give it to me. Prepared another letter in his name with some arbitrary crap. Went back to college and searched him for half an hour but couldn't find him, in the end found him heading for the canteen (Mech. Professor of course).

"Excuse me Sir, can I have five minutes of your time "

"Haan bolo kya chaiye tumko ?"

"Sir LOR"

"Khaana kha ke aata hai abhi , thoda daer mae aana"

"OK sir, thank you sir"

Went to the bakeries outside college just to re-live my own past. Ate 'Bun-Samosa' and drank chocolate milk shake (my staple diet in the first year). I wondered why it seemed so far off, almost some other life.

Went back to college, caught hold of Annaiah and got the letter edited (which meant that he changed highly to strongly) and asked me to get it printed. After half an hour of useless parade got the letter printed and after another half an hour of searching got the dept seal on the letter. Booked tickets for the Morning bus tomorrow.

Phew ! Work done. Off to booze now.

Met up with Harsh and went to Bush and Bull.

Two Long Island Iced teas ! (I was inspired from the book - 'The funda of Mixology')

Got talking about my boring life from past 7 months. Downed one more mug of beer and went down. I was already feeling a little drunk. Picchu came there too. She slapped me and declared "Ye to lamba lag raha hai pahle se"

Old friend hug or atleast shake hands after seeing each other after long.

Picchu slapped me !! (But hey, thats typical Picchu for you)

Anyways headed back to Ramaiah and changed and headed to Pebbles. It was refuge in the shitty times that I saw in my final year. A sort of Port in the turbulent seas. A place where found tranquility and serenity, even only for some time.

Found out that 'Our place was moved. Or rather the whole seating arrangement was changed due to to the 'No Dancing' rule imposed by the police there. Got drinking 'chilled beer' in my favorite small small green bottles. Shifted over the Bar. Had tequila. And a few sips of Mojito. Played some stupid 'Flirt with MTv VJs' game and won dog tags and fridge magnets.

Went back to Dada's place, was drunk so slept early. (Plus had to get up early as had a bus in the morning).


to be continued -

Time Machine

Of all the things that I wished since I was a kid, apart from a bigger collection of GI-JOE, the topmost was a time machine. Other people wished Money, Fame, Power, Invincibility, Invisibility etc; all I wished was a time machine.

A simple time travel would give me a whole lot of satisfaction. And not withstanding that fact that a time machine would give a few of the above for example a single share of Wal-Mart would be worth millions today. Or maybe a large bet on India before the start of 20-20 world cup would have fetched me enough to buy an IPL team of myself, with probably Dhoni leading it. I might have been wealthier than Warren Buffet and certainly more famous than Nostradamus, with none of my predictions ever going wrong. I could have been the King maker in the world by knowing which winning horse to back up in the politics. I think I would have been content with that much Money, Fame and Power. And oh I almost forgot to add, a pass out from MIT and then Harvard too, because I would have known exactly which interview questions and what paper would be thrown at me in the near future.

Then I read the book ‘Science’ from Isaac Asimovin my 9th grade, it shattered quite a few of my private fantasies. While talking about Einstein’s famous ‘Twin paradox’ and time as the fourth dimension and the Universe splitting into millions of parallel universes at a time he practically made it clear that time travel is impossible, no matter how advanced how science gets. Basically even if u are actually travel through time or go at speeds comparable to speed of light the Universe will immediately split in two. So when you actually go forward or backward in time you will never be able to go back to ‘Your’ time again. Your Universe would have been split in two parallel universes with no way back to the other one, so whatever you do or disturb here will have no repercussions in ‘Your’ universe.

Pretty sad, isn’t it?

This question was again shoved in my face a few days back, in MICAT. Although not directly, but I was asked to invent a machine and was asked to describe the functions I would put in it. Though I never got around writing it but I did think along the lines of a Time Machine, to end all worlds’ miseries or at least mine. And yes I always wanted to put this function, that the time machine would always bring me back by 12 hours if it’s not reset in that time. This all to save me from getting killed or captured. And of course the TM would only work after hearing my heart beat, which is after recognizing the unique sound my heart valves make. After so many Hollywood movies I have realized that retina scans, leave alone the old school voice recognition, finger print and the Stone Age’s typing in a password never work.

Then I realized that time machines have been in existence since time immemorial. Though not in the heavy machinery, spiral spinning, working on nuclear power devices sense. But they do a pretty good job of transporting you through time, distances - both physical and emotional.

It’s a song!

Yes a song can take you to happy times in your past or can take put the taste back in your mouth of the most bitter heart ache you ever experienced. It can help you daydream about the good things that lie in your near future and can fill your heart and head with romance no matter how remote they seem in the future. No it would not make you insanely rich, that is if you are not some pop singer who focus on your legs/ass or your dyed and gelled hair in your videos more than the song. No it would get you the chicks if you are not a ‘Rock Star’. No it would not end world hunger or poverty maybe not even your own. It might help in world peace in the remotest way. It Might bring you some fame, which soon will soon fade away if your next song doesn’t make as much money.

But hey, it has helped me travel time and again. A song can put me back in my primary school rehearsing the lines of “On top of the world…” and trying to overcome stage fright. In the train I took with my friends in my 9^th grade. Back in Tarun’s room where we sat for hours at end saying nothing but still enjoying each other’s company. Maybe back in my room when I dropped a year fantasizing about the exciting college life that lay ahead of me.

Sometimes a song takes me the first fresher party I had. I never had so much in an afternoon in my life. Sometimes to the time I got to know a certain someone in my life. Sometimes, my first date.

And then sometimes I am transported back to the hell hole of heartbreak that I spent months of my life clawing my way out, and then suddenly life doesn’t look so rosy, in fact its bleak and bitter. The constant struggle to get over, the constant question of why me, what went wrong, did I do the right thing. They all are shoved in my face again. The angst is so strong that I can almost smell it. The rotten feeling in my gut is rekindled. Once in a while I revisit the drunken nights that I spent trying to forgive and forget, while poor Harsh putting up with my idiocy and idiosyncrasies.

And then sometimes to Goa, floating in eternal ocean where I forgot all my worries, sorrows, anger and problems. Never mind only if for a few seconds. To Purple haze sometimes where I used to sing-along or head bang like crazy for nearly every song, especially after copious amounts of beer and tequila shots. Sometime to Spinn where I used to shout “This is my favorite song….” And where I used to dance the now legendary ‘Beer Dance’. Was that fun or was that fun? Sometimes to my old house, where we used to dance around the house after being drunk for no reason whatsoever.

Then sometimes I’m taken to the near future where there is no uncertainty, I know what’s happening to me and what will happen to me. With the cocoon of safety of college around me. To the time when I will dance senselessly again, and be content with my life. Sometimes to the time and place where I can hold my loved one in my arms, gaze in her eyes and say it all without speaking a word.

Pune Trip

Its been a long time since I'm writing a blog drunk. Don't have that liberty anymore. Was planning to write about this from a long time. But never got around it.

I left for Pune on the 28th of Jan, a day after coming from Dehradun. Wasn't too much thrilled about it , but I had to do this. Had two interviews, SCMHRD & SIIB. Dad wanted to accompany me, so we left for Pune.

Reached a day earlier that required, to be the safer side.

First day was SCMHRD , was impressed by the competition as well as the students of it. There was something in their eyes, I couldn't place it. But well, they looked like they had seen their Goal somewhere, someplace that beckoned them , someplace that welcomed them with stretched arms. It was inspiring.

REJECTED. Was face to face with this word after a long time. And I haven't got any better to handle it. Came back to hotel, threw my books and slumped on the bed. All tiredness of the day caught with me at once. Dad got worried, tried to console him but didn't do good work with that.

I got along the evening with some effort but soon it was night. Dad slept around 10. Had nothing to do after dinner, couldn't go anywhere, had nobody to talk to.

I was going crazy, I can never have booze the time I want it most. I felt like shouting out loud my angst, couldn't keep it in me. But had nowhere to go, nobody to tell what I felt, was shouting silently lying on the bed. I longed company , of any sort. But had to face my demons , all alone like always. I was reminded very rudely that I can't stay alone anymore now. I was coming apart at the seams.

I have known people asking for bottle of scotch and a hand gun at such times But I wanted to ask for bottle of scotch and a Iron rod. The imagery was so strong in my head that I could see the rod in my hands, a ribbed rod with threads around it, its end not properly finished and rusting. And I'm sure if I would have been in Bangalore that time with a bottle of scotch and a rod somebody would have got his head split due to being hit by an iron rod, and somebody would have been strangled to death. With the rod forming a blue mark on the neck as a sign of strangulation, with popped out eyes to complete the grotesque picture

Had the same feeling on the 28th Feb. SIIB rejected me too. Or rather wait listed me at 839 . Assuming that there were 120 people selected and around 1000 people that appeared. I was pretty much at the bottom rung, And here I was harboring ambitions getting through. Was having sleepless nights from two days. Knew there was only one way to sleep that night, the lethal combination of booze and sleeping pill. Couldn't drink to my heart's content so had one Pacyl, and I was off to sleep.

All those prayers and lucky charms amounted to nothing. Bitter truth was too much for me to handle, though I was able to keep my sanity this time. And a mix of Appy Fizz and Vodka helped me too.

I was doubting my capabilities gain , which I am doing till now. And thoughts about what will I do if I don't get through anywhere clouded my head, and to be honest I had no good answer and I still don't have it.

But I got to know Pune from close. First thing I noticed that it was somewhat like Bangalore. Same weather, same one-ways everywhere, same traffic congestions, and the same people hating outsiders (read North Indians) .

So much for Symbiosis.

Deharadun Trip : Aftermath

Apart from all the fun and games and all the adventure I realized a few things on this trip.

I won't call this trip an eye opener but ya lots of things made me wonder.

I saw how the world around me has changed. The people around me has changed. All the 4 people around me were from business families who had already joined their dad's businesses. I was alone from a service class and only one without a job.

My friends have become nearly proper businessmen. One was constantly on the phone taking orders, giving orders, trying to strike deals. One brought his laptop along. Other two had made arrangements so that they won't be disturbed while they are here. They were all on tight schedules. Money was no longer an issue. time was. Everybody was throwing money here and there , the one thing we were short of in college. That to save time . what we had in plenty of in college. We rented taxis, paid tips, bought tickets like money was no issue.

And everybody wanted to have as much fun as possible in this time. Money no bar. Sort of as a return on time invested. They all knew soon they will be back home soon. And two were worried they might get married soon.

All of them were in the habit of waking up early. I was the only one still student like, and who has a student life in future again.

Ankur was fair in his dealings. Gave money without asking. And never asked for it. He tried to play the host . And you have to give it to him that he tried.

They all were talking business many times. Lion even brought a business plan to put up a bio-diesel plant in Dehradun to Cheetoz .And I felt left out in that way many times

'Ab hum log launde nahi rahe'.

We were thinking about our growing bellies all the time. Nobody except me was ready to walk even a little. People wanted heaters, bellboys, showers at the hotel. Whatever happened to guys who could sleep on floors ??

Everybody needed permission to go anywhere. But not for spending money.

Everybody felt some weight of responsibility on his shoulders. We were answerable to someone, if it was us only. We were not that carefree college kids anymore.

The more we tried to go back to our good old days, the more we couldn't and the more we missed it. Something inside us had died. Though we were not oldies in any sense, or middle aged, but we longer had that fire, that vigor in us.

And nobody of us could drink like we used to.

Dehradun trip - 3

Day 4 -


But when we get up at 12, we realize that everyone left and we are left there . Very good.

So we take a taxi and haul ourselves back to Dehradun.

We reach his house at around 1:30 and wake him up.

I ask him how is he feeling. Now that he is a married man and all. He says something about how he felt that his life has changed when he was sitting in the Mandap and the Pandit was reciting the Mantras. He felt something different. Well his life surely has changed.

We do time pass for sometime. Its freezing in the house too.

Global Warming my ass !

Then we go back to the hotel. Baccha arrives just as we reach the hotel. He complains why we didn't call him till now. Well we explain him and say that we''ll get ready and meet him in a few hours.
We get ready. But Anmol is reclusive about coming with us. So I and Lion leave him and go about in the Market with Baccha. We pick up Moksh along the way.

We see a hot girl entering a medical store. Bachha screeches the Safari to a halt. Moksh runs after her towards the store. And stammers from there " Bh..bh..bhaai wo bukhaar waali dawaai ka n.n.n.naam kya tha ??"
"Crocin maang le"

Another friend of Baacha Moksh arrives ( a white safari). He too has seen the girl. Acts smart.
Utters something about "Excuse me I think have seen you before"
"No I don't think so"
Ba-ha ha ha ha.... End of story.

We realize that Dehradun is not too different from Kota.

We start drinking. Or rather its only me. Moksh has like, 30 ml. We get down as Lion has to buy biscuits and Rusk to take back to baroda. He bloody buys stuff worth 2500 bucks. Apparently he had a empty bag with him for this thing only. Man is he a foodie or what ?

We reach Baccha and Moksh's gym. Till now I'm nearly half a bottle down. And drunk. They get in while I and Lion get down and start wandering on the roads of Dehradun. Sort of a 'High on the Highway' thing.
After sometime these people get done from the gym. We head back to the hotel.

Its the reception today, we get ready and head to the reception. Baccha and Moksh come and leave early. We say our goodbyes. And they leave.

We (Me, Lion, Mr E and Gupta) have planned to give him 10,000 cash now. And the best thing is we don't even have an envelope. So we give him 10,000 cash in hand. He asks Preeti to take the money from us. As the dude had dropped 7000 from his pocket yesterday which he was supposed to give for returning his Jutiyan. Well birds of a feather.....

Well time to take leave from him. So we hug him and say bye. Say bye to Preeti too. I give him advice too for the future "Bhaai ab tum launde nahi rahe, Dhyaan rakhna is baat ka". I Wonder if he understood the full meaning of this statement.

"Bhaai kal subah tumhaare gaadi bhijwa duun "
"Haan bhaai wo bahut accha rahega"
"Theek hai Suarav ko phone kar dena kal subah"
"Theek hai bhaai, chal bye"

We get back to the hotel, pack our stuff which was lying all around the room and put an alarm for 4 o clock. We have a train at 5 in the morning.

DAY 5 -

We get up at 4. Pack our stuff and get ready to leave.We call Saurav at 4:30.
No answer.
Call him again. And again and again.
We get outside and keep calling him. Still No answer.
Time to get worried !
04:45 in the morning. No creature in sight leave alone a taxi.

"I'm going ahead to look for a taxi" I say.
My stuff is here, I'll get the taxi back" and start walking towards the station which is like 6-7 kms from the hotel.

My phone rings. Its Lion.
"Andy bhaai aap kahaan ho ?"
"Usi raod pe aage. Kyun ?"
"Peeche ek truck dikh raha hai ?"
"Umm.... Haan dikh raha hai"
"Usko hath do, hum usi ma hain"
I start jumping in front of the incoming truck. The truck stops. A man opens one of the door.
"Uh Bhaaisahab ...."
"Haan Andy bhaai yahi hai jaldi chad jao"

Ok so we are sitting in a truck.

Trying to get to the station. We get down, give the guy 100 bucks and say thanks. And start running towards the platform.

Its 5:15 by the time we reach. The train left 5 mins back.

Cool. So what now I am asked.
I suggest we take a Bus to Delhi and catch the connecting train from there as its at 5 in the evening from there. Lion wants to take a taxi. Anmol has no say.
We argue a bit. In the end we decide to take a train to delhi which leaves at 7. Ok.

We buy tickets of general. Pay TT the money to adjust us in AC. We all sleep as soon the train gets moving and I get up just about time when the train is about to to reach Delhi. We get down at Hazrat Nizammudin. Ok how to get to New Delhi station ?

Local train a guy there suggests. Ok . A local train arrives. But the compartment is full'. I rush in with my bag. And I'm literally thrown out of it. As I'm standing out, a hand grabs me and pulls me in the Ladies compartment. I'm half outside and half inside. With somebody pulling me in with my bag. Scenes of a few Hollywood movies flash in front of my eyes. Its Lion and Anmol they got on the ladies compartment. Ok so we are traveling in the Ladies compartment and that too without ticket. Great !

I even have to brush in the waiting room at Delhi station. Lion is getting hungry and impatient. So we head outside and go to Connaught Place. Everything closed. Oh its 26th Jan today. We finally find a Pizza Hut. Get in , eat. With a guy constantly staring at us. Though we didn't do anything to him, or his wife. That guy looks like an ass and his wife is HOT. We wonder why did God made us so Handsome ?

We pay a bill of 700 and head back to the station.

Finally we sit in the train. I realize that we left a packet containing sweets as return gift from Ankur and my phone charger in the earlier train. Very good. We try to set the TT to let Anmol sit with us in A/C. He has a sleeper ticket. But he asks for way too much money. So Anmol plans to chuck it. We eat Dinner and he leaves for his bogie.

Me and Lion chat for sometime. Kota arrives at about 10. I get down, say bye to Lion and leave.

After 15 minutes he calls me "Bhaai apka shaving kit to mere hee pass rah gaya"

Awesome finish to an Awesome trip !

Deharadun trip - 2

Day 3 -

I got up around 6 o clock. I was tired of Mr E kicking me and Gujju pulling my blanket whole night. I got up and went to the other room. Gupta was half asleep in that room. "Aao Andy bhaai, mujhe pata tha thodi daer me koi na koi zaroor aayega". Well ya i was sick of it.

Today was the marriage day.

Cheetah called "Saalon ab uth bhii jaao aur aakar Naashta thuus lo"
"Haan bhaai aa hee rahe hai" Though we were all in bed.
Slowly every was punished by sending to bathe in the chilling weather.
We got ready and reached his house (This time by cars). Ate aaloo paranthas. This time i went easy with them. Was already feeling slight acidity by now (Guess I am getting old. Or as we would say 'Ab hum log launde nahi rahe')

After that Cheetoz said what are your plans now ? We shook our heads. No plan.
Lets go to Mussouri. Someone suggested. Ok. Cheetoz said be back by 3:30. Ok sir.

Anmol also joined us by now. Gupta suggested that we ask the the drivers to come in one car and we'll go in another. So be it.

We reached Mussouri in an hour or so. We'll buy the booze and drink in the car. "No i wanna sit down and booze" I protested. But the guys wanted to check out the chicks. As soon as we got out of the car. Brrr... The wind is freezing. No beyond freezing. Numbing. Will-kill-you-if-u-stay-out for-long-ing. We all wanna get back in the car fast . But these people are determined to booze. And I need a Digene. So i walk off in search of a medical store. See one. Buy a strip of Digene and get back in the car. These people have bought booze, glasses, snacks till now. But as soon we start moving its becomes quite clear to us that its not possible to drink while driving through winding roads of Mussourie. So in the end we find a bar with an awesome view of the valley below. We get in to see that are nobody inside but us and one old bartender (It was 1 o clock in the afternoon). And nothing good in whiskey except Signature. Ok the drinks are made. I get a large and others small as usual. I protest that i don't feel like drinking but no one takes me seriously (Bad effects of being a well known alcohol lover). So i pop in a Digene and CHEERS !

We click a few photographs of us drinking., The valley below. And yes Mr E smoking, as blackmail material. Oh I forgot about the CAMERA.

Yes we bought a CAMERA (hereby referred to as The Camera) , a Sony CyberShot . For 10,000. For our groom to be. As a wedding present. Contri though. But then someone had a brilliant idea that why not use it before gifting it to him. We'll transfer the photos to Gujju's laptop before gifting.

So we click those few photos and as we are downing those drinks suddenly Lion's phone rings. "Saalon kahaan ho tum ? Meri Ghud chadhi hai ! "
"What ?"
"But u said we had to leave for Saharanpur at 3:30"
"No come back now, i'm waiting"

So we rush back to Dehradun. The Ford's driver is driving at a formidable speed. In fact Lions pukes while coming back. Due to Nausea and Motion Sickness.

We arrive and see everyone is vehicles, all set to go. Bunty bhaiya (Ankur's Elder brother) tells us that we have to go to some 'Punjab Hotel' in Saharanpur. And he'll come to the hotel in a few minutes to take us there. We all rush to the hotel to get ready.

We all don our Suits and ties and all . We looking like humans for a change. We get in the cars. All decked up. We all hang up our blazers in Gupta's CR-V. And off we go to Saharanpur to get Cheetoz married. (Bunty bhaiya didn't arrive though to take us, but thats the Walia family for you). After a bit of asking for directions we reach 'Punjab Hotel'. (Whoever said that Men don't ask for directions)

We all ask for Cheetoz . Nobody seems to know. Me and gujju get in the buffet. Though the food is not served we find a guy making Aaloo tikia. We ask him to fix us a plate each. Gupta pokes his head through the tent and asks for a plate for him too. Ok so we give him a plate too. And ask for one more for us too. Then Gupta whispers " Bhaai ye shaayad hamri waali shaadi nahi hai"
"Kya ?"
"Haan bhaai ahmara khaana kahi aur hai . Ye to kisi kee wedding anniversary hai"
"Chal koi baat nahi ab to kha liya"

We in the end catch hold of his driver. "Ankur kahaan hai ?"
"Room no 213 mae "
"Ok we go on the 2nd floor, search for a few minutes only to realize that thsi hotel doesn;t have a 213 or 113 or 013 for that matter. (13 being inauspicious and all).

Some genius starts shouting Ankur Ankur in the corridor. Finally we get a reply from one of the rooms.

We enter the room to see Dulhe Raja getting ready. Full Sherwani and all. We all sit down waiting for him to get ready. He asks us "Bolo ladko kya piyoge" "Tum to kuch pee lo"
"Tu ?"
"Nahi main to kuch nahi"
"Chalo kam se kam shaadi ke din to tu nahi pee raha"
"Haan bhaiya ne mana kiya hai"

Saurav (His younger and real brother) enters with a bottle and asks "Kahaan hai launde lapaade "
"yahi hai bhaai, aaja tu bhi ek aadh peg pee le"
"nahi main nahi, aap log peeyo"

So we all join in for a drink. Ankur refrains from drinking but does smoke. Though he has to hide the cigarette again and again as someone enters. We almost burn the hotel's carpet doing that.

He leaves. Gupta and Gujju run for the loo. They say its the free aaloo tikki we ate. My stomach is ok though, bloody me.

Its about time we got on with his baraat. We join in little later. Waiting for the the family members to clear space for us.

We get on and off a flyover. We see the destination in front of us. Damn it. We are nearly there and we have not even danced for 10 mins. Don't worry his jiju says. We'll manage here only in this place. So ok we start dancing. Yours truly in full josh too. (After he's down a few drinks)
Its around 10 . And we are like 100 meters away. No problem.
"bhaai ye baraat 12 baje se pahle nahi pahuchni chahiye" I tell to Lion.
"Nahi pahuchegi"
He tells the same to Ankur's Jiju.
So we start dancing with renewed vigor.
So they are few revolver shots fired. Few shotgun rounds. Few 100 notes and 500 ones are thrown up in the air. Few sips are taken from a hip flask. Few people get on the chariot and dance, including us (Yes the dude was on a chariot instead of an horse).

Gujju wanted to drink water so he went in a shop to buy water. But apparently the water was not for sale. Gujju throws a 500 note and asks him to keep the change. Wo ! I run in. Relax man. So we but two water bottle and two soda bottle and get 400 change back. We drink some Mc Dowells and it back to dancing again. We even take a dhol in our hands one and start beating it( i wont say playing). Its nearly 11:45 when the baraat finally reaches. That too because he is taken off from the chariot.

We get in the and start eying his 'Saalis'. "Careful" I say, "all are 'Jaats' in this marriage" . "You don't wanna get beaten up".


So after some drama and we getting our photos clicked, we eat food which is fast depleting. Now Gujju wants to leave, so does Mr E. And so does Gupta. Hmmm... Game over. Enough fun and games people gotta attend to there business. Ok. So be it.

These people leave. Me, Lion and Anmol are left behind. We sit for sometime. The cold is getting worse and the effect of liquor is subsiding and I'm tired of all the dancing.

I tell Lion we should go back now. But he doesn't listen. Maybe he thinks Cheetoz won't get married if he is not there. In the end when Ankur's would be saala arrives and tells us "You should rest, the ceremony will take around 3 hours" lion agrees fianally and we g back to Punjab Hotel . We t a room and i sleep. So does lion. We were supposed to be picked up by them whlie returning to Dehradun.

Oh yes i forgot to tell that we lost the camera, sometime while coming back from Mussouri. 10 grands down the drain. Awesome.



to be continued.....